Jesus, BPD and Me

Mental illnesses are illnesses. People get sick. It happens.

Mental illness does not:

- make you a ‘bad’ Christian or any less of a Christian

- mean you are a ‘bad’ person. Illness, not weakness

- mean that God is angry/ashamed/punishing you. That is not who God is. It’s a distorted image of God.

When I first started therapy I was angry that it didn’t seem to be doing anything for me. My therapist told me straight: if you don’t put the work in, you won’t feel better or recover. I hated hearing that. I wanted someone to fix me. But no one will fix you - you have to fix yourself.

That means finding new coping mechanisms - healthy ones, like exercise and creativity and crafts, cooking, writing, reading, yoga. It means refusing to let your illness hold you back: taking public transport when you struggle with panic attacks, speaking to new people when this terrifies you.

It’s not easy. It’s not meant to be. Your mental illness lies to you when it tells you you cant get better or there’s no point. There is always a point and better days are coming. Take it from someone who was diagnosed with bpd 5 years ago, who spent ages in and out of psychiatric hospitals because of suicide attempts.

In 1 Kings 19:4-14 Elijah feels suicidal, and tells God to take his life. 

God doesn’t get angry at Elijah.

He doesn’t tell him that he’s being silly, or that suicide won’t solve anything. He doesn’t freak out, nor does he ignore Elijah’s cry. God validates Elijah’s pain. Through an angel, God provides Elijah with food and water because Elijah is probably exhausted (he had fallen asleep under a tree after telling God that he wanted to die, and this was probably the safest thing at that point for Elijah). Getting to the point where you don’t want to live any more is an exhausting place to be. You cannot think of anything else other than wanting to end the pain.

Once he’d finished eating, Elijah lies down again. But God wants to continue validating Elijah, and continues to have compassion over him. He wants to be with Elijah during his crisis. He wants to keep Elijah safe. The angel comes back again (1 Kings 19:7) and this time adds (and validates) that the journey is too much for Elijah (1 Kings 19:8) and that he needed more food. Elijah was then able to move on and travel for forty days and nights to reach Horeb.

I really love 1 Kings 19:4-14. It tells us a lot about God. He cares about people who are suicidal – he is loving, gentle, patient, compassionate, and he knows what we need. He provides Elijah with physical, spiritual and emotional healing. 

The church could probably learn a lot from the way God deals with Elijah. Suicidal thoughts are something which are incredibly common but the church doesn’t always deal with them in the best way. Often, suicidal thoughts are invalidated and ignored rather than validated and accepted. 

The angel is gentle with Elijah. He doesn’t tell him to pray more, nor does he tell Elijah that suicide’s a sin or that he’s demon possessed. He doesn’t even tell Elijah to stop feeling suicidal – he simply tells Elijah to eat.

When you feel invalidated, remember that God validates you fully. He accepts and acknowledges how you feel, and he says it’s okay.

If you feel suicidal, I encourage you to reach out for emergency help.

What he does promise is to walk with you, to be with you, to listen to you. He sees your pain. He understands your pain. He does not condemn your pain or tell you that your pain is sin. He won’t belittle it. Jesus loves you; all of you, no matter who you are or what you have done or even what you believe.

Welcome to #DeStressMonday ♥ via @theoneproject-co

  1 - Kindness is free   2 - Happiness is found within   3 - Overthinking will lead to sadness   4 - Everyone’s journey is different   5 - Things always get better with time   6 - Opinions don’t define your reality   7 - Judgements are a confession of character   8 - You only fail if you quit   9 - The past cannot be changed 10 - Smiles are contagious  😊 11 - Trust yourself 12 - Behind the cloud the sun is still shining  🔆 14 - You are not your disability 15 - One who makes no mistakes makes nothing at all 16 - What goes around, comes around 17 - Dream it 18 - Belive it 19 - Achieve it 20 - Tomorrow is a new day 22 - Positive thoughts create positive things 21 - Love yourself  ❤️ 22 - You matter 23 - You are better than you think 24 - You can do it 25 - You are stronger than you think