Just let me be ME

Dude I just refound my tumbr.

I recently started binging Greys Anatomy. I hit episode 4×09 Forever Young tonight. I had one of those "oh shit" moments. Derek: My perfect little life. Have you been paying attention at all? Miranda: Yeah, I pay attention. I pay attention! I pay attention to people in all walks of life, all types. I notice people. I see people. It's guys like you who don't see people like me. Derek: I don't see you? Miranda: I'm not talking about you, Shepherd. Just guys like you. Who don't see girls like me. We don't exist for you. We exist to do your homework! We exist to build your ego up... I am a successful married mother. I am chief resident, I am CHIEF resident of a major metropolitan hospital! I am a surgeon, who saved his life today! And he still doesn't see me... I may as well still be that high school girl with the mushroom haircut and the coke bottle glasses and the band uniform. The girl who didn't get to go to homecoming dance cause it didn't even occur to him to ask me. All those late nights tutoring him, and it didn't even occur to him to ask? Derek: Mmm. Band uniform. Really? Miranda: Do I look like I wanna be mocked by you right now? Derek: No, you don't. I'm just gonna say one thing. In high school, I was 110 pounds, and I hadn't yet figured out hair product, so I had a big afro. And, um, I had acne... and I too, wore a band uniform. Sax. Miranda: Oboe. Derek: I would have been honored to take a girl like you to homecoming. I was the teachers pet, I helped everyone with there homework. Made study guides for people, and that's all I was good for. I helped my crush of 8 years graduate, and all along he strung me along with how high school was hell on relatiinships. How I was from a different circle and he didn't want to ruin us before we started. And he told me once we graduated, oh once we graduated he wanted to try. I basically wrote that fucking term paper for him. And graduation day came he wanted me at his first semi pro football game, "needed" me "in the stands." So I left one of my oldest friends parties early. Dragged myself there alone, and he jumped into the stands a kissed another girl. A girl we went to school with, a cheerleader. He waved at me after and didn't see the the tears streaming down my face. My aunt drove me home and went on about how one day I'd find someone. But it doesn't make it hurt any less when we aren't seen. When all we'll ever be is the girl who does the homework, who helps them get through, but that's it.