Jersey Oklahomo

So, it's been a while. I want to make this a normal thing.

I just started a new job. I am also buying a new home with my partner. We are working on it being our first investment together. I am not yet ready to be able to financially be on the deed, but I am finally able to contribute as a guaranteed person bringing in an income. My mother will also be moving here to join us. It's so crazy that 2 years ago I was not yet able to be anything more than a simple worker at an hourly wage of nothing. Now, I am back to my executive status. I am working on an overall plan now.

What happens before I drink...

Stress, isolation, disconnection...

I have found that when I am dealing with stress in personal/family relationships, work, or finances--I tend to try to act as if they aren't happening or aren't bothering me rather than dealing with them. When I do this, I have the tendency to isolate or disconnect from the rest of the world. I find ways to use my time to be in my own world that doesn't have any of these stresses rather than dealing with the issues at hand.

Recently, I realized that I was playing a game on my phone way more than I intended to. Playing games on my phone is something I've never been big on doing because it's always seemed like a waste of time. I could see that it was something that was developing into a problem right away, but I did not stop it because my justification was that I was finding a way to deal with my problems that did not include drinking...but I felt the same qualities of my addiction coming through. I was putting this silly game in front of personal work, relationships, and even professional work. I was finding it as a way of an escape rather than dealing with my problems. When I felt too stressed or overwhelmed by anything going on in my life, I just pulled up the game and it was a distraction. While I understand the importance of coping skills for my anxiety, this was not a great way of dealing with it.

Money issues have also clouded some of the happenings in my life. I've been trying to not let them get to me, but there are times when I allow the uncertainty to get to me.

I allowed it all to pile up on me without discussing it. I didn't go to meetings. I didn't reach out to my network. I let my emotions run high, and then before i even thought too much about it I didn't feel like grabbing a drink was a big deal because it was just a way to not feel this way for a bit. Everything was bad enough, so I think I just assumed it would be a good idea to make it worse.

This was another storybook weekend with the man I love. Life has been treating me so well lately. It's amazing how life can reward you when you're doing what you feel you are supposed to be doing.

Last week I received my new bicycle. I am training to complete a fundraiser for the American Heart Association to bike 200 miles in the month of April. This will mean an average of ~6.5 miles per day, but I do have a trip home planned for 4 days, so it will actually be closer to ~7.7 miles per day on average. Luckily, my ride home is ~5 miles from work and then on the weekends I can make up the variance as needed. Dating a fitness instructor is definitely going to help me keep motivated and accountable. My goal is to lose 20 lbs by May 22---D and I are headed to Austin for Memorial Day weekend. There is this event called SPLASH to open the summer season at Lake Travis and for the entire city. I have put on some weight over the past few months, so I want to feel better about myself by that date.

I have been enjoying the nightly rides and this weekend D and I also rode around Jersey City for a few miles together. It was fun to enjoy one of my favorite pastimes with him. We also had our weekly "cheat" and enjoyed Crumbl at the new location in Jersey City. He had the Lucky Charms cookie and I had the Fruity Pebbles cookie. They were sooooo good! The rain and wind tried to fight us, but we pushed through and the sun came out by the end of our 5.9 mile ride. WOO!

Saturday evening we met up with some of his friends for a game night / take-out potluck. We played "What Do You Meme?" and just hung out and enjoyed a nice evening together. We took a dozen Crumbl' cookies and his friends were so sweet and sang happy birthday to me with a candle in one of the cookies!!! It was so nice and I felt so accepted and special.

Then on Sunday, we attended this awesome flute masterclass that D organized! It was awesome to experience it and hear some great flute students from age 12 to adults learn more about their craft. I also got to meet one of his mentors in music, which was very nice to experience.

We ended the weekend with a wonderful 10 mile bike ride for me and 9 mile run for him at Saddle River Park Trail in Ridgewood. We had some delicious dinner at Bareburger and then one last little "cheat" at Kilwin's Ice Cream in Ridgewood. Then we ended the weekend together before parting ways with watching our new favorite show together...The Amazing Race.

It was such a spectacular weekend, and we even made some major progression in our relationship in some very personal ways. It was so nice and I didn't think love like this existed. It's so nice and he is so loving and caring. I've been so happy and look forward to so many more amazing times. We had been discussing living together in the future, near future, and what that looks like and what needs to happen for each of us to get to that point. We are NOT rushing it, but also making sure we discuss it because we do see it happening soon but only as proper planning happens. AHHH! How refreshing...

WOW! So it's been a whole year since my very first entry and JUST WOW!

I never would have expected life to be where it is now. A year ago I hadn't experienced the dreaded World Trade Center incident, nor another stint in rehab at an amazing place where I met some amazing humans. I received the therapy I think I always needed to begin healing. I started a new job at a level I thought was beneath me, but that was quickly proven to be exactly what I needed and made me remember never to think that things are beneath me.

