Jennifer Jasiczek

The anniversary of my terrible #caraccident was 08/15.  It’s been a long year. While I worked on my anger during the Lenten season, I occasionally see that side of me that just lose it with people... or as J2 says 0 to bitch in less than 60... I love the app Time Hop... except when it reminds me of the not so good times. You all who have met me through social media know I keep it 100. No censorship here.

Last summer Isabel and I were just coming back from a wonderful soccer trip to the UK. The girls played well, beat everyone they came across and we filled in tons of tourist stuff everywhere we could. I was preparing my boys to head to college when in one instance of someones careless distraction my life was changed. And when I say changed, I mean changed! Everything came to a grinding halt. 

Where am I today? Well, I am still recovering. My neck hurts most days. My back hurts everyday. I am still only at the desk for 30 minutes before the pain starts, but manage to sit here about 1 hour at a time, then take brief breaks. I’ve given up my office I had for about 8 years to strictly work from home. I need the bed several times a day. And my knees!! My left knee was the worst. I suffered a meniscus tear from impact with the dash. I didn’t really understand the mechanics of it all, thinking a simple meniscus repair and I would hobble out of day surgery. NOPE. My doctor said I had the cartilage of a 20 something (yay me!) so he had to repair it not just trim out the torn piece as has been done with J2. This meant 8 weeks in an immobilizer and non weight bearing on my left leg. Whoa! Wait a minute! I have clients! I have Riverwalk elopements in 2 weeks on Valentines Day! I have five kids! I have a life! jesus christos that was rough. J2 took several weeks off from work to take care of me. Thank you Wal-Mart, for the ease of filing FMLA. We were unprepared but they always take care of us when surprises happen. 

It had taken me months of therapy on my back and neck before I could tackle my knee and to be sidelined yet again has been hard on this wedding planner, mother of 5, serial entrepreneur... But here I am, it’s August 24th and the first day of school! Hallelujah! I always look forward to this day. Empty House - only three kids left, but No. As a family, we all decided the older boys would be home. Alex is attending UTSA (he wanted to help me) and Frank at NW Vista while he figures out which music program he wants to apply to (He’ll probably head NW and never come home again). We anticipate another surgery and it takes a village to make this family work. {Tears are streaming down my face right now} I never want to rely on my children. I haven’t been there for all of them like I am used to and it’s truly heartbreaking. But the pride I feel that we are all together to make this next chapter smoother - well, I just can’t describe it. I will enjoy them all here these next few months and hope for the best. 

I am still in therapy for all three - neck, back and knee. See, what I didn’t know until physical therapy was the damage caused to my patellar tendon from impact with the dashboard. This shit hurts! it’s hurts all the time. Every DAMN DAY! While my meniscus seems good to go, just still very stiff (Doc says 1 year before I notice it not so stiff - ONE YEAR from surgery) this little tendon stretching over my knee cap has a larger swath of scar tissue. Today I’ve taken the kids to school and not much else. I’ve been sitting at desk 30 minutes and guess what hurts? that stupid patellar tendon (and of course my back and neck, but yeah, my knee still hurts). So I am pissed off when I hear an insurance adjuster say crap like “I’m not sure these injuries are consistent with a car accident”. What the hell kind of BS is this?  You talk to anyone who knew me pre-car accident and they will tell you I was active, a tennis player, an amateur runner, a charity worker, a self starter, an entrepreneur who never stopped or slowed down. I’ve got hustle. I still have hustle, I just have to channel it differently. I run this house and this whole damn family, so who has time for recovery? It’s been hard. It continues to be hard. I am trying not to be pissed but there are some good people out there who have taken care of me and I would like to get them paid. But it seems I am going to have to fight for what is right. I wasn’t playing with my radio or on the phone - the college kid was. Coming from yoga or who knows, not paying attention and ran a red light. I was 5 minutes from home, the last stop light. She was doing cartwheels on campus the next day while my college kid was helping me off the bed.  She was enjoying her college football game last Fall while my college kid came home to work an event for me. Her family was on vacation in Mexico while my family didn’t have the funds this summer for a trip because I went in the hole last fall to the tune of about $20k to keep my business and obligations. She went back to college last week, my baby is staying home to help me while I continue to recover. 

What does 20 yrs of marriage look like? 

Right now it looks a lot like unconditional love. My poor husband. He is a saint. And for those of you that know us in real life know that he was pretty bad ass before my #caraccident.  We have a true partnership. There are no duties divided among typical gender roles (well, I still don't cut the grass) but everything else is done as needed by whomever is available.  People are always amazed all I can do and give it all to J2. He is the reason I can do anything.

After being married 20 years I love him more and more. Talk about a stand up guy. This car accident has tested us financially right when my second kid was going into college. It has tested us physically. It has tested us emotionally. I've gotten better at saying I am sorry for being a horrendous bitch to him. It's because he is here and will always be here I can lash out when I am in pain. I find myself identifying it so much quicker. And he has gotten less patient and told me to go lay down. Hahahaha. He just pats me on the head and helps me get up on the bed for my required timeout.

Our anniversary was on Wednesday. We went out with the kids for dinner. They wanted us to have a night out on own. We told them that stopped when we had Alex and it wasn't changing anytime soon. To be honest, we are the most content with our kids here and doing for and with them. Thank you mom and dad for teaching me this. I see parents who take every advantage do to things on their own. I think that is important if you need it. We don't. We need them all around. Last weekend we made the trek home to see family that we love dearly. So after 20 yrs, we drove home. J2 and I were alone in the car, just like the few days before we got married 20 yrs ago. All the kids were in Alex's car (Way ahead of us). It was a nice moment alone but the fun started when we got home to see the parents and Michael and his family. I could spend every weekend with my kids, Michael & his kids and my parents.

