everything is blue

This was the first time that Julian was saying anything even hinting at a crush on Jesse, or confusion in his sexuality. This was the first time that he ever came to admit it himself and if he was honest this was not how he would have liked it. But regardless, he was now standing in front of Jesse; his eyes were having difficulty finding the other boy’s, but he was face to face and giving in to his argument. “Okay,” he repeated, although he didn’t sound so sure of himself. “I was expecting a little more than okay, Jesse…. but okay.”

“You know I didn’t mean it like that.” Jesse told him, his voice soft. He’d been shocked. After having a few moments to process everything, Jesse was feeling good about the situation. They weren’t boyfriends, by all means. Jesse wasn’t even sure if they were technically friends. The two had been thrown together by chance and it had somehow ended up here, with Julian standing in front of him, and Jesse’s hand hesitantly reaching up towards the other boy’s face. “Is this okay?” He asked, his fingers gently reaching Julian’s jaw. He wasn’t going to do anything further until he got his answer. 

One More Chance || Jesse & Olivia

Jesse had never really been one to follow sports, other than football, but he couldn’t help but get into the game. Plus, there was this thing that high school girls did when it came to dressing for school pride. There was a lot of body paint and very little clothes, and that was a concept that Jesse could definitely get behind. Prepped for a night of fun, the last thing that Jesse had expected was to get a text from Olivia. It was seemingly random, but she’d always been a little out there when they were together, so Jesse didn’t think much of it. After a bit of texting, he picked up a bottle of water for her and, since the concessions stand was out of nachos, made his way towards the section where Olivia said she was sitting. 

Julian was quickly growing tired of the conversation, annoyed by how much it had escalated from its original intentions. Sure, he was the reason why it had gotten this far to begin with - to the point where Jesse was literally considering finding a new roommate in the midst of their yelling - but regardless he didn’t want to deal with it anymore. Mainly because on and off fighting with Jesse had become so common over the course of their time here that he knew it wasn’t worth giving all his energy to. But perhaps there had been a different reason — there was a point, unknown to Julian, where he would be unable to hold himself back any further and unable to deny any accusations made against him. There was a point where he’d have to tell the truth and he didn’t, by any means, want to reach that point. So he was somewhat grateful that Jesse’s voice softened despite the equally angsty words coming from his lips. Completely ignoring his initial question, Julian was quick to come up with an excuse; one that he played off almost perfectly. “Because,” he spoke sharply, “I don’t want a disease ridden dick floating around my room, Jesse.” He licked his lips, unable to meet Jesse’s eyes. “Maybe your new roommate would like that shit, but I don’t.”

As soon as the words left Julian’s lips, Jesse regretted asking. He knew going into it that he wasn’t going to get the truth out of the other boy, so what was the point? “That’s bullshit and we both know it.” Jesse snapped back at him, clearly at his end point for the night. If Julian wasn’t going to say it, then Jesse was, and he was unafraid of the consequences. “The reason we’re fighting tonight is the same reason we fought last week, and the week before. The reason you don’t talk to me the morning after we party and I hook up with a girl. The reason you get upset at the thought of Margie coming around with Owen.” Jesse shouted at Julian, his filter for words completely gone. He wasn’t concerned about hurting Julian’s precious feelings. “You don’t like seeing me with anyone else because everyone else isn’t you.” Jesse finally hit the climax of the argument. “Just fucking admit it. For once in your life! You want me.”

That trip home was needed, getting away from here for awhile did me good but oddly I missed it here what did I miss while I was away?

“A whole lot of nothing. Don’t worry too much, as long as you’ve talked with your teachers and aren’t falling behind in your classes.”

“Fuck,” Blake cursed under his breath, hanging on the boy’s every word. “That sounds too damn complex, but if it’s a competition, do they all expect you to ask in an extravagant way?” God, Blake had his work cut out for him, especially if these promposals happened in advance. “Undetermined,” he answered quickly with a shrug. “What’s Pinterest?”

“Oh yeah. It’s, like, a universal consensus. Haven’t you ever seen High School Musical 3? Taylor wouldn’t say yes to Chad until he made a grand gesture. That was in like 2008... things have escalated from there.” Jesse explained. He was an expert on many things, and the ways of women was one of them. “Dude, can’t you go talk to Imogen or something about this? She knows more about that girly stuff.”

Julian knew that Jesse was right - as much as he hated to admit it, he was far too temperamental for his own good and he had a nasty habit of hostility. He couldn’t quite keep friends and they were gone just as quickly as he made them. Usually it never bothered him; usually he would make new ones in retaliation to the exit of the old and move on with his life. But there was something about this that was different. Although he was too blinded by his sudden anger to take a moment to excess the situation. He wasn’t being thoughtful about his words or actions and it’d for sure come back to bite him in the ass. “Alright,” he said plainly, monotone of any real emotion. “Isn’t it a little too late for that, Jesse? You might as well be half way out the damn door by now.” He began to crack his knuckles out of nervous habit, a whole hand was done by the time he spoke up again. “Maybe I’m pushing you away became I don’t need you. I don’t need anybody, actually.” Another hand. “In fact, not seeing you again would do me a real favor, you know that? God, it’d be so fuckin’ great.” Julian immediately regretted his words as soon as they left his mouth, but there was nothing that he could do about it now. “I hope the RA hooks you up with someone good. Brock, perhaps? You ought to love him.”

I don’t need you rang out plain as day through Jesse’s head and he physically felt his heart sink in his chest. He wasn’t sure why he was so effected by this fight. If either of them didn’t need each other, it was definitely the other way around. Jesse had friends, he had family, he had a son. He had all that he’d ever wanted, so why did it hurt so badly when he couldn’t have Julian? He stopped filling up his bag and just stood there for a moment, his breathing shallow as he desperately tried to process everything that was happening. “So that’s why this happened then?” Jesse asked him, his voice sounding much weaker than before. He just didn’t have the energy to keep yelling at him, as though Julian even cared enough to listen. He didn’t need him. No one had ever needed Jesse. “Because you found his underwear in here the other day? Why do you even care?”