Exactly one year ago I stepped into that grocery store to get my money order to pay my rent then walked into that beautiful 3 story modern home in Jersey City. I was still so jaded in what I wanted out of life. I got rid of the social media. (Wish I stuck with that one!) Then I started going at life with no direction. It was fun until it wasn't. I am a highly skilled person with direction, and I tried taking on the largest city in the nation without anything except my newly sober mind. Well...we know how that turned out!

In April I had gallbladder surgery and didn't realize it was going to change my life. I went through it sober and then during a crazy weekend with friends visiting I decided it was time to let loose. That ended up with my backpack being left at the World Trade Center unattended. I'm not sure if I remember 2001 correctly, but I think that's one of the largest NO NOs you can do. Luckily for me, the NYPD was forgiving.

That's when I had a friend help me get into the best program I think there is! I did a 10 day detox then I went to the amazing BC! I went there on May 1 and and I wouldn't change a thing. I got Covid during my first week and my mother broke her arm from a fall as I was put into quarantine at this mansion in North Jersey. Yes, sounds made up. NOPE! This is how my life works. I tried to leave, but everyone tried to stop me...but I had some money in my bank account and I knew better!! Then, a friend of mine---one of the sweetest people I think I've ever met outside of family---finally got through to me. I decided that the right thing to do was to stay and get better and not be a burden to add to something that was going to be taken care of without me there. She stepped up as an outside force and helped my Mother and my Sister to make Mom's recovery a little less stressful.

During my time in this "institution" I learned so much. I was paired with the most amazing therapist. I will forever be grateful for the love and care she gave to me. She helped me figure some things about myself that I had been putting away for years. And at the end of every session I had with her, she asked, "What can I do to support you?" I told her every time, "Keep calling me on my bullshit!"

I spent that time learning to love myself but also learning to love NYC and New Jersey. I explored and found new things, new interests, and new love. I left their "institutionalized" housing and went into a sober living home as a stepping stone.

I was told not to date, but I also crave human connection that a "straight" environment just doesn't offer. People could not relate to me. I was lucky enough to be roommates with another gay man who was able to see many things on my same plane. It was wonderful. I talked to him about my idea of dating and I hadn't been on a date in months. I also had never been sober enough to go on a real date in many many years. So, after weeks of talking to a guy I met online, I decided to go on a date when he asked me. (See previous posts for those first few days) Little did I know that with the spark I already had, along with his love and the love of my Sponsor and the family and friends I still stayed in contact with, I would be able to progress so well that I was able to move out and then get a nice job as a Sales Coordinator at a hotel. I spent a couple of months as a server before that, and I actually really loved it! I even walked there every day and home every night--both on the side of a major highway!

I've been a Director of Sales before, so I was a bit humbled by taking a job as an admin. I never looked down on myself though, because I knew that it was a stepping stone. I was the best Sales Coordinator I could be, and on my 90 day anniversary I received the Employee of the Month award! It came with a little bonus, which was cool--but not expected. Keep in mind that I let the GM and DOS know in my interview that I wanted to grow during my interview. At about 4 months, another job as a Sales Coordinator popped up but in NYC. I wanted to apply, but my boss said I hadn't been at the company long enough (6 months). UGH! I was frustrated, but knew my parameters. At 5 months, the Senior Sales Manager position became open at one of our hotels. I know I'm qualified, but I also know I'm not "tenured", so I approached my GM about it and she told me to go for it because she would have my back. She said she would ask for it to hit my 6 months to keep it within policy if I were to receive an offer.

I went to the interview for the Senior Sales Manager position and the DOS said, "This is more of a conversation than and interview. You came highly recommended by [your GM]" She let me know they had an internal candidate who would receive the same interview as I did. I understood that and I was happy to accept the Group Sales Manager position after less than 6 months with the company. WOW! It came with everything except an office with a view.

I am beyond grateful for this opportunity and it has already opened up so many doors and freedom that is all independent! I don't rely on others for anything now, and people depend on me.

TODAY, was a very interesting day for me. I finally feel comfortable in my position and have been taking on all my job responsibilities. My Senior Sales Manager, who has been training me for her previous position, experienced the death of her father. They are Indian, so they had an Indian funeral held near my home. I attended the funeral with several members of my hotel and our entire company. I must say, I was very appreciative of how our company showed up for her. You spend a lot of your time with work family, so to find a good work family means a lot! The funeral service was amazing and beautiful. It was a new cultural experience that left me feeling some way that I couldn't explain. I spent the service talking to God and remembering my Father and thinking about my life and also the future and how my impact will be on others and also about my mother.

Over the past decade, I’ve had the privilege of working with Marriott Hotels (and a few other roles post-Covid), earning the reputation of being a bit of a Marriott expert according to my peers. But in true entrepreneurial spirit, I’ve always kept my eyes on new horizons. While I’ll continue to pursue my real estate career, I’m thrilled to share that my journey is now leading me to an incredible new chapter as the Sales Manager at the Hyatt House Jersey City!

