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Pluto: Hey! It looks like you've found my data logs :> I hope you enjoy them

✧ - Fluff | ✶ - Smut | ☾ - Angst

☆ NCT Dream Logs

- OT6

• Cuddling (✧)

- Na Jaemin

• Less (☾)

- Park Jisung

• Missed Calls (✶)

• Love You Forever (✶)

• Space Oddity (☾)

• Get better soon (✧)

• Gameboy (✶)

The soft ticking of the wall mounted clock filled the room, the face marking 11pm. City lights painted your bedroom a soft, melancholic orange. Your heart was racing again. Breath shaky, legs hanging over the edge of your bed as your boyfriend leant against the doorway, just watching you, “Angel…” Jaemin started.

“I'm sorry,” You whispered. “I'm sorry. Let's just, just go to sleep. It'll pass.” You nodded slightly, as if trying to convince yourself while wiping the few tears that had escaped your eyes. You swung your legs up onto the bed, willing yourself to calm down. You'd been like this most nights for the past two months. You weren't sure why. Jaemin was getting tired of it, it was obvious. He'd tried to help the first few times, offering a shoulder, some warm tea, anything. After the tenth ‘I don't know. I'm fine. I'm sorry’ he'd resorted to just watching you, and sometimes he didn't even do that. You felt the bed compress next to you as Jaemin climbed in, he seemed further away than normal.

“Y/n,” Jaemin started, waiting for a reply that didn't come. “Let's go to Gangbuk tomorrow, hm? We can go to the dream forest again, where we had our first date?” His hand had found its way to rest on your waist, you could feel him looking down at you but you couldn't bring yourself to meet his gaze. “What do you think?” He asked.

You just nodded weakly. “Yeah… ok” you whispered.

----

The sun rose the next day and Jaemin was already awake, as usual. He let you sleep in, as usual. By the time you awoke it was 10am.

“Angel c'mon. We're not gonna have time to do anything if we don't leave soon” He called out from the kitchen, hearing you enter the bathroom.

You just hummed in response, splashing your face with water and watching yourself in the mirror as you brushed your teeth. You looked as rough as you felt. Deep down you knew why you felt like this, why you couldn't go a day without feeling like your world was crashing down around you. You didn't feel enough. Jaemin was perfect, so perfect. He was handsome, kind, funny, everything you could ever want in a boyfriend. You felt sub-par compared. Like he deserved better, like you deserved less.

You were normally excited for dates, no matter how mundane they might be, but this felt… like a chore. The car journey to the park was mostly silent, small meaningless conversations were the most you two spoke. You could tell Jaemin was trying his hardest, you could tell you were taking it out of him. His hand slipped into yours as you strolled along the dirt path of the forest, heading to the pagoda that had views of the whole park. That was where he had asked you to be his girlfriend. Officially.

“Do you remember that swan that chased me? Cos I got too close to the babies while taking a photo of them?” Jaemin asked, laughing slightly. You smiled half-heartedly and nodded, “yeah.” You hated this. Hated feeling less than in your own relationship. Hated having to pretend to be happy. It wasn't Jaemin’s fault at all, he wasn't making you feel like this. It wasn't his fault that your brain was your biggest enemy. Jaemin led you up the stairs of the pagoda, you were the only ones up there. That somehow made things worse. “I love you, you know that?” Jaemin hummed, leaning against the railing.

You nodded gently. “I know,” you whispered, “I love you too.” Neither of you could feel any passion behind it. The trees swaying gently around you felt mocking. So calm, when internally you felt anything but.

“Y/N” Jaemin said, turning to look at you. “Have I done something wrong?” He asked. Your heart dropped. You knew he knew something was wrong, but you hadn't expected him to think it was himself.

“What? No- you've not done anything,” you said, avoiding eye contact. “It's just. I'm not doing great. I…” your sentence trailed off. Jaemin hadn't done anything wrong, but you couldn't help but blame him. “I just feel like you… would rather be anywhere else.” You whispered. “You've not done anything wrong Jaemin, I promise. I'm just. Stupid”

Jaemin frowned slightly “You're not stupid, my angel” he said, reaching out to rub your arm. “I'm sad that I can't help you,” he admitted, looking out over the forest. “I don't think I ever will be. I think the only person that can help you, is you.”

