ANGEL AND DEVIL

I was asked if I was single

I told yes I am

And that I would like to be committed

And they started making fun of me wid a guy in our team

Who said

“I am not right for her”

It sounded taunting

I was hurt

Will I never be beautiful to anyone?

I didn’t even have any interest or thought about pursuing him but

I felt rejected!

I felt unwanted and unloved!

What is exactly wrong with me!?

Am I really not beautiful!??

I don't want any man to like me or love me

But a little appreciation or flirting

Just to you know

To feel good

But people go over me as if I am invisible

They ask me to introduce my friends to them but never

Ask me about me

About things related to me

I feel so bad about myself

Am I really that ugly and an awful of a person!??

I want to feel wanted

I so badly want to feel wanted

Y is it that

No one sees me???

Why is it that people overlook me and I am the one who is always looking at others hoping to be included

I am an adult and I should have already been over this you know

Know my self worth and all that shit

But

I am sooooo sooo

I am not able to open myself to anyone

Where did I go wrong

How can people around me

don't pay much attention to me?

I don't even like getting attention

Yet

It hurts know

That people really don't care

I

I am lonely

I have been single all my life

I want to be loved

I want to be swooned and wooed over

I want to fall in love and get the love story of my life

I

Jus want it so badly

I think I will be alone

I don't want to marry the guy my parents bring

I want to fall in love

I don't want to arrange marriage

And I am not able to get over him.

We never met after I left the school.

And we were never in a relationship I am not sure he is even aware that I exist...

But I am not able to get over him and I am sick of this

Feeling

How can I love and miss something I never had!???

Yet I am searching

For what?

For peace and content?

I failed life miserably

Is it wrong to expect companionship?

I don't want to marry I don't believe in the institution of marriage

but I am lonely.

And it hurts to think of getting married because I am lonely.

Isn't it wrong to marry because you feel lonely?

What will marrying someone bring for me? Heartache?

Hurt? Betrayal?

But I am yearning for a partner to spend my time with. To be loved

To be hugged.

I am looking for a lover...

What can I do to keep my mind quiet..

Now I am anxious.