2 â (ăăśă) Tabun/ProbablyÂ
link to part 1! (i would recommend reading it for context but this can be read alone as well!): sukidakara + teaser for part 3
synopsis. â not all crushes endure. some fade, and you and sugawara are left to the distance of outgrown infatuations. in their wake, a different member of the team sets their sights upon you.
pairing: sugawara x reader, ennoshita x reader, kiyoko x reader (if you squint)
notes: just a lil pinch of angst cuz life would be boring without it ;) part 3 will be fluffier donât worry just enjoy this slice of angst for now teehee + my blinkies stopped generating so i had to use the original lmao
âHm?â Kiyoko glances over at you inquisitively. You flick the cover of your book.
âKiki,â You repeat, more decisively, âIs that a good nickname for you?â
Her mouth quirks. Sheâs gotten used to your randomness, â⌠Sure.â
âItâs a good one,â You decide, âDifferent from Koko, short and sweet. Kiki. Kiki. Kiki. Kiki.â
You try out a few more enunciations. Kiyoko rolls her eyes as she pushes her glasses up.
Kiki. She thinks on it for a spell. Itâs cute, she supposes.Â
âDid you hear about the new cafĂŠ that opened near the school?â She asks, briefly glimpsing the title of your book as you close it: Anna Karenina.
âOh, Pompom CafĂŠ, right?â You tuck the book away into your backpack, glancing at her with bright eyes, âMy cousin said thereâs cats there so sheâs applying to be a part-timer. Good place for dates.â
You grin widely, leaning forwards, âGot anyone in mind?â
She swats at your head. You duck, laughing, âIâm kidding, Iâm kidding!â
âYouâre as troublesome as ever,â Kiyoko sighs, pushing her glasses back up again, ââŚBut I suppose we should go sometime.â
0 - All of Kiyokoâs other admirers
âSo what happened with you two?â
Sugawara shrugs, letting out a quiet sigh, âWe both sort of realized that it was infatuation, I guess. There wasnât anything in particular we were attracted to except for the feelings themselves and sometimes thatâs not enough.â
âWell, you said you liked them because they understood you, right? What about that?â
âThey doâ understand me, I mean. But, yâknow, sometimes you just have to give it a try and realize youâre better off as friends.â
âAlrightâŚâ Daichi seems disappointed; to be fair he seems more emotionally invested in this than Sugawara himself, âWhat about your bunkasei date? Did something happen?â
âNo, no, it went amazing,â Sugawara insists, âIt really happened after the thrill of it all wore off. The crush just kinda faded after a few dates.â
âIf you say soâŚâ Daichi pouts a little; THE Sawamura Daichi pouts (WHAT IS UP WITH HIM????????).
Sugawara frowns, âWhatâs wrong? Did something happen with Michimiya-san?â
âNo⌠itâs nothingâŚâ Daichi sighs. Obviously there is something, but sulking Daichis are like children who donât want to do something. You have to coax them, tempt themâŚ. And wait.
Sugawara takes a sip of his hot chocolate. Itâs already been nearly a month since the bunkasei date, strewn with more dates throughout. But in the recent weeks they have ceased after the two of you decided together that it would be best to stay friends, becauseâ
âBut you liked them so much!â Hinata cries out suddenly, âWhy would you throw it all away like that?â
Sugawara had forgotten that Hinata was there. In fact he had forgotten entirely that he is still in the school gym, the team discussing his love life rather than beginning the practice. Even Coach Ukai and Takeda-sensei seem engaged.
He shifts a bit, having been leaning against the wall with his cup of hot chocolate. A few others, namely Tanaka and Narita (they look remarkably similar), are standing as well, although the rest of the team are mostly sitting, scattered on the floor.
Sugawara huffs a smile, âA lot of crushes are like that. You really like someone at first but you realize that theyâre different from what you idealized and the infatuation passes.â
Hinata deflates a little, ââŚOhâŚokayâŚâ
The orange-head is too passionate to consider the prospect of letting any emotion go, Sugawara supposes. It comes naturally to those like himself; patient, altruistic, sophisticated. Relationships flow easily when you are able to swallow your emotions out of interference.
