Jilll † .

“We used to talk on the phone until 4AM. We were both so tired, slurring our words and laughing about everything. We’d talk about our day and things just felt right. You made me laugh so much I always had to cover my mouth so I wouldn’t wake up my parents. You’d always stay on the phone, until I fell asleep. In case I had any nightmares. You would always calm me down. You told me that you were there, that I was safe and that you’d fight off my monsters for me. I never told you this but I sometimes pretended to be asleep because then you would fall asleep too. I know you were always tired, but you tried your best to stay up after me. I remember how you always snored. I loved listening to you snore so loudly or move around in your bed. I remember the first phone call we had when you snored, I laughed so much but now, your voice and snores are all I remember. Friends would look at me weirdly when I told them we slept on the phone together but what they didn’t know was that it made me feel like I was there with you. It made me feel so much closer. You always told me that I was the best thing that happened to your life. You made me feel safe and loved all the time. After I waited for you to sleep for a couple of hours, I’d fall asleep smiling. You made me so happy. I miss those days. I miss being loved by you.”

“Whenever grief creeps up on me, I try to find some solace in knowing that a part of the people we loved will always remain with us. And even when my heart breaks a little, I try to hear an echo of your voice in someone else’s story, try to hold on to the things you left behind. Fragments, scattered across our lives and memories like footprints even the tide can never fully wash away. I’m not talking about obvious things like photos and the clothes we can’t bring ourselves to throw away. This is different. When you left, you became one with this world. I‘ll find parts of you in a beautiful sunset. In the first drop of rain that hits the pavement on a summer day. In the first breath of fresh air after leaving a crowded room. I can find them in so many aspects of life that I know I will never be alone, and whenever I reach out to you, you’ll be there. And maybe this won’t make it hurt less. It will certainly not bring you back. But at least it will allow me to find peace someday, knowing that wherever you are right now, you are never truly far.”