j e s s e s w a n s o n

          ‘ in a theoretical situation where we haven’t seen each other in months  &  say there was someone else who you started to fall for  &  you wanted to break up with me because of this,  then... ’   yes,  it would be cheating.  maybe if he just  ignores  the question  &  moves right on to the next comment,  she’ll forget all of that.   ‘ you could’ve talked to me about it! ’   now you’re making him feel a little bad.  because  that’s  what is upsetting him at this current time.   ‘ i’m selfless! ’   are you?   ‘ i can’t help your lack of orgasms if you don’t talk to me about things.  you faked it,  how was i supposed to know? ’   i think she means a little more than being selfless on  THAT  topic,  jesse.   ‘ &  i still don’t understand why you hate him.  everyone makes mistakes,  becs.  --  but also,  DOES  he buy her lunch? ’   because he at least had your fathers approval  &  in his mind,  that gave him a one-up on chloe.

          ‘ yes,  i’m serious. ’   the relationship was basically done,  beca.  let it go.   ‘ i mean  -- ’   yes,  it would be.   ‘ do you have feelings for this theoretical guy?  or are you just hooking up with him? ’   because there’s  totally  a difference there.  apparently.  he’s not entirely sure why the comment took him a little bit by surprise.  of course if she was now  DATING  chloe,  they were also sleeping together.   (  which,  he’s not going to lie,  was pretty hot  ),   but hearing it in such  detail  was really a shot to the chest.  ouch.   ‘ what?  no,  we had great sex,  beca,  &  you know it. ’   or,  you know,  YOU  had great sex,  jesse.  &  then there was the tattoo.  okay,  beca,  just rub salt in the wound why don’t you.  brows furrow at the sight,  head tilting slightly in confusion as he moved his attention back to her face.   ‘ you got her name tattooed?  why? ’  maybe he’s a little bit jealous.  after all,  you guys  did  date for your whole college life,  &  yet?  no tattoo.

          ‘ there was no cheating. ’   for someone who cheated,  he’s pretty adamant about  NOT  cheating.  it was a one time thing that,  because he considers it a huge mistake  &  he regrets it,  that it’s not considered cheating because he has remorse.  whatever.  he was taken aback a little by the pitch change.  yep,  he’s pissed her off.   (  because  THAT  is what gave it away  &  not the rest of this conversation  ).   ‘ but we were on a break!  i told you i thought we should see other people  &  THEN  it happened.  that’s not cheating! ’   no,  but the fact you’d hooked up with said girl almost a week prior to telling all that to beca is.   ‘ look,  i get that you’re upset,  &  rightfully so,  but can’t we like,  go out  &  grab a drink  &  talk about it?  or i could come back tomorrow when you’ve had a chance to calm down. ’   because that seems like the  GREATEST  idea of all.

          he does,  actually.  quite a few.  seems to be a popular name back in la.  but she’s the only chloe the two have in common.   ‘ right. ’   well,  beca.  if you’re banging chloe  &  not him,  he’s pretty certain that makes you gay.  which again,  totally fine.  --  his face softened at her words  &  her body language.  he’s seen this side of her before,  many,  many times.  a lot of them  PROBABLY  his doing.  she’s upset,  &  rightfully so.   ‘ i didn’t leave you.  you told me to  follow my dreams  &  my dreams lead me to la.  so,  that was your doing. ’   keep going,  you’re doing amazing,  jesse.   ‘ &  i didn’t cheat on you. ’   yes you did.   ‘ nothing happened until we broke up. ’   there you are again.  lying straight to the poor girls face.  there’s every part of him that just wants to reach over  &  pull her into a big,  comforting,  jesse-bear hug,  but even  HE  knows that’s not the best idea right now.   ‘ i  --  am taking that as a compliment. ’   it’s said so confidently for something he knows he’s completely bullshitting.   ‘ he’s a nice man.  he bought me lunch that one time. ’   such high standards. 

          it  has  been a few years,  so excuse him for  thinking  he knows you when you’ve changed so much,  beca.  really,  the long distance thing should never have been trialled.  he should’ve followed her to new york or convinced her enough to go to la with him.  that was your original plan,  wasn’t it beca?   ‘ ha! ’   a quick point in her direction at the second of many listed.   ‘ i knew that because you updated your facebook page. ’   something she rarely ever did.  also,  didn’t you get unfriended,  jesse?  stop stalking her facebook,  you weirdo.  whoa,  whoa,  whoa.  wait up.  THAT  wasn’t something that was updated on facebook.   ‘ chloe?  you’re dating  chloe?  like,  cute as a button,  redhead chloe? ’   ...   ‘ huh.  so you’re gay now? ’   not that that’s a bad thing,  of course,  he would fully support that revelation.   ‘ so you’re not into me anymore because you’re into girls.  okay,  cool.  that makes more sense. ’   because him doing something wrong  &  being the reason she hates him?  blasphemy. 

          he figured it was acceptable.  they had ended on   (  in his opinion  )   pretty good terms.  the long distance thing didn’t work.  they,  as human beings,  craved intimacy  &  neither of them were getting that whilst on opposite sides of the country.  it was better than suffering through skype calls  &  seeing each other every few months.   ‘ i wasn’t,  i -- ’   he doesn’t have much of an argument against that,  because really,  she owed him nothing at this point.  plus she  DID  cut him off mid-sentence.   ‘ i’m trying to fix things because i realized the mistake i made!  i’m here because i still  love  you  &  no la girl is going to change that. ’   even though one did for a hot minute there.  it was a moment of weakness,  not his finest.   ‘ &  she didn’t dump me,  it was a mutual agreement. ’   not helping your case here,  jesse.

          it was supposed to be a nice,  romantic gesture.  something that almost every 90′s rom-com had copied   (  eat your heart out,  john cusack  ).  he thought it would be  PERFECT.  it was  their  song,  &  he was playing it on a boombox he’d brought all the way from los angeles.  an ideal  guy wins his girl back  scenario in literally any movie ever.  there’s a smile on his face as she opens the door,  one that quickly subsides as her anger seemed to set in.   ‘ beca,  please,  listen. ’   hands reaching out,  ready to hold the door from being slammed in his face if needed.   ‘ i made a mistake,  okay.  it’s you,  it’s always been you  &  i’m sorry,  but i’m here to fix things. ’

          it was the perfect way of doing this,  he’s decided.  ever since his split with his ex  &  the constant reminder of how he fucked up a  REALLY  good thing with beca,  he’s finally decided to take matters into his own hands  &  do something about it.  a boombox with a simple minds cassette in it at the ready sat at his feet as he stood outside her apartment.  he paced back  &  forth for what seemed like  AGES  before finally working up the courage.   (  who knows if she’s even actually home.  maybe he’ll get some angry neighbors to deal with instead  ).  with a deep exhale,  he leaned down  &  pressed play,  the sound of  don’t you forget about me  filling the empty floor of becas apartment building.  |  @justeasicr