It's Ash Wednesday, the start of the Lenten season. I give up Anger for Lent.

I have my routine and ritual for every Lenten season. it's usually pretty involved and hard to keep up (As my mother said, it's not easy being Catholic). This year I am going to keep it simple. And I'm going to make it public. I'm giving up my anger for Lent. 

I've been angry since August 15th of last year. You could hear it in my voice when I called 911 and dropped a few f bombs to the operator about some asshole running a red light. That one event, a distracted driver, has seriously impacted not only my life but my family. And when I say family, I mean my husband - who has been a saint. A SAINT! My children. Oh my poor children who have suffered emotionally. Especially my only daughter, Isa.  But also my extended family. My inability to be in the car long means I haven't been home since August so I have to wait for them to come to me. I miss my brother and his kids and I miss my parents.  (thank you San Antonio for the new distracted driving laws now on the books and in full effect).

I've been so angry because I should not have to suffer like this. The back pain and now in the middle of recovery from knee surgery is just pointless. I repeat: I shouldn't have to deal with this shit. It hurts. All the time. The financial pain is one thing, but the emotional pain I have suffered has been sometimes too great to bear that I've told my husband I just can't live like this. It's been a real struggle. My family, My children do not deserve this.

Some of How this has impacted me:

The accident happened the day before my family was coming into town for one last hurrah with the boys before they left for college. For Frank, that meant I didn't get to shop to buy all the stuff he needed for his apartment. I had to sub that out to my mother. I didn't get to spoil him. I didn't get to over indulge. I didn't get to tell him I don't care what it cost, get it now, I don't know when I can visit you. As it is, I've only visited him once (and guess what - it was hella painful)

My daughter suffers from severe anxiety. She has selective mutism (unable to speak in a social setting) She prefers that I am with her for soccer and other activities. My accident rendered me unable to be there for her and she suffered greatly. She ended up quitting an awesome team and leaving friends behind. My daughter has a love for soccer and what she can accomplish without speaking on that field has been a source of great joy for her until I wasn't there. It's been heart breaking to me that accident prevented me from being there like I am supposed to. Like I want to. I am tearing up typing this. We've come a long way in several months. We needed therapists (at one point twice a week) and new doctors to deal with her new level of anxiety this car accident brought on. The accident brought on panic attacks - totally new to us and her. She's missed a lot of school and many times early on, she couldn't get through the day and would sit in counselor's office. She's come a long way. But car accidents are now top of her anxiety list.  (That week of the accident was full activity, back and forth from school and soccer fields for all kinds of activity for the kids. I just happened to volunteer for my dear friend Melanie at Reaching Maximum Independence group homes that morning so my oldest Alex was doing all the driving. The kids drove right past the accident scene. I had called Alex to tell him to find another way home - there is no other way home - I didn't want the little kids to see it. He lied to make me feel better but as I was talking to him they were driving right by it and saw me, in pain, crying. That moment has been burned into Isa's mind and her anxiety has been through the roof since)

My list can go on and on... but just know it's been a real struggle. I could give you so many examples. I remember them all. I think the worst feeling I've ever experienced is not being there fully for my children. When you can't help your child, the pain in the heart is just so great. It's amazing the love you have for another that is so great. unconditional and can be so painful. 

I am going to do my best to give up my anger for lent. To give up that feeling of what I missed when it was time to get Frank ready for college. To forget that I didn't get to deliver him there and drive off like I did with Alex. My kids have been warriors. They've been so helpful, they've sacrificed since my income took a serious dip, they've made choices to not put me out because they know physically I've been limited. 

My back and neck were getting better, so we scheduled knee surgery. Then Alex went and had his accident so a few delays later, I've finally fixed this knee. I started bearing weight on it yesterday. I start physical therapy in a few days. As I was meeting with PT and scheduling my sessions I was tearing up again (Yes, I've turned into a lady who cries all the damn time now just ask all my doctors! Like a crazy lady!) My back has taken a turn for the worse, but it's just because I can't get to therapy because of the pain. I've turned the corner on the pain so I can start back to therapy on my back.... I feel like better days are truly in sight. And I am so thankful for my wonderful surgeon. I will be at full activity - playing tennis and running again without any mishaps as long as I follow his orders. 

I can sit at the desk longer and longer these days. I'm up to 20 minutes a couple times a day now... So I will do what my father says will cure all ills: Work and Family. There is nothing working more and harder can't fix or spending more time with your family. I hope to be able to do more and more of both these days. I got the #empirebuilding bug from him a long time ago. I didn't lose it because some kid ran a red light. My light was just dimmed for months but it will get brighter.

I implore you this Lenten season to dig deep. Don't just give up sodas, make a REAL change. Lent is always my recharge especially after the cliche of New Year's resolutions. 

I give up Anger. I give Forgiveness. I seek Grace. 

It’s the holidays! For people like me this means so many people are newly engaged.  Some of you may be sporting some beautiful bling on your hand. Tag me on instagram or twitter, I want to see too! @regalaffair is how you find me out there.

So after the excitement begins to die down it’s time for the nitty gritty. Personally, I think you should call me and hire me, but wedding planners aren’t for everyone for several reasons and that is okay too.  This is the first in a series of posts for newly engaged.   I want you to sit and write out your guest list.  Whoa. What? Yes. just do it. It will be one of the most tedious tasks you take on so it makes sense to get it over with.