jennifer elizabeth

My mans unlocked a higher level of synesthesia

let's all have a fun time looking up new words when we encounter them to see what they mean before incorporating them into our vocabularies

Would a baby elephant seal named Florp not grow up to be an adult elephant seal named Florp? Was Fuck not called Fuck prior to reaching adulthood?? I mean I’m no expert on elephant seal society but,,,,

people aren't even exaggerating indeed is literally like that. walmart attendant $13 an hour, target attendant $13 an hour, AI dick sucker $40 an hour, home depot attendant $13 an hour, guy who designs bullets that can only kill children $160k a year plus benefits, gas station manager $18 an hour

“we live in an uncaring universe” yeah dude and I live in an uncaring house. and I shit in an uncaring toilet. but do you touch an uncaring lover? do you comfort an uncaring child? do you guide to sleep each night a cold and uncaring self?

please hurry up in reblogging this I wanna jorts it before someone puts it in one of those heartwarming tiktok slideshows

i was like 'what could jorts it possibly mean' but as with many things clicking the original post immediately clarified the situation

non-writers will never understand the mental illness of writing an entire conversation in your head while doing dishes and then forgetting every word the second you open a blank doc

They should make hollow, fragile sugar candies exactly the size and shape of a lightbulb to safely satisfy the body’s natural need to eat lightbulbs whole

My cringe fucking baby and her derivative drivel

i just feel strongly that work shouldnt be the Main Activity of five days out of the week

during my dissertation proposal hearing one of my advisors said "I think you might have been too harsh in your criticism of this theory" and I genuinely, innocently asked "what makes you say that?" and he said "well on page 27 you used the phrase 'should be consigned wholesale to the dustbin of history'" and I was like oh. yeah I guess I did that. fair

job interviewer: would you be willing to destroy and betray yourself for nothing?

job interviewer: (reading the room) would you be willing to destroy and betray yourself for a pizza party?

Betrayed and backstabbed by your scheming evil advisor? Psch. Skill issue. Absolute amateur problem. Just hire two of them and reward them for snitching on each other. Just make sure that neither of them is gay or they'll just end up hate-fucking each other and fucking you over all the same.

"hire two evil advisors but make sure neither of them is gay" are you hearing yourself right now. be serious

Polycules should be able to trade people like sports teams do

Listen -- you're a good defender and your pussy is fantastic, but that's not what our team needs right now. We're trading you to Greater Boston in exchange for someone who has a car.

I bought a timer lock box for my weed pen. I will be high in 7 days and 1 minute