Jaemin's words lingered in your mind. He was right. He couldn't help. He'd already tried so much.

“I'm serious when I say I love you, I'll always be a call away,” He started. “I just… I think you need some space”

You froze briefly before shaking your head quickly. He wasnt… was he? “Jaemin- please-” you begged. “I love you, you know I do, I promise I do. I'm just overthinking. I can get better, I promise.” Your voice was desperate.

“I know, I know you do.” He nodded. “And I love you too. So much. That's why I know that this is what you need. I know you need space. Being with me is just going to keep you down. I know what happy you looks like, and no matter how much you say you are, I know you're not truly happy anymore. Maybe we can give it another go in a year or so, yeah?” Jaemin said, his voice soft. He was always so sweet.

“Jaemin…” You whispered. You had nothing to say. He was set on this, nothing would change his mind.

“I'm sorry” Jaemin said again, rubbing your shoulder. “...Do you want a lift home?” He asked.

You shook your head. That sounded like the worst thing imaginable right now. Tears had started pouring down your face, you're not sure when they started but your makeup was definitely ruined now. "I wish you loved me less. Then maybe you wouldn't care this much" you whispered, your voice strained.

“I could never love you less. I hope you get through this” Jaemin said softly. “I just cant stand to see you like this anymore, knowing that being with me is what causes it.” He rubbed your shoulder one last time, his footsteps growing quieter and quieter as they echoed down the stairs, leaving you alone in the pagoda.

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Pluto: Iiiiiii kinda dont like this lowkey i'm sorry. It could be worse, but it also definitely could be better. I reread it like 5 times but I couldn't think of a single thing more to add or change :<

Having a gamer boyfriend had its pros and cons. The pros were he looked super fucking sexy at his desk, thick glasses sliding down his nose, hair toussled from his headphones, pouty lips slightly parted in concentration… and the cons were that he was a league of legends player. And acted as such. “Just one more game, baby” Jisung had promised 2 hours ago. That's like four ‘one more games’. You'd spent the entire time sitting on your shared bed, staring at the back of his head.

“Jisung” you called out as he hissed in annoyance at one of his team's turrets getting destroyed. “Jisung!” Your voice raised slightly, one of his hands swiftly knocked an ear free from his headset.

“What?” He asked, gaze stuck on his screen.

“Can you look at me when I'm speaking to you?” You asked, a slight annoyance in your voice.

“Baby I'm in a game…” Jisung mumbled, his voice a little whiny.

“What, the game you said you'd finish two hours ago?” Jisung just stayed silent, his attention fully devoted to the game. You let yourself fall back against the mattress, staring at the ceiling. He was so annoying. He wasn't always like this, but when he was it took everything in you to not strangle him.

You were meant to be watching a movie tonight but with every minute that ticked by, that was looking more and more unlikely. You eventually had enough, shifting off of the bed and dropping to your knees next to his chair. He didn't even notice you. You crawled under his desk, settling between his spread legs and bringing a hand up to palm at his bulge through his joggers. Now he noticed you.

“Fuck- baby wait,” He protested, weakly pushing your hand away, “please- its almost finished baby just wait.” You ignored his begging, reaching into his joggers to palm him directly through his underwear, hearing his breath shake and fingers hit his keyboard with more force. Jisung shifted slightly in his seat, allowing you to pull his joggers down further. You pressed your tongue flat against his length through his boxers, feeling him twitch and whine slightly. “Baby…” Jisung mumbled, you caught him glancing down at you as he tried his best to focus on the game, his dick fully hard and straining against his boxers. “Please” he whispered shakily.

You smirked softly, you loved his little whines. Your fingers tucked into the waistband of his boxers before tugging them down to the middle of his thighs, his erection springing free. You gripped the base of it, holding it firmly as you licked and kissed at his tip.

