Forever and Almost Always

2 FUCKIN’ YEARS I GAVE YOU. 

I loved and cared for you. I always defended you. I never left you side. I honestly can’t believe you would hurt me like this. I didn’t do anything to you but you had to make everything my fault. 

I’m so tired and heartbroken.

I don’t have many friends in real life and I would like to have a few online friends. Please message me if your interest. 

So far my life in 2019 has been crap.

I was overworked to the point that I became mentally unable. 3 days into the new year and I was hospitalized due to a panic attack and because I made a comment about hurting myself I was placed in a 5150 hold and taken to a psy hospital. During the stay I did learn that I can live without a phone because it’s unimportant and we make it a thing we need. I also learn that my sister, while she refuses to admit it, hurt from my actions. I learn to be honest and need to speak up. I also learn to not take life for grated. Of course, I’m not 100% out of the woods of my depression just able to see more. Then on day 7 of the new year I was out of the hospital and found out my aunt was dying. 

Two days ago, she passed away. It’s very sad and I felt like it was the universes way of showing me that this could have been me. While my aunt was sick and everyone knew it would happen and lived her life, I’m young and still have a long life ahead of me.

I don’t want to hide anymore. I don’t want to be another fake person on the internet. I want to be honest and speak more about my depression and hope it will help me control it .