He hasnât lied. He did like you, and it passed because eventually it was apparent to the both of you that your feelings were built off of nothing more than congeniality and the yearning for connection. He covets connection because he feels he should, and in the end he chased the feeling more than the person.
He isnât a lonely person, but he is lonely the way all people are. Everyone is seeking connection; platonic, familial, romantic. In your case it is simply better off platonic.
The rest of the team remains quiet. Tanaka and Nishinoya had already whined for an entire pre-practice about the waste of the fruits of their wingman efforts, and everyone else either accepted the new development without major complaint or voiced them now, like Hinata.
To tell the truth, Sugawara is still a bit confused as to why they are all so immersed in his love life. Most of them have enough stuff going on in their lives to not need an additional source of gossip or entertainment. Is it something like kids watching their single parents date? Is this their strange way of acknowledging him as their mom or something? If heâs the mom would you have been the dad? Shouldnât it be the other wayâ
Coach Ukai cuts into the silence at that, watching them all expectantly, âVolleyball time?â
âSo yeah, we decided to call it off.â
You finish recounting the recent events to Michimiya, eating ice cream together after school. Newspaper club meetings are normally every day after school, but theyâve been cancelled for today as both Miyako and the club supervisor are absent.
âSorry for ruining your dream of double dates with you and Daichi-kun,â You tap your mouth with the spoon a few times, watching the girl with an intensity softened by the daylight.
âI would need to confess to him for that,â Michimiya laughs lightly, trailing off into a frown, âI just donât understand⌠Why? Donât get me wrong, I support you no matter what, but you really liked Sugawara-san. It couldâve turned out great.â
â⌠I didnât like him,â You answer, after a contemplative pause.
Her head cocks, âHuh?â
âI, uhm, itâs kinda complicated,â Your expression scrunches a bit, âItâs like, uh, I- I did like him. A lot. But it wasnât the person, more so the connection of like-minded people, if that makes sense?â
Michimiya shakes her head slowly, âUhâŚâ
You bite the tip of the spoon, gaze darting between her and the table a few times before settling on her, âIâŚâ
âI- I could like him for him. I could like the person, but what I was drawn to in the initial crush was the⌠well, I guess you could call it surface-level similarities.â
You grimace a little at how awkward you sound. Normally youâre a very eloquent person; talking about your feelings was never difficult or anything. Whatâs happened to you?
âCould you learn to like him?âÂ
You let the spoon fall from your mouth, expression relaxing a bit out of its pensieveness, âWhat do you mean?â
Michimiya scoops some of her ice cream, the sprinkles clinging stubbornly to the spoon, âYou said youâre able to like Sugawara, but he himself wasnât really the focus of your crush, right?â
You give half a nod, âUh, pretty much.â
âOkay,â The girl continues, âWhat if you learned to like him as a person? Like, re-crush on the person this time?â
âRe-crush?â You pause, gaze dwelling on the sprinkles in her ice cream.
âOf course, Iâm not saying you should or need to or anything,â She backtracks quickly, âIâm here for you no matter what.â
You feel an almost overwhelming sense of warmth in your chest at her earnestness, and you take her hand and squeeze it tightly, âThank you.â
Michimiya beams, âAlways.â
âWhyâs [Last Name]-senpai here as well?â Hinataâs eyes shift between you and Kiyoko, and then around the table of his teammates in desperate need of tutoring.
âEmotional support!â You chirp, fingers tapping rhythmically on a textbook.
âEmotional support,â Kiyoko sighs, distributing more copies of the textbook to the failing members of the boysâ volleyball team. She pauses suddenly, glancing at you, âCan you tutor as well?â
âDepends on the subject,â You answer cheerfully, âI can teach everything except moral education, but no one uses that anyway.â
âIâll take Hinata and Tanaka,â She decides, branching off to a neighboring table and allowing you to revel in the dismayed faces of Nishinoya and Kageyama.
