Captain Fury

oh wow that's just--

I thought it was just gonna be FUNNY

and it was but then it just PUNCHES YOU IN THE HEART

Who the fuck are you?

Fuck you for the anxiety you gave me from getting a letter from a name and address I don’t recognize.

Fuck you for the time you made me waste having to open that letter.

Fuck you for the complete bullshit feeling of finding out that you literally just wrote “hi” and expected that to communicate anything or resolve anything.

I don’t know your stupid douchebag ass, and I don’t want to. Fuck all the way off.

You say hi. You start with hi in a conversation. DMs and similar are conversation areas. This isn't even about emails and letters.

Web chats are asynchronous. By the time the other person even sees your meaningless “hi”, you may be AFK or asleep.

You wouldn’t just call someone, say “HI”, then sit in silence and make the other person ask you who you are. No, you say “This is [name], calling you about [topic].” within the first few seconds.

You wouldn’t just mail someone a letter in an envelope, just to write “hi”, and make the other person send you a reply to ask you who you are. No, you put your whole message right there in that letter.

Even in real life, you wouldn’t step up to a stranger and blurt out “HI”, then stand there grinning like a creep and staring right into their eyes to pressure the other person to ask you who you are. No, you start the conversation up with an ice-breaker, like a compliment, the question you actually want to ask, or just a rhetorical small-talk question.

This isn’t demanding you to “start a novel”. This is telling you to actually start a conversation like a normal fucking human being can. This is basic manners.

You people are terminally self-centered and have no respect for the time, social battery, and boundaries of others.

P.S.: On a similar note to “No hello”, here’s “Don’t ask to ask”: