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It was a careful kind of look. A cautious smile and a long stare. 

It was gratitude. 

Usually, you’d reach for her hand. You’d give it a small squeeze and let her smile widen with the easy pleasure of being together. 

You didn’t say anything because she didn’t need to be grateful. You had no right to expect a beautiful life to be simple. For one thing, it wouldn’t be half as interesting.

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The introduction to Scarlett’s daughter was always going to be a slow one. You supported it readily. It was easy to tell that they were each other’s world.

When Scarlett talked about her daughter, you could tell you were listening to her biggest fan. It was the kind of endless love that can’t hide itself. A dry comment about her never-ending princess phase, sounded too tender to be sarcasm.

Scarlett asked you about the future after only a few dates. You could tell she was nervous about bringing it up. She told you that she knew it was stupid to be asking. She told you she didn’t really expect any answers. 

You’d been expecting the conversation. With her career, an international co-parenting arrangement and a young daughter. Scarlett was like the sun in a complicated solar system. There was no question of expecting all the sunlight for yourself.

You told her that. In a stumbling explanation that sounded silly to your own ears.

Scarlett’s smile softened. She gave you a careful kind of look.

‘I’m not really the sun.’ She said after a moment. ‘Sometimes none of it is easy. I’m not easy. Sometimes I’m horrible. I’m mean and tired and stressed because everything is going wrong and it feels like my fault.’ 

You remembered the last date you’d had with her. It had been the evening after Scarlett’s daughter had left to stay with her father. Scarlett had barely mentioned that fact in passing when she’d invited you to her house.

Something had felt off from the start. A quiet exhaustion from her that you couldn’t place. Scarlett kept closer to you than usual but you could tell her mind was farther away. She started telling you she was worried about a new project she’d signed up for, and then she trailed off halfway forgetting her train of thought.  

She’d offered to cook on the phone, but when it got late she just shrugged and suggested take out instead. She drank more wine than usual, in that melancholy way that means it’s not about the wine. You could tell she didn’t like her home so empty. When you suggested staying over, she’d looked relieved. 

Scarlett’s life was complicated in ways that you knew you didn’t understand.

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‘I’m not the sun.’ Scarlett repeated carefully, her tired stare willing you to heed the warning.

‘Okay.’ You’d shrugged, with a smile full of playful disagreement. You reached out casually until your hand brushed her arm.

You pretended to hiss out as you yanked your hand back. You pretended to cradle it to your chest.

‘Wow you’re like a million degrees.’ You muttered. You glanced back up to Scarlett and her smile full of exasperated fondness. 

You pretended to squint, shading your eyes. ‘Sorry, you’re just so blindingly bright.’

Scarlett smacked your arm playfully and then she kissed you with an urgency that told you everything she didn’t say.

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You first met Scarlett’s daughter through a series of carefully constructed casual meetings. You came to hang out with her and Scarlett for a few hours one Saturday. You’d arrived more prepared than you’d ever been for a job interview.

Your Disney Princess knowledge was immediately to the test and you rattled off information confidently about Elsa and Anna and the overall state of Arendelle. 

After you made a comment about something being ‘so Olaf’, Scarlett turned to you with an exaggerated look of surprise.

‘I studied.’ You whispered with a wink as you grabbed her empty coffee mug and left to go refill it. Scarlett’s lips pressed together as she tried not to give you her widest smile. 

You smirked knowingly as you left.

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It took six months to get to an easy rhythm. 

The first time it happened, Scarlett called you with barely hidden delight in her voice. She told you that her daughter had asked if you were free that Saturday. And if you’d ever been to see the ducks at the local park.

The stamp of approval from Scarlett’s daughter was slow to achieve and then unwaveringly absolute. She held your hand for an hour, pointing out the best parts of a park that was very ordinary. She explained which ducks were nicer than the others.

That night, after her daughter had gone to bed, Scarlett stood with you in the kitchen. You were going to leave any minute but the triumph of the day had kept you a little longer. A glass of white wine in one hand. Scarlett undid her hairstyle, letting the loose hair frame her face. Her eyes glittered when she looked at you. Unthinkingly perfect. 

Scarlett moved closer to you, she let her head rest on your shoulder. You swayed together to imaginary music. You kissed her hair and let the golden waves fill your mind. She was daylight in the morning, even at night. 

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Going public was a phrase that you started to hear more and more. You must have missed the first time Scarlett had tentatively dropped it into a conversation. You’d clearly missed a few more cues. 

That’s what you learned when Scarlett returned to the bedroom to wake you up, still in her gym clothes from an early morning workout.

There was something confrontational about her stance at the end of the bed. The sharpness in the way she busied herself, changing into her clothes for the rest of the day.

‘You practically live here already.’ She told you in a slightly tense tone. 