This amazing hotel sits right on the Hudson River, with breathtaking views of Manhattan. I can’t help but feel a little awe-struck—this kid from Altus, Oklahoma, now the Sales Manager at a hotel overlooking the largest city in the country.

I want to take a moment to thank everyone who’s supported me along the way. Your encouragement has built my confidence and helped me embrace challenges I once thought were beyond me. This past year has been one of deep self-reflection and growth. I’ve worked hard to address my flaws—learning to love and accept them—and I’m proud of the person I’m am and who I am becoming.

To my mom and sister, thank you for always being my foundation. And to David, as we approach my one-year anniversary in New Jersey, I’m so excited for what the future holds for us. Your love and support mean the world to me. We make it a great day every day!

The Holiday Inn Express reached out to the Chamber of Commerce to find a qualified sales professional to bring on as a sales manager for their hotel, so they referred me to the hotel. They hired me as the Sales Manager for the hotel. I led the sales efforts and then 9 months later became the General Manager for the hotel. I oversaw the entire operation until I decided I wanted to move to a larger market and use my newfound skills of hotel management. I was able to secure a position in Dallas with my former General Manager at her hotel. This started my journey with Marriott branded hotels in 2015. I was the dual Complex Front Office Manager for the Courtyard & Fairfield Inn & Suites Dallas Medical/Market Center. After working as the front office manager for a year I was promoted to the Complex Sales Manager for the hotels.

An opportunity for the new Courtyard Dallas Downtown that was being built came to me by way of a referral from a friend who they had reached out to. He was not ready for the director position yet, but said he knew someone who was...so they reached out to me. We went in as a team and in 62 days into pre-opening we were able to secure nearly $2 million in future business on the books. The hotel sold shortly after and the new management company brought their own DOS and GM. I then moved to a project to open the SpringHill Suites Dallas Central Expressway. I ran a singular sales effort at the hotel and was able to secure many major accounts for a successful opening for this hotel. It was not a convention hotel, so it wasn't quite as impressive of a number.

After completing this project, I was approached by the Element Dallas Downtown East. The outgoing DOS was a friend of mine who I helped open the hotel. She reached out a lot during the opening of the hotel for advice, so I knew the hotel very well and had a background with the team. I was with that hotel for several months leading into Covid. Unfortunately, we began losing thousands of dollars every day beginning in March. By April we had laid off the entire team and were running with a skeleton management crew. Unfortunately, we were only making $1000 a night and it wasn't enough to support my salary, so I was laid off.

After this, I decided to get my Texas Real Estate license during the downtime. I worked as a Sales & Leasing agent with Century 21 and Dave Perry Miller and as a Realtor with the MetroTex association of realtors.

My mentor in the hospitality industry worked with Highgate and reached out to me because we stayed in contact over the pandemic. She offered me a position as a GM for a hotel in Oklahoma City where I was originally from, so I relocated to take the position. The hotel was 10+ years overdue for a renovation and was in poor condition, so it was quite a challenge. I was also in charge of the sales efforts for the hotel, since it was the only hotel in Oklahoma in the region. The hotel was being prepared for auction and I left the hotel during that time as I had some medical issues to attend to as well.

Wow! I've had some time to think this year. Thank you to everyone who loved and believed in me.

I got rid of the filth that was my life. I'll take full responsibility. Thank you all for teaching me how not to be.

Lives that matter are mine. That's how you feel, and I get it. Our country was founded by people you cannot relate with. I don't get them either. My great-grandparents were likely slaves or on the trail of tears. Remember that unless you were forced on this nation or from this nation, you are only a few generations from being an immigrant yourself.

The recent election taught me something. It taught me that in the fight for love, we are losing. I agree with your election choice, because I know you did it for your own reasons. I will not love you any more or less. At the age I am, I should probably believe in something, but I only believe that the people I respect are just as lost as I am. If this upsets you---then that's on you!

I see your side and I see my side. Let's find a way to meet in the middle. When you tell me that your God hates what I am, then I think your God doesn't love you for that secret you have that you won't tell anyone. When it all comes down to it, that's you and your God's relationship. You are obviously insecure. That's unfortunate. It's like me telling you how to love your partner. I'd appreciate you staying out of that relationship. And, if you don't agree with gay marriage, then let me marry your mother, sister, or daughter....she will be so happy. I'm not a Republican because I am not the box we put ourselves in. I'm not a Democrat because I am not the box we put ourselves in.