âHmph, I wanted Kiyoko-san instead,â Nishinoya grumbles, as you seat yourself across the two of them.
âYouâre not the first person who's said that,â You tell him, smiling coyly, âBut if she sees that youâre able to do well without her you might become the first one she notices.â
The boy huffs, begrudgingly taking the textbook from you and flipping through it roughly.
Kageyama scoffs, âHeâs mad about Suga, not Shimizu.â
You laugh lightly, âOh, he liked Suga-san? My bad, I didnât know.â
The black-haired boy frowns, brows furrowing sternly. You suppose heâs upset as well. Sugaâs practically their mom or something like that.
âIn all seriousness,â You relent, âsometimes things just donât work out. It might not be anyoneâs fault, maybe there werenât even arguments. Crushes can just fizz out, just like that.â
âNot all attraction has to be profound to be important. You just have let go, you know?â
Nishinoya shakes his head, ââŚI donât.â
âAh, well,â You gesture lazily, âThatâs probably a good thing.â
Ennoshita slips into the library at that moment, poking his head around before spotting the variegated-colored heads around the two tables.
He shuffles over between the two tables, placing one hand on Nishinoyaâs head and the other on Tanakaâs.
âTheyâre all yours,â You toss him a textbook, sliding your backpack over your shoulders and accidentally knocking over the chair as you stand up.
âActually, [Last Name]-senpai, I was wondering if you wanted to stay?â Ennoshita smiles at you hopefully. It befuddles you slightly. You canât remember having ever interacted with the second-year beyond pleasantries and two-sentence exchanges. Your tongue rattles independent of your brain as you try to scourge your memory.
âSorry, great literature calls,â You smile, righting the chair and hesitating for a moment before patting his shoulder, âAnd also Fufuâ er, Miyako-chanâs wrath and violence for missing too many meetings.â
Ennoshita ducks his head shyly, ââŚRight⌠right, maybe next time?â
âSure,â You agree, gaze breaking for a moment to glimpse Kiyokoâs reaction to it all. She looks faintly repulsed, but similarly confused.
You give a final wave to the six of them, mouth mildly downturned all the way through the newspaper clubâs porch, across the sidewalks, past Sugawaraâs front door, all the way home.
The dim lighting of the auditorium backstage is still bright enough to accentuate the pallid shade of Rikiâs face, and you wouldâve thought he was a ghost if not for his death grip on the microphone when you try to take it.
âHow are you holding up?â You query gently, eventually coaxing the microphone from his trembling fingers with some soothing from Koko.Â
Haruâs voice echoes faintly in the backstage area as he continues to present the speech that had unfortunately been aborted in the face of Rikiâs crippling glossophobia.
âI did so bad up there,â Riki whimpers, âDid you hear the way my voice cracked?â
âNo one noticed,â Koko reassures him.
A few weeks back, on the day when you had tutored Karasuno for maybe two minutes at best, the newspaper club had once again begun creating their monthly speech and presentation on the schoolâs current affairs, upcoming events, general spirit, and other responsibilities shared with the student council. Each time, four different members are selected, and Decemberâs assembly is both the first time Riki is chosen and the first time you all understand why his first time being chosen has been delayed for so long.
You glance towards the stage through the wings, catching Haruâs eye. He gestures subtly for you to join him on-stage.
âHey, itâll be okay,â You take his hands in yours, âYou did good up there, and we shouldnât have made you do something you didnât want to.â
Haru starts to gesture more vigorously, and your eyes dart between the two of them. You squeeze Rikiâs hands tightly, letting go of your cousin with a soft, âdeep breaths, okay?â, before scrambling onto the stage.
Haru gives you a few moments to recalibrate yourself and espy which slide youâre on before he shoves you a microphone and you smile your easy grin and dismiss it all as some technical difficulties and continue the presentation with palms slick with sweat and a pounding heart.Â
Honestly, one would think youâre the one with glossophobia.
