eska ottimr

paranoid more than normal, unsure

open, with caution

the memory if who i am seems more distant

find it odd and interesting that i lose myself in a new place, like shouldn’t i be the same person no matter where i am?  But times i’ve moved, one of the biggest challenges is to remember who tf i am.  Maybe its bc the ppl around me reflect me to myself, and when those ppl are gone i have to start all over on finding ppl who reflect me again.

maybe thats also a reason to move.  bc growth and evolution are constantly happening BUT BUT BUT .... its probably also true and possible that you can not move and experience growth through the ppl around you bc of the constant change.  

so maybe bc the way which we learn varies and would determine if it would be better to stay or move BUT BUT BUT fuck humans are adaptable.  

anyway. the memory of who i am is distant

i is ego? im not a completely blank slate. But people don’t know my story, or the things i identify with, or as and why.  

I could say none of that matters, but the way society functions it does matter //// is important to know those things about myself and about other folks.  

THE BRAINWASH!  who is doing it?