So, this weekend was one of those Hallmark Movie kind of weekends, if I must say so myself! So...I've been seeing this awesome guy for several weeks this summer, and we have been going on at least one date a week. With school starting back and him being a teacher, his schedule is getting much tighter with time and availability...but he has been so sweet to find time in his busy schedule to spend with me. He has a lot going on and over the next couple of weeks he has a trip out of the state, so when we were talking at the end of last week we were discussing when we could see each other again. Sadly, it looked like it was going to be mid-September before we could see each other! Now, while we are taking things pretty steadily and at a nice pace, I was a bit sad that we would have over 2 weeks without seeing each other. I totally understood though and decided I would be patient and because I think this guy is totally worth it, waiting a little bit is totally good with me. Since I am without a vehicle and we live ~25 miles from each other, it can be a challenge to see each other more. Plus, I'm liking the general pace of things anyway and being mindful of my codependent ways.

Well, on Saturday morning I woke up and made a delicious breakfast. He and I shared our morning salutations via Snapchat and were just casually conversing when he let me know that his plans had been cancelled on Saturday night. Before I move on, let me back up to Friday night! On Friday he went out with some of his friends and former coworkers who he has apparently been speaking to about this new guy he's been seeing---that's me! They are all eager to meet me! AHHHH! He's telling his friends all about me!!! This is cute and a bit scary, but in the best way possible. I know I'm a good guy and his friends have nothing to be worried about---but it's always scary going under the microscope with the new friends wanting to meet you. I joined them for a couple of video messages at their dinner/happy hour and got to virtually meet them quickly. They all seemed really sweet and I look forward to meeting them.

Back to Saturday----so his plans didn't work out for his original evening, which I felt bad about for him, but was also very pleased that it could mean that he and I would get a chance to get together! We started planning a bit and decided to meet up after he finished something he needed to do in the city. Well, I had plans to attend an event that was supposed to last throughout the day and he was going to pick me up from it after his plans were finished. Unfortunately, my event turned out to be less engaging than expected and took me all of 30 minutes to see all I needed to see before ditching that idea. Since I had all this extra time, I thought it might be best to just go back to the city and meet him there and then we could ride back together and it would avoid him needing to come find me where I was. We decided to meet at Penn Station in NYC. It's so crazy how I feel every time I see him. It's like the first time. I get a little shy and silly feeling. I don't like to think of it as nervous, but I guess I do get a bit nervous---but in the most relaxed way. It's like I don't know what to do with my eyes or my arms, but I don't feel like it's a bad thing or that I'm being judged for it. I think that makes sense, and is the best way I know how to explain it.

So this weekend was one out of a Hallmark movie. Wow! I couldn’t have made it up and made it any better. So things have been progressing and feelings have been intensifying with this gentleman I’ve been seeing since August 1 and been talking to for several months now. He spent part of the summer in Austria, and we started talking before that and kept the conversation going while he was there and then met in person after that. We spent the entire month of August courting each other and getting to know each other and watering the seed of the relationship.

He and I are such busy people, by our own choosing. I have been making some major changes in my life and progressing personally in all areas—-mentally, physically, professionally, friendships, emotionally, and accountability. I am on this journey of sobriety and personal recovery in that matter, and he is so encouraging with that and so chill about it. He is so dedicated to his careers—-being an elementary music educator and a fitness instructor. Yes…you read that right! He is such a special and bright person, and is just such a bright and shiny light of positivity. It’s so refreshing and beautiful to hear and see how passionate he is about all he does. It’s also very inspiring. He reminds me of myself and how the true me is and has been in the past. Anyway, with both of us having very busy schedules, it’s going to be a fun but totally exciting puzzle to figure out with him to make this not only work, but thrive.

Now, I don’t want to get ahead of myself…but I’m only going to say what I feel because I am in the business of rigorous honesty. A friend of mine and I were talking a couple of weeks ago and I told him about the new guy and he said, “What if you met your husband?” And I have been in a bit of a daze about that comment since. I’ve had some relationships over the years and all started out fun and exciting, but were just that superficial fun and also not really rooted in anything other than lust that turned into something more. This felt a lot more organic in becoming a friendship and based on our interests and personalities meshing well, then turning into more. Our first few dates were not centered around our physical attraction to each other. I honestly was soooo insecure when I went on our first date. I thought this guy was going to judge things about me and I almost went in being fake and not authentically me, and at the last minute talked myself into being myself. Wow am I glad I did. Anyway…so my friend mentioned the husband comment and it has been making me think. Now, while I am not trying to get ahead of myself, I do feel like as I get older I am over the casual dating to figure things out and more looking for the real deal and a future partner. And as I work on myself, I think it only fair to myself and my hard work that I actually go for the gold and start paying attention to my wants and needs for my future. I have always wanted kids, and so does he. I’ve always wanted to travel, and he loves to travel. I’ve always wanted a guy with goals and dreams, and he has them. And our chemistry with each other is so relaxed. It’s just like we’ve known each other for years. It’s uncanny.