âIâm not mad at you, Rikiya,â Miyako sighs, âOnly disappointed.â
âYou sound like my mom,â Riki huffs. Heâs recovered to his usual defiance, at least.
You stifle a laugh, âYou do sound like her.â Your aunt has spoken those very words many times.
Miyako casts you a warning glare. You hold your hands up in surrender, âSorry, I thought we were back to normal.â
âYou shouldâve told us that you were afraid of public speaking,â Miyako continues. You can tell that sheâs trying her best to be compassionate, but itâs a bit difficult to grasp this message when she has arranged the tables into a business meeting with her and Riki at each end staring straight at each other, âWe couldâve chosen someone else while finding a way to help you overcome it.â
This doesnât provoke any response from Riki, for once.
Miyako rises from her chair, pulling the whiteboard in the back of the room to the center. She pauses, testing the markers a few times to no avail, âCould someone get the new ones from the storage room?â
âIâll go,â You jump up readily. Youâve never liked sitting in the meetings anyway.
The storage room is down the hallway, near the gym. You neglect to close the door as you enter. You doubt the errand will take that long, even if you deliberately waste time.
Halfway through the second shelf, darkness strikes.
âItâs me,â The darkness says.
The lights flick back on. It is Kiyoko.
âWhyâd you turn off the lights?!â You yelp, âYou scared at least three reincarnations out of me!â
âSorry,â She answers, reaching over and⌠patting your head a few times.Â
ââŚWhat are you doing?â You ask slowly, mind so flummoxed itâs frying your expression.
âExpressing affection,â Kiyoko starts stroking your hair, âI thought it might help.â
Okay, an alien has officially kidnapped her and stolen her body because WHAT IS HAPPENING?????
You attempt to speak a few times, words catching in the back of your throat before dying in your mouth.
âNo offence, Kiki,â You start. The nickname feels strange in your mouth now that Kiyoko is suddenly acting so⌠affectionate, âBut youâre acting really weird.â
âYou are too,â She replies immediately.
You frown, smiling in that disarming, confused way, ââŚWhat do you mean?â
âYouâve been avoiding me,â Kiyoko discerns your expression intently for any signs of shame or guilt. She finds none outside of a bemused deer in headlights.
Her gaze dips for a moment, stepping back from you. She has always been taciturn, but this time when she speaks she is almost timid, âWas I too cold?â
âCold?â You echo, âNo, no, youâre very approachable actually, I donâtââ
You pause, ââŚIs that why you wereâ uh, trying to⌠express affection, as you said?â
âYes, if that was the cause.â
âNo, no, Iââ You need to stop and think. Kiyoko is in front of you and she looks vulnerable for once and you need to focus.
Kiyoko is a cold person, that much you have to admit. She barely shows anything in her face outside of elegance and her dispassion is actually the very reason that you like her.
On a surface level, she is truly very beautiful and you have always gravitated to her. In truth youâve come to find that nearly everyone you know is extraordinarily beautiful in some way, but she has that sort of grace that makes you feel as though you can go to her for any problem in need of a pragmatic solution.
Her coldness is everything that makes her charming, and sometimes you wish that you could tell her all this without being obstructed by your own heart.
âYou are cold,â You start tentatively, finally prying your arms away from the shelf you had clutched onto in the initial shock of the blackout, âBut that has never bothered me.â
âI like your coldness. It makes you very graceful and I feel like I can rely on you, which is something really rare for me.â
You think you see her smile slightly.
âAnd even if I was avoiding you, it would never be because of this.â
âSo you are avoiding me?â Kiyoko challenges, putting her glasses back on (she hadnât been wearing them, you realize now).
âNo, I still donât understand why you even think so?â You cut quite a comical figure, hands on your hips, uniform rumpled by whatever you were doing before; pouting slightly, denial sulky.
âYou have been. I had to corner you here just to talk to you,â She insists, âWeâll keep going in circles at this rate. Letâs try this: Iâll give reasons that you could be avoiding me for, and judging by your denial Iâll determine if theyâre correct.â
âWait, whatââ You protest, but Kiyoko is already taking from the stack of chairs in the storage room youâve been conversing in for the past twenty minutes, and passing you one.
