LEAP into ADVENTURES

I suppose the thing people want to know most about is what you've learned right?

And the most frequent question I get now that it's over is "so how was it?"

This journey has been a roller coaster of a ride. There were so many ups and downs and looking back now I'm honestly not sure how to feel about it all. Not that the feelings of gratefulness have worn out or anything. I have still...

Update: So this brings me to where I am now. The internship is over and I've already started working back on my school campus - CSUN. School will start the following week and I needed to finish up here. But when I looked at my drafts I realized just how different this ending post sounded as compared to the post entitled "As the week narrows down..."

Since I've been back on campus, my co-workers have been asking about the internship and honestly, I had mixed feelings about replying...always ending with it was definitely a learning experience. And it was. It was a time that tested me, tested my values, my personality, my abilities and it was tiring.

But it showed me how life would be like if I went down this road. It shed a light on the balance between nonprofit and corporate. It gave me the opportunity to meet with amazing individuals with wisdom and knowledge. It tested my willingness to step out of my comfort zone, push myself to network. It gave me the ability to work along side different people, testing my patience and character along the way.

I cannot lie and say that this journey was filled with flowers and happiness. It wasn't. There were struggles at both the ESGVJCC and at LEAP itself and I had to learn to manage. I remember coming home sometimes feeling so exhausted and just not wanting to do anything. And I would feel guilty for complaining because I knew my parents had it worst. I remember telling my mom that it wasn't the same tiring feeling that my parents knew of - the hardcore labor that makes their necks and backs ache. It was a draining of energy, it was using my brain to solve problems or to deal with altercations and differences of opinions.

And I've come to realize that I am so much in tuned with the energy of a room that sometimes I allow it to easily affect me. I hate drama and I hate tension - it drains me.  But there will be times that it's going to happen and that's something I need to let go. There always needs to be that balance. It's a struggle to keep the personal from the professional at times...even if that is truly your intention. Because we are all human beings and despite us not having the right to feel what we feel, or knowing that it's stupid that we feel it, it doesn't stop the fact that we simply do.

I've also come to realize that I need validation. It just encourages me to do better. I like it and I guess that's the "I" part of me. I also realized that I'm not a very strong "D" and I'm okay with that because I know my strengths lie elsewhere. As I continue to strive to be better as a person and as a leader, I will continue to hone my skills so that I am a well rounded person but also emphasizing skills that are naturally easier for me.

When people ask me what I want to do in the future. My go to answer is always I don't know. I think that's a problem, in that I should have a clearer picture. But more than anything, I've come to realize that I'm continuously learning, continuously growing and no matter where I am in the future or however long it takes me to get there. I'm going to be fine and I'm going to be happy and I'm going to be successful. And at that, what else can you really ask for?

So the last step before every event, every workshop, every presenter are evaluations and debrief.

That being said, we had a couple things to do at the office after graduation. We had to sign cards, debrief, and do evaluation forms and of course, say our goodbyes.

I needed to leave early so I was hoping to fly past all the cards, debriefing, and evaluations because I knew I wanted time to properly say goodbye. We were running behind schedule and I just knew there wasn't going to be time and that made me sad but I just had to go.

So we're all working diligently and everything is fine until we get to our debrief. We talked about our event and it was...complicated. We had differing ideas and things started to get personal. I could sit back and see ten independent individuals, half of which are just ready to go, others on one side and the rest on another and it was difficult. I stayed as long as a possibly could but I needed to leave and so I did. I left and I said my goodbyes but I didn't have a chance to stay for the whole conversation and for me that, for lack of better words, just sucks. Leaving at a point where there was such high tension, and not being there when it was resolved gives me an uneasy feeling.

Before I left, I made sure to tell everyone that despite our different work styles, there was something in each of them that I admire and respect. And during the internship more than one person had said to me, "we're ten separate individuals and we're not all going to be best friends." Honestly, that may be true, but it doesn't mean that sucks any less.

So I left and soon after, I'm sure everyone else left. And we might be ten individuals with different passions and goals but we all went through this experience together and we will always have that connect as the 2014 LIA Summer Interns.