WOW! So, I wasn't even really looking for a relationship, but met this totally awesome guy. We have now been on 5 dates, I believe. I'm losing count now. He is soooo awesome. He is definitely unlike any other guy I've had a relationship with. He is a good guy and has real goals and works hard at everything he does. It is very refreshing to meet someone like this. The best thing is that he is totally cool with me being me. He is aware of my journey through addiction recovery and likes me for my awareness and for working on myself!

I will admit that I kept it from him initially because I just knew he would run as soon as he knew I was dealing with such a major issue in my life, but the more that I got to know him, the more comfortable I was with just being myself and the more I wanted to be authentically me and rigorously honest. It's amazing how things work out when you don't add any extra pressure to things and just be yourself.

I have been advised that it is not wise to make any major changes or to get into a relationship during your first year of sobriety, as it can cause you to lose focus on your recovery and also cause the potential for a relapse should something negative happen with the relationship. Additionally, with my codependency issues, it could cause a new manifestation of my addictive behaviors. While I totally respect these things, I also am not in the mindset of letting life pass me by, and I look at this as a way for me to practice mindfulness. As far as major changes, I believe that my entire life is a major change at this junction. I relocated from a totally different region of the country, initiated a total overhaul of my relationships with friends and family, changed my contact information, started a new job with a role I've never done, began practicing sobriety, and am currently looking for permanent residency in NYC/NJ. I think the whole idea of not changing things in sobriety is a bit different for me. Not that I am trying to be terminally unique, but because I am in the situation I am in and not returning to my normal day-to-day life as it was before. I am able to be anonymous and recreate my life again the way that it should have been from the start of my adulthood.

With all of that being said, I am being as mindful as possible of my actions and intentions as I enter this relationship. As of now, I am not sure where the relationship is, but he continues to want to see me at least once a week, and makes time for me within his very busy schedule. We talk daily and he keeps me updated on what's going on in his life, as do I. We build each other up and encourage each other. We have had sex and are very attracted to each other.

So this past Thursday was my second date with this new guy I’ve been talking to. He is such a sweetheart and I’m really enjoying getting to know him more. It feels really good because it’s not feeling stressed or strained like so many of my relationships have felt. It is flowing naturally without much effort. Is that how these relationship things are supposed to work?? Haha! I have had the tendency to quickly get lost in relationships, which causes me to lose myself and normally causes my batty side to come out.

I really appreciate that this guy has been very communicative about what he does and doesn’t like about certain things, specifically emotionally in regard to jealousy and control in a relationship. As I have been taking an introspective look at myself, I am seeing that my norm is to be a bit jealous and controlling in relationships. These are a couple of character defects that I am working on specifically, so it’s mighty interesting that he would present himself in this very moment of my journey.

The way that he communicates is unlike any other guy in my past has communicated. He kind of reads me and says it the way I can accept it and he is very clear and direct. It’s so refreshing and sweet.

My problem right now is that I am waiting for something bad to happen, for the other shoe to drop! Why do I do this to myself? I am waiting for this guy to use my flaws as a reason to abandon me. I have absolutely no reason to think that this man would not like me and I’m actually working super hard to make sure I am doing things right to make this work. Now, we haven’t even had that discussion yet about this being something deeper, so I’m not sure what trajectory this is heading.

Well, tonight is our third date and the one where we will be intimate for the first time. Firstly, this is the first time I’ve been courted or courted someone like this in a very very long time, if ever. We have gone on real dates and have spent time getting to know each other on a deeper level, with a clear physical attraction.

WOW! Last night I had a first date with this guy I've been talking to for several weeks online. He asked me on a date, so I decided to go. We have had some really nice conversations and have soooo much in common. It has been super refreshing having conversations with him. He is smart, funny, witty, and seems very genuine. He is so handsome. He is a music teacher and a fitness instructor. We have very similar positive attitudes and optimistic ways of thinking and seeing the world. He has even made me think about picking the French Horn back up after a 20 year sabbatical. He is a professional flautist, and I got to hear some of his wonderful music. It was awesome and he is so talented.

We had Thai food at this awesome restaurant that I found my first few days in the Montclair area. I was on my way to a meeting and had some time to kill, so I checked out this area and walked by this Thai restaurant and smelled the delightful smells coming from it. I even took a picture of the place (June 21) and remember thinking to myself that it would be a cool place to go on a date. And literally went on a date there a few weeks later. I am enjoying this manifestation in my life. After the Thai restaurant we decided to go get ice cream, which was our original plan for the date. We went to a Thai Rolled Ice Cream shop nearby that we walked to. We had a wonderful conversation while we were there and it made the date feel more relaxing. After the ice cream we went to his car and he took me home. On the way home we discussed his flute playing and when we got to my house he let me hear one of his recordings. It was so beautiful. With my love of concert bands and musical orchestra instruments, I was totally enthralled by it and the beauty of the sounds and talent.

