SNAPSHOT

I’m getting my feelings, hopes, and understanding confused. I love him, in all the ways possible. And I wish he were into me in all the same ways. But I understand that he has his preferences, his view on life and love are different and that right now he’s not looking for love, but success. And even if down the line he were looking for love again, he’s not into guys. I need to stop hoping for a change, he’s told me and several others he’s straight. I understand that, I respect that, and I need to stop hoping for it to change. Yes, for whatever strange reason, it can happen, people change their feelings all the time, but I need to stop hoping and wishing for it. It’ll only hurt me. He’s an experienced, honest person, if he was into guys, he would’ve told me.

He’s an extremely independent man but lately, sometimes we act like a real couple. I remind him to lock the car door when we leave; he automatically orders my favorite fast food when we’re hungry after work; I ask him if he remembered to bring/do something, he asks me to double check for him; he opens doors for me even when I’m ahead of him; so much skinship (mostly from me). We’ve reached such a comfortable level in our relationship — sometimes too comfortable and I need to remind myself that we’re not a couple but really close, best friends. I just think it’s nice that he’s come to rely on me a little bit more and that he’s paying more attention to the little details about me.

Two more months before the big move.

He took me out to lunch before work and paid for my meal. He teased about not visiting me when I move because I wanted to get a cat instead of a dog. He bought Red Bull for me because he knew I was having a long, tiring week. He teasingly gave me a hard time at work to distract me from being tired. He remembered that I wanted to stop and get food before heading home.