So let's backtrack to graduation day. Finally, that day had come and I was a bit sad but at the same time happy that I had made it! We prepared speeches and of course, I was nervous beyond belief but I remembered what Matt had taught us about being big. So I walked outside and practiced a bit while stretching my arms out as big as I could.

We had two speeches, one that talked about our group project and another that talked about our experience as an intern. I said my part and I could feel myself shaking behind the podium but I was fine. I did what I could and I said how I felt and during my second speech, I actually made my supervisor tear up a little.

Feeling like a weight was off my shoulders, I sat back down in my seat where my brother and sister were sitting. And let me just take a second to say thanks to them because I could tell they were a bit uncomfortable. They hate these events. And both of them had work after the event so it meant a lot for me to have them there supporting me. I've said this over and over again but they truly do put my needs before their own and for that I am so grateful.

So graduation ends with happy faces and good food. People are taking pictures and saying some goodbyes. We leave to the office in a great mood...we only have one small hurdle left to go : debrief.

And that in itself deserves a whole new post.

I can't help but reflect on my experiences here at the East San Gabriel Valley Japanese Community Center and at LEAP. 

There are so many things I could say that I would do differently, I could have been better, I could always be better. I am definitely my worst critic.

But right now, I don't want to focus on that. I want to be grateful for all these experiences that have taught me more about who I am and who I'm not. I want to be thankful for all the people I've met from all over the nation. 

I use to hate networking. Well you know, to be honest, even now i'm not very fond of it. Because networking is more than just meeting people you find interesting. For me it takes the fun out of simply meeting new people. Networking comes in a connotation that promotes scratching peoples back in hopes that your back will be scratched one day. I love meeting people simply to meet them, learning about their story, their goals, their dreams and ambitions. That to me, is interesting. 

But this past weekend at LEAP we were allowed to meet these really cool people. I'm talking about important people, CEO's and presidents. And although I'm not saying I like or hate networking any more than I did before, I felt so fortunate to be given that opportunity. I hate that I had to dress up and be on "my best behavior" but it was amazingly insightful to hear the different stories of these people who have become so important and valued in their respective fields. To hear their story and their journey to success was incredibly assuring and inspiring. Each person I spoke with provided insight in something different and most of them didn't know what the heck they were going to do and others just "fell into" the field they were in. 

I knew there was more to their story but I think one of the people that was the most memorable was Irene Chang Britt. She was so nice to me. As interns, we were allowed to mingle with the VIP guests and she was one of the honorees that evening. I didn't have a chance to speak with her but I knew I wanted to introduce myself and tell her how much I loved Pepperidge Farm (She's the President of Pepperidge Farm and Senior Vice President of Global Baking & Snacking-Campbell Soup Company). So as she was walking out with her friends, who I'm sure are  big namers too. I said something along the lines of "I'm Julie Mac, one of this years intern. I'm sorry to bother you but I just wanted to introduce myself..." and she was beyond sweet and we chatted for a bit and walked together. She said it was no bother at all and as she shared her parents immigrant story and her early years of entrepreneurship, I was simply amazed at her bravery and go-getter attitude. She said to have a vision and not to worry about all the risks and consequences and although it was stupid at the time and rough at others, because she had a clear vision things worked out and look at her now! 

The Awards Gala was tiring and I am not the type to function well in heels but it was an amazing experience...in that I think it was very eye-opening in ways. 

I've been working at the ESGVJCC for a couple weeks now and I was started to get frustrated because my project just wasn't moving forward. There were just so many obstacles in the way.

On a Friday my super had told me to work on transcribing interviews that were already done. So the following Monday, I took that initiative and got started on transcribing. More than half way through the day and maybe 7 pages in, I was informed that the interview I was working on had already been transcribed. I wanted to murder myself because I knew that I could have prevented this situation had I just asked if it had been done. My super was supportive in saying that she liked that initiative but I just kept thinking what's the point of initiative if it lacks results! So I took that first blow.

Another day, things were busy at the office as they were having a meeting.I greeted someone at the door that needed to make a stack of maybe 10 copies. Let me just tell you, I've worked office jobs my whole college career so making copies is almost second nature to me. However, I couldn't do it. The machines would say there was an error of need cartridge or toner. It was double sided and I would try to run them all at once like at auto feed but I think that was the probably. And so finally Tina just helped me make the copies and by that time she had already asked me a couple times if I was okay and if I could handle it. Thinking that it's just copies, I was like sure, but obviously I couldn't because Tina took over and just did them one by one, front and back. It took a while but it got it done. I was so ashamed and embarrassed because I just couldn't believe I couldn't make a damn copy. I mean, COME ON?! 

Then there was another day where I couldn't get the printers to work and there are several printers...most of them donated and pretty slow so it took a while to know which ones were for color, b&w, which ones connected to my computer, which way to put labels in etc. It was just incredibly maddening that I took so long to make labels because I had made them a gagillion times before at the numerous office jobs I've had in the past!

But what finally broke the camels back is on a day where I called a page full of Japanese American Seniors and couldn't get one interview. I was already nervous to make the calls and although I truly believe in the project, I didn't know how to convey it in a way that made the Seniors believe that their stories are valuable. I couldn't convince them of their importance and the importance of the project and so I stepped outside and just teared up. 

Later that evening though, my super picked me up after work for a meeting in Little Tokyo and as she was driving, she asked about my day. And although I tried to keep it in, I just started tearing up again! I just didn't want to disappoint her and I wanted to stay on schedule so I said I'm sorry and composed myself and that was that. I felt so embarrassed.I felt as though I lost that professionalism and created an awkward situation.

On a bright side though, that following week I received an email from my super entitled "Don't Worry" and I won't share all of it with you but it was just reassuring me of my capabilities, the importance of the project and just life. And although I was a little embarrassed I made her worry, I think this whole process has been a learning experience. Learn that some things are out of your control. Some things don't turn out the way you want them to. But that it's okay to feel frustrated but it's not okay to simply be defeated. 

No, I didn't do drugs. I had an amazing "high" feeling today though as I finally conducted an interview. You might think, "boo woo, who cares about an a stupid interview" right? 

You could not be more wrong. I guess let me start by saying that I've been working on a project called The Keeper's of the Flame. I will back track on another post to tell you in detail what the project is about but generally I interview Japanese Americans in the San Gabriel Valley about their experiences there, before and after the war. 

Let me also say that this project has had such a rocky start. I'll go into that in another post as well. 

But today, you cannot take away my victory. Today I spoke with a Japanese American man named Toshio Asano. He is a legend in most popularly known in softball. He's an athlete excelling in football, track, softball and eventually semi-pro in baseball. (And if you didn't know the difference between softball and baseball, its the size of the ball.) Anyhow, I had heard from his daughter Tina, who is also the office manager here at the East San Gabriel Valley Japanese Community Center that he was not really chatty and that I would have to shout because he's hard of hearing. 

My supervisor knows me and knows that I don't actually speak that loud...this is only my second solo interview and I was extremely nervous. I had been working on Summer Matsuri all morning (which a a festival type event for the Senior Wellness Program) so as soon as that was done, I rushed to prep for the interview. I set up the camera and the lights, I watched the first interview he had done with another person over and over until time ran out. I was starving because I missed lunch because I was prepping but here Mr. Asano comes with his daughter Tina. 

She introduces him to me and tells him to be nice.

Nervous but by this point, I figured it's sink or swim so we started talking and talking and he would say "look here Julie" or listen here Julie" and it felt as though he was trying to teach me his wisdom. He was talking about his experiences in the Army and coming back after internment. He was talking about wanting to date Caucasian girls in grammar school and wanting to be white at that point. He was talking about how he didn't want to be a gardener like his father after the war because he didn't want to do "the white man's dirty work". He talked about the discrimination he felt and the segregation at the time. He told me his life and I am so thankful he did. It honestly felt like a conversation and I'm sure, I'm positive that I could have done stuff better...ask better questions or whatever, but I walked out of that interview feeling great, feeling like someone had connected with me because I made them feel comfortable enough to share.