He was so cute driving. He is almost 6'0" and sits like an old lady in the car. He is a very careful driver and doesn't text and drive. It was really cute to see.

After we got to my driveway, we listened to the flute music then had an amazing goodnight kiss that turned into a goodnight make out session. WOW! His lips were amazing and the kisses were so natural and warm and all the things you want from a nice kiss. We didn't want to stop and he put his hands on my chest because I was wearing a button up shirt. He loved my soft skin and his hands caused an electric feeling when he touched me. Since he is a fitness trainer he has some beautiful defined muscles, so I got my chance to finally feel them and WOW!!! I was so pleased with touching him.

I'm trying not to get ahead of myself, but it was seriously the best first date I think I have ever been on. There wasn't any sense of force or expectation. The connection felt genuine and relaxed. It feels weird since I'm sober and also still a bit messed up from previous relationships. I'm very positive but this is one area where I guess I am still a bit jaded. I want to expect the best but it's difficult to do so.

Earlier this week I went on an interview for a Sales Coordinator position for a management company that manages a Marriott hotel near the American Dream Mall in New Jersey. I have spent the past 10 years of my life managing Marriott hotels in Dallas and Oklahoma City, so I am a bit overqualified for the actual position. That was, of course, the first conversation that we had when I received the first call to set up an interview. I have received this same apprehension in every interview that I have had thus far---and I totally appreciate the reasoning behind it. When someone comes in with ample experience to a position in which they are overqualified it can cause the interviewer to anticipate several things. In my personal professional experience, it can mean..

1.) This person is just looking for whatever they can find until the next big opportunity comes along. This will mean that it will be a waste of my time, training efforts, and potential for a more long-term candidate.

2.) This person is lying on their resume and does not have the experience that they are claiming. With tools such as LinkedIn and the connections within this industry, it is easy for others to check this out than it has ever been.

3.) This person will not be "teachable" due to their past. They will feel like they are in charge from the beginning and will try to assert their dominance in the position even though their title does not give them that power.

4.) This person will not be happy with their pay, and therefore will not give 100% of their effort in the position.

There are several other small red flags that this raises, but these 4 are the main things I think of when I have seen excellent resumes cross my desk.

My resume has been a bit spotty since Covid for a variety of reasons. Firstly, this was during my less than amazing relationship and codependent relationship with my former partner. This was also due to my alcohol dependency taking a major uptick during this time. This was also due to some untreated mental health issues, including depression and anxiety. Although the anxiety was highly related to my alcohol use, in my opinion, it was not being acknowledged as an issue until I accepted my alcoholism as a major issue. The depression of losing my father, being laid off from my first Director position, and being in a truly unfulfilled relationship caused my to lose a lot of my self-esteem and confidence. Of course, my quick fix and also detrimental downfall was heavy alcohol use. It was the surefire way of making sure that the anxiety went away in the moment. It also helped with my perceived sense of confidence, but it required constant maintenance upkeep. With all of these things playing part in my life, my average time at a job since 2020 has been 2-5 months that has now equaled 13 jobs that I have had since 2020---ranging from entry-level jobs making just above minimum wage to two General Manager positions in 2 different industries and most recently a server job. WOW! This is my first time counting. This also includes four 30-45 day inpatient rehabs in the mix of the 4 years. Needless to say, my professional life has not been the best after having an amazing resume.

So, this is my new start in New Jersey. I answered the question honestly regarding my backtrack in my professional career. I recently relocated to the area and I would like to learn the market before jumping in full throttle. I feel that I can be better suited for the market if I begin at a level where I am able to have a mentor to teach me the area and to help form relationships as I grow my own professional network. Additionally, personally, this will allow me to grow my entire network and reputation in the area as I work toward building my real estate career.

Step three is the first step toward affirmative action---making a decision to turn my will and life over. Am I ready to do this? I am so used to doing everything the way that I want to do it. I usually end up with positive results when I follow my will, so it can be difficult to think that my way is wrong or ineffective. And, although I have admitted that my life has become unmanageable as a result of my addiction and that I am powerless over that addiction---and I even believe that God has the power to do anything in my life. The question remains, am I ready to turn my will over to that Higher Power that I have identified? Am I truly ready to begin aligning my will with the will that God has for my life? Am I ready to begin deflating my ego?

The 12 & 12 mentions that once we have placed the key of willingness in the lock and have the door ever so slightly open, we find that we can always open it some more. However, when I begin to take my will back it can slam the door shut again.

So many times in my life, I have tried to have complete control by manipulating everything in my life to work out the way that I want it to work out. I sometimes do this without regard to how it affects others or sometimes if it is even what I really want. I have an idealistic view of how things should be, and I go to any lengths to be the puppeteer that controls it. This comes in the form of jobs, relationships, reputation, and whatever else I feel I can control. If there is any control to be had, I tend to make the effort to take it. Now, I am faced with this decision to listen to these suggestions that have been given to me by people who have what I want, but I still want to maintain complete independence. I'm sometimes afraid that by turning over my will, I will no longer be able to feel like myself. I'm afraid I'll be boring. I'm afraid I won't be achieving the goals I set for myself.