You sit reluctantly, âDo we really need to do this?â
Kiyoko stares at you evenly, and suddenly takes your hands in hers. You flush, taken aback, âYou are someone very important to me and I need to understand what happened, so yes.â
It disarms you immediately, your expression melting from its blush the way it does when you see children scampering around or cats nuzzling up to you. She takes advantage of that, immediately beginning to systematically list potential causes of your supposed avoidance.
âYouâre busy,â She starts.
âIâm always busy,â You laugh.
âYou donât like this storage room,â She proffers.
You look absolutely flabbergasted, â???â
âMaybe youâre hungry?â She considers, ignoring how contorted your expression is becoming with your sheer incredulity.
âNo, that canât be itâŚâ Kiyoko lapses into silence for a good few minutes. You huff, trying to remember why you were here in the first place.
It was something for the newspaper club, you recall. Actually youâre supposed to be in the meeting right now. How are you even going to explain to them why you were gone for so long, when you were probably only supposed to get some markers or something?Â
You check the time briefly. Youâve been here for thirty minutes already.
âSugawara,â Kiyoko declares.
You turn towards the door, âHeâs here?â
âNo, I meant heâs the reason youâre avoiding me.â
âHe is?â You look even more bewildered, the way she assumes a bystander might look observing a heated argument in a foreign language; no clue whatâs going on, but itâs starting to get interesting.
âIt happened during the match against Shiratorizawa,â She begins, sitting forwards now, âSuga-kun was nervous, remember?â
You try to think back, âI donât think I was there that dayâŚâ
âYou were sitting with Michimiya and Hanazawa-san,â She tells you.
âBut Hana-chan and I both have the newspaper everydayâŚâ You mutter, probing in your mind for any semblance of such an event, âNo⌠I donât remember.â
âYou were there,â She says with enough conviction that it almost convinces you and your goldfish memory, âSuga-kun was nervous because he was substituting for Kageyama-kun, and I held his hands and he blushed like a tomato.â
âIâll take your word for it,â You concede, shifting on your stool, âBut what does that have to do with this?â
âYouâve been avoiding me because youâre upset about that,â Kiyoko concludes, trying to gauge your response.
âBut I donât even remember that happening,â You protest, âIt could be subconscious though, I guess.â
âThat would make sense.â
Kiyoko meets your gaze with an intensity that you think you could drown in.
You smile, eyes sucked into the sea of hers, âThanks⌠Iâm sorry for avoiding you, by the way, even if it was subconscious.â
âNo, itâs okay,â Kiyoko repeats, watching you the way you imagine wild animals are initially observed when their suitability for domestication is being determined.
âUhm, yeah,â You nod a few times, âWait, Iâm a bit lost, whatâre we saying is okay?â
She takes your hands once more, holding them up as her fingers slip through yours.
You tense, a faint hue of blood blooming on your cheeks. Your gaze darts away from her on instinct.Â
âYou blush as well when I hold your hands,â She notes gently.
âUh, yeah, it kinda happens with everyone,â You fumble over your words a little. Youâve always been a little weak for any form of affection, which you suppose contributes to your tendency to reciprocate crushes rather than develop them.
âItâs okay,â Kiyoko says a final time. You nod, meeting her gaze with a wobbly smile.
You sit with your best friend in a dusty storage room for longer than you should, probably, and when she eventually leaves to return to the gym you are left alone for a few minutes before you inevitably depart as well.
You donât see much of Sugawara these days.
The camera doesnât need you anymore and heâs in class 3-4 and somehow you keep missing each other on your way home.
Itâs reasonable, youâve come to find, but sometimes you feel a touch reproachful. Sure, he had been the one who decided to pull out, yet you feel that it was one of those situations that could be intentionally avoided; perhaps if you had liked him more.
But can you truly learn to like someone?
Takeda smiles at you and Hana as you enter the gymnasium.