‘I do.’ You agreed unsurely, trying not to look as sleepy as you felt. 

‘I know it’s horrible when a relationship goes public.’ Scarlett continued with a brittle kind of force. ‘No-one knows that better than me. It’s always horrible. It’s never easy. Last time -.’ She hesitated as she caught herself falling into a story about her ex. 

‘He hated it.’ You surmised carefully, offering her a cautious smile. 

‘Yes.’ Scarlett’s gaze turned worried now. She threw her t-shirt into the laundry basket. She paused for a moment, pretending to look out at the view of the backyard. After a moment, she asked quietly.

‘So, what about you? Would you hate it too?’

‘Being with you?’ You teased, leaning forward to touch her bare back reassuringly. You felt her relax at your touch. ‘Being with you anywhere, any time, any place. That’s the dream.’ 

Scarlett pressed her back against you and you heard her sigh. She reached for your hand and gave it a wordless squeeze. 

You yawned suddenly, your body reluctantly accepting that you were definitely awake. 

‘I don’t know how you can sleep so long.’ Scarlett teased suddenly as she turned and reached around your body for a fresh t-shirt. 

You rolled your eyes and pretended to look outraged. ‘Hey! Do you know how hard it is to try and fall asleep next to the sun?’

You felt the playful whip of the t-shirt against your shoulder and the stupid smile spreading across your face. 

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Nothing was going to plan. 

The live Frozen show was everything Scarlett’s daughter had dreamed about. 

The traffic meant you were probably going to miss the first ten minutes. 

You were all officially blaming the traffic and not Scarlett’s urgent work call that had delayed leaving in the first place.

You sat in the back of the taxi, talking to her daughter and pretending Scarlett didn’t look stressed out of her mind. You watched her in the corner of your eye, refreshing her email impatiently for whatever they’d promised to send on the call. 

You were engaged in a lengthy discussion of ranking all the best Disney princesses. You were asking every follow up question you could think of, just to make the conversation stretch out. 

Scarlett shot you a look of quiet stress and you tried to give her a small smile. Her expression shifted into one of disappointment. At herself, at her unrelenting work life. The complicated balance you would never understand. 

‘Which princess is your Mom?’ You asked loudly, giving Scarlett a pointed grin as you sat back and let her daughter present one of her favourite discussion topics. 

When the taxi finally pulled up outside the theatre, there was a brief moment when everything felt lighter than air. Your arm was around Scarlett’s waist, her hand was on her daughter’s shoulder.

As you left the taxi, you realised you were just down the street, as close as the taxi could get to the front of the theater. 

You heard the first click and felt Scarlett tense instantly beside you.

It was something like facing a swarm of animals. 

You met an onslaught of paparazzi like you had never experienced before. You moved forward instinctively, leaving Scarlett’s daughter sandwiched safely in the space between yourself and her mother. You pushed forward, trying to clear a path through the sea of shouting people. 

Despite the bedlam, you heard one of the worst noises you’d ever heard. 

Scarlett’s daughter let out a quiet, worried cry. You felt yourself react before your mind had engaged. 

You spun around, lifting her up easily. You didn’t have time to understand what had scared her.

‘Hey. Watch it.’ You snapped at the crowd. ‘You could hurt my kid.’

You felt the burrowing of a small face against your neck and knew your only option was to get to the theater as fast as possible. 

You didn’t pause until you were inside the silent theater lobby. A member of staff gave you a wide eyed look. 

Scarlett came in behind you a moment later. 

‘Sorry.’ You murmured, as you walked over to give her a careful hug. ‘I thought hurrying was our best option.’ You gave a meaningful glance at her daughter. 

Scarlett wrapped her arms around the pair of you. She kissed her daughter’s head. She gave you a look full of warmth. It told you everything you needed to know. You smiled back and reached down to let her daughter stand back on the ground. 

You took one of her daughter’s hands and Scarlett took the other.

‘Please can we hurry up.’ You pretended to whine suddenly. ‘I really don’t want to miss my favourite songs.’

Scarlett gave you your favourite fond smile as you all walked together to join the audience. 

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In the brief respite between two songs enthusiastically chanted by the very loud audience, you leaned over to Scarlett.

‘Two suns.’ You told her with a smile. Scarlett’s head tilted in confusion as she leaned closer. 

‘I’m the next Copernicus.’ You told her stupidly. ‘I’m the first person to realise.’ 

Scarlett looked at her daughter, standing out of her seat and ready to sing loudly again. 

‘Two suns.’ She murmured. 

You nodded with fake solemnity. 

‘No wonder we always need the air conditioning on.’

Scarlett gave you a look. It was a careful kind of look. A cautious smile and a long stare. 

You reached for her hand and gave it a small squeeze. You let her smile widen with the easy pleasure of being together. 

You couldn’t ask for anything else.

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