I think I am learning a little bit every day what God's will is in my life. I used to think it was boring and the hard way, but it is actually starting to feel a little more in line with positivity and a positive outcome. I can do a great job at ignoring what God's will is for my life, but that's usually when I don't take the time to think things through.

For example, I am interviewing for a job right now. It is a crossroads in life at this current moment, so I am thinking it through carefully. The issue I had at the beginning is that it is what I want to do, and I've been learning that what I want is wrong sometimes because of my intentions. This is why I have spoken to 4 different trusted people in my life to discuss this matter. All have questioned my motive and what it will look like for my future due to the patterns I have followed in the past, rightfully so. I would be totally ignorant not to pay attention to those things, but I also have to remember that I have not always been wrong or ill-intended with my motives---so acknowledging them and dissecting them is a better idea. So, I want the job because it offers stability, set benefits, and little to no learning curve. It will also allow me to have less responsibility than I had in the most recent leadership positions---including (most importantly) not managing other people. However, I will still be able to be creative and have a voice in daily matters, just not the final say. This will be the case in any position I take with any job, and with my current job. I am not in charge, so I will always need to take direction and have more people giving me direction. This position does offer the ability to progress in the field, so I must be mindful that I am a power/money/title chaser. I have paid attention to the fact that I have already look at this company's career site to check for upward mobility opportunities. This is NOT a bad thing, as with any job, I want to have a valid chance for growth and a backup plan to my original plan of pursuing the real estate career. Additionally, with my resume being filled with nearly 10 years of hospitality experience, this position would be able to stabilize and continue that background and experience and continue to tell the story that a resume should when presented to the person reviewing it. While I do intend on real estate eventually being my main source of income and main focus, stable income is necessary to support this venture. I believe that taking the step back professionally in hospitality will allow me to focus my free time in the personal priorities such as recovery, real estate, and building relationships in New Jersey and NYC. Financially, the job will provide stability to me. Will I get wealthy or be wealthy by this sole income? NO! It will put me around a median income for the area, which is good---but much less than I am used to long term. I also have taken into account the commute I will have to take on a daily basis. There is a bus that picks up in front of my home M-F, which picks up at 6:40am and arrives to work at 7:45am. If this does not work, there is also a 6:05am pickup that arrives around 7:08am. The total cost for these will equal $2-$3 per day. For return, I can be back by 5:36pm by leaving at 4:30pm daily from the hotel. This will also cost $2-$3 per day. So, at most I will be utilizing $6 in round trip fare per day to equal $30 per week. This is worth it to me. The time spent will be 2 hours commuting, also okay with me. I will utilize this time to learn new things or listen to Podcasts or contact my network/send emails/etc..

What causes me to feel lonely? I typically say that loneliness is a trigger for me to drink--not that I need a trigger to drink. I usually feel as if I need companionship eventually to feel comfortable in doing things. I believe that may be due to my need for validation that I did not receive from others growing up. I actually do like doing things alone. Eventually, I do long for the company of others doing these things with me. I tend to do things the way that I want to do them without asking for others to validate. My family and I were very different from each other, which usually made me feel like the loner in the group. I was always the one who liked more academically challenging things and intellectual and informational hobbies and experiences. It was normal for me to read encyclopedias and have a fascination with history, geography, statistics, architecture, math, and some science. No one in my family was very keen to this way of thinking, and most of the time did not engage in it because they really had no fascination in it or knowledge on many of the things that I tended to include myself in. I tried to get them involved, but they did let me know that they were not interested. They did not stifle my views or beliefs, but just did not engage. I think I always longed to have others around me who were interested in the things I am interested in, but have never been apologetic for my interest in the things in which I am interested. Additionally, I am normally open-minded to exploring new things, but do not put my time in effort into things once I have made a decision on my disinterest in them. This is where I can be closed-minded. There are many things that I do not wish to know about, and therefore find it totally impossible to try to understand. Most sports make no sense to me and I cannot follow them, and I have always gotten confused by them, for example. I believe much of this is due to my prejudice created by them because this was an area where I was "persecuted" for my lack of interested by my extended family. I remember it always being a point of conversation that "Dean does not play any sports" or "Dean doesn't like sports". It was a major and constant and ANNOYING question from most of the family.