“Baby- cmon” Jisung whined slightly, his hips bucking a little. He was trying so hard to concentrate on his game, bless him, but that was incredibly hard when he had the person he loved the most between his legs, torturing him. You started pumping him slowly, looking up at him. He was watching his screen again, bottom lip pulled up between his teeth. He knew what you were doing. He knew if he showed full interest, you'd stop. It was your way of punishing him when he got too into his games, forcing him to stay too into them. Maybe he ignored you on purpose? Who knows. You took his tip into your mouth, sucking gently, seeing his eyes flicker close briefly. He was so pretty. Your tongue swirled around his head before leading your mouth further down his length, his swollen tip hitting the back of your throat. You gagged a little, your hand squeezing his base as you started sucking. Your cheeks hollowed out, hand and head moving in sync as you bobbed your head up and down his length.

Jisung sucked a harsh breath in, his head hitting the back of his desk chair as he recollected himself, his fingers twitched over his mouse, trying desperately to ignore the urge to bury them in your hair.

You pulled off of his length, your tongue settling at his base. You kissed and sucked at the area before licking a stripe up the vein on the underside of his dick. Jisung hissed and whimpered, his fingers gripping the desk.

“Baby I'm serious- gonna nut.” He whispered.

You pulled back a little, looking up at him, “play your game” you mumbled before sucking his tip again, listening to Jisung's soft moans as he half heartedly continued the match.

You continued your gentle assault on his dick for the remainder of the game, jisung letting out the occasional moan and whimper as he tried so hard to focus with your lips wrapped around him. You eventually heard the telltale ‘Victory’ chime through his headphones, slowly pulling off of him.

“Fuck- baby come on” He borderline begged, his voice cracking as you shifted out from under the desk. “Please, I was so good” He mumbled, watching you climb back onto the bed, his dick throbbing. You beckoned him over and he quickly joined you, his chair rolling back as he stood.

“You do it on purpose, dont you?” You asked quietly, your lips centimetres from his. You knew he did, you just wanted him to admit it.

“...no…” Jisung bluffed, a faint blush painting his ears, “why would I purposefully make you edge me?” He asked, failing to hold back a smile.

“Mmm. I wonder” You teased, kissing him gently. You waited for Jisung to settle back on the bed — leading against the headboard, his legs slightly spread, before settling between his legs, taking his head into your mouth once more.

Jisung groaned, his hand immediately settling on your head now he could, the gentle loving caress of his fingers against your scalp a stark contrast to the rest of the situation. He slowly guided your head up and down his length, deep moans emitting from his throat. “Not gonna last long baby… too good at this.”

You hollowed your cheeks once more, squeezing his base as you sucked. Your free hand came up to rest on his hip, your thumb gently rubbing the skin, a silent acknowledgement of his desperation.

Jisung's fingers tightened in your hair as his hips bucked, a whiny moan straining out of his mouth. “Fuck- fuck-” he panted, pushing your head further down his length as his dick throbbed violently, a pathetic whine escaping him as he released in your throat.

You held your head there for a short while, the slightly bitter warmth running down your throat as Jisung's large hand stroked your hair “so good…” he whispered, guiding you off of him. Jisung looked down at you, a drunken smile gracing his face, “I love you, ‘m sorry for ignoring you” he mumbled, watching as you got off the bed and headed to the en suite.

“I love you too,” You called out, grabbing a packet of hygiene wipes before heading back to Jisung, kneeling next to him on the bed and wiping him clean. “Just stop being stupid, yeah? If you want your dick sucked while you play your game just ask, dont annoy me first”

Jisung hummed, pulling his sweats back up and you into his side. “I know… but you're so hot when you're annoyed” He teased softly, stroking your side.

You shook your head with a small smile, amused. “You have to return the favour now,” you hummed, to which Jisung glanced at you from the corner of his eyes.

“Now?”

You shrugged “Or another time. You just owe me”

Jisung grinned slightly, “Another time. Im tired. I promise”

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Pluto: This took me so long to write TT. I've not got writers block im just so so tired lately and cant be bothered, but I promise I'll keep posting as often as I can <3