âItâs been a while since you two have watched a match!â
âHi, Takeda-sensei,â You wave politely as Hana starts to eyeball a few seats, âYeah, weâve been busy sinceâŚâ
âShiratorizawa,â Hana supplies distractedly.
âSorry, my memoryâs terrible,â You smile at her, âYeah, weâve been powering through our winter issue recently, but Ennoshita invited me and the match is after our meeting so it all works out.â
âWell, glad you could make it! The teamâs been doing quite well,â Takeda looks like a proud father, you observe.
âThanks, Takeda-sensei.â
You and Hana settle yourselves in the second row, and you wave at Ennoshita when he looks upwards.
âYou know he likes you, right?â Hana smirks.
You scoff lightly, âSure, the same way Yachi does. They look up to their elders.â
Hana flicks you playfully, âYouâre so dense.â
âSince when did Ennoshita like [Last Name]-san?â
Daichi asks, sidling up next to Kiyoko.
She shrugs, âTheyâre a charmer. Itâs not that unusual.â
âI could see it,â Sugawara proffers, balancing on one leg and tying his shoelaces as the three of them look between the two involved figures conspiratorially.
You and Ennoshita. It could be cute.Â
Petting cats together at Pompom CafĂŠ, you smiling at him in the crowd when youâre presenting at assemblies, you cheering at every match even when heâs not playing, tutoring the team together, walking together during festivals, waving at each other in the hallways, walking home together, kissing in a rain of cherry blossoms, high school sweethearts; isnât it romantic?
Kiyoko frowns, eyes meeting Daichiâs. Even by Sugawaraâs standards itâs remarkably mature to move on this honorably (and so soon).
Daichi gives a helpless smile.
Sugawara glances over at them in the midst of their abnormal silence, âNervous?â
âYou could say so,â Daichi responds, gaze dwelling on the crowd for a spell, before the match sweeps away all his lingering doubts about the nature of choice.
When the match concludes the people filter out in clumps and streams towards the lockers and shoe racks and home. You stay rooted for a few moments and wave adieu to your friends before you follow behind the river of departure out into the halls.Â
âAre you taking the train today?â You ask Hana, knocking into her side a few times as other students brush by you.
âYeahhhhh,â Hana answers reluctantly, lips pursing,, âI wanna walk with you but I have class so I donât have enough time.â
âIs it Sakamoto-sensei?â Your lips curve downward slightly, into a commiserating upside-down smile. Sakamoto Akari is Hanaâs extracurricular English teacher, who has terrorized your friend for about as long as youâve known her for with stringent pedagogy and landfills of additional homework.
Hana scowls, âPray for me.â
âTo all the gods I know,â You promise her, hugging her quickly before she is carried away by duty and the tide of movement.
The traffic passes after a few minutes. You trip over your laces as you take the initiative to leave, shaking out your shoe and readjusting your bag.
You crouch down in front of some of the lockers to tie your shoes, nearly losing your balance as you switch feet.
âSorry, I just need toââ Sugawara reaches for his locker, and you quickly hobble to the side in an awkward crouched gait.
Itâs a welcome encounter. You havenât walked home with him in quite a while, you realize now.
You tie your laces quickly, straightening up and smoothing out the creases in your clothes.
But you hesitate for a moment.
Can you truly learn to like someone?
Sugawara brushes past you in the span of that moment. Has he always walked that fast, you question dully?
Hey, Suga! Wanna walk together?
His retreating form seems to quake in the sunlight.
Ennoshitaâs voice startles you from your daze. You turn towards him with a smile of propensity.
âDo you, uh, maybe wanna walk together?â His habitually lethargic features are a little lighter, with a small smile as if heâs not quite willing to let himself be too optimistic yet.
Your gaze returns to the lockers for a few moments, slowly retracting your hand from its uncertain reach in the air. How long were you holding it out for?
Eh, probably doesnât matter.
And so you walk conversing with Ennoshita, mouth faintly upturned all the way through the roads, across the sidewalks, past Sugawaraâs front door, in response to Ennoshitaâs smile of goodbye, all the way home.