When I feel lonely, I feel as if others don't understand me and it reminds me of growing up when I felt like I had no one around who really understood me and the things I liked. The one time I have felt understood with the way that I thought about things was in my relationship with Eric. We were able to discuss things that I liked more than I could with anyone else I have known. He was very overpowering in his delivery, which was somewhat intimidating, but I believe I allowed the abuse because I had found someone who actually seemed interested in the things I was interested in for the first time in my life. I think this need for acceptance overpowered any other emotional need. This overwhelming acceptance along with a sexual chemistry made this prolonged incorrect relationship. The codependency in this relationship developed quite quickly from both ends. I also did a very good job of making this relationship my most important relationship, and sometimes the only relationship that mattered. It caused many of my friendships and family relationships bend or even break.

I haven't been the best about nurturing the friendships that I've had. I think having so much time being the loner and recycled only child as a kid has made it easy for me to be detached from others. Even when I had closer relationships or bonds formed, I was usually removed from them due to growing up in the Air Force town and also growing up in a secluded area away from friends or neighbors. I put a lot of effort into friendships, but typically when they are in front of me. Most of the time, if someone is not around me or near me, I don't take much time to think about them.

Taking this step into sobriety and moving to New Jersey has helped me to reevaluate the relationships that I do have and have chosen to hold on to. I may have gone a bit overboard by washing myself of ALL relationships, but it has proven to be very relieving for me. It has also been interesting which relationships have gotten stronger after this process. I also am finding that I am able to make better decisions about who I do let into my life. I think I have confused quantity with quality so much in the past that I have confused being alone with loneliness. I sometimes have this view that being alone is a bad thing, but I am working on this. I am finding that doing things alone is actually very nice. I have been finding that I am not as dependent on needing a relationship or the need for one. I am also starting to make progress on remembering my hobbies and goals, and working toward them. I think I have spent so much of my time trying to entertain others and keep busy that I have not actually taken the time to pay attention to my needs and make them happen. This alone time is allowing me to actually pay attention to my needs and work on myself. The more I work on myself, the more I am actually finding that I don't need this quantity of "acquaintances" around me that I once felt the need to surround me.

I have also been finding that I am being more mindful of the people of whom I ask advice. I have used my more manipulative tendencies to ask the people I knew who would give me the answers I wanted to hear when I asked for advice. I have made it a point to reach out to those who have my best interest in mind. Sometimes what they have to say does align with what I already had in mind, but many times they also offer a perspective that I have either not thought of or that I have purposely avoided.

BURGERS: -Alex's Santa Fe Burger - (6g net carbs, 44 g protein, 54g fat) - Remove bun - Steamed Broccoli/Roasted Asparagus/Garlic Butter Mushrooms -Boss Burger - (8g net carbs, 85g protein, 95g fat) - Remove bun & BBQ sauce - Steamed Broccoli/Roasted Asparagus/Garlic Butter Mushrooms -Just Bacon Burgers - (5g net carbs, 48g protein, 63g fat) - Remove bun - Steamed Broccoli/Roasted Asparagus/Garlic Butter Mushrooms -Mushroom Swiss Burger - (5g net carbs, 45g protein, 62g fat) - Remove bun - Steamed Broccoli/Roasted Asparagus/Garlic Butter Mushrooms -Old-timer Burger w Cheese - (4g net carbs, 44g protein, 47g fat) - Remove bun - Steamed Broccoli/Roasted Asparagus/Garlic Butter Mushrooms

STEAKS: -Classic Ribeye - (0g net carbs, 67g protein, 40g fat) - Steamed Broccoli/Roasted Asparagus/Garlic Butter Mushrooms -Sirloin - (0g net carbs, 38g protein, 13g fat) - Steamed Broccoli/Roasted Asparagus/Garlic Butter Mushrooms

SALAD: -Caesar Salad (with dressing) - (6g net carbs, 3g protein, 14g fat) -House Salad (without dressing) - (7g net carbs, 3g protein, 3g fat)

GRILLED FAJITAS: -Steak fajitas - (2g net carbs, 27g protein, 9g fat) - No tortillas -Chicken fajitas - (1g net carbs, 28g protein, 3.5g fat) - No tortillas - Sour cream, cheese, Pico, Steamed Broccoli/Roasted Asparagus/Garlic Butter Mushrooms

SANDWICHES: -California Turkey Club (6g net carbs, 23g protein, 31g fat) - Remove bun/bread - Steamed Broccoli/Roasted Asparagus/Garlic Butter Mushrooms -Bacon Avocado Grilled Chicken Sandwich - (8g net carbs, 43g protein, 32g fat) - Steamed Broccoli/Roasted Asparagus/Garlic Butter Mushrooms

SMOKEHOUSE COMBOS: -Jalapeno Cheddar Smoked Sausage - (3g net carbs, 21g protein, 31g fat) - No Sauce - Steamed Broccoli/Roasted Asparagus/Garlic Butter Mushrooms -Ribs - (10g net carbs, 49g protein, 53g fat) - No Sauce - Steamed Broccoli/Roasted Asparagus/Garlic Butter Mushrooms