The Rum Tum Tugger is awful annoying

experiencing consequences for legitimately bad behavior often feels absolutely terrible. even worse than being punished for something you didn't do, in my experience! if you allow your emotions to dictate whether you think you have been mistreated, you're going to treat the people YOU mistreat like they have harmed you unforgivably.

it's an empathetic injury, that's why it's *so* fast, so severe, and the "reasoning" can change so much even when the same story is told again; it's not pre-planned, there's no mastermind string-pulling or whatever, it's "Ah fuck, why do I feel so bad, it can't be my fault, so I need to explain why it is your fault".

I wish I could tell past me this. It would have shattered a lot of the illusions of control built into my environment if I had been able to see how many of the lies were just made up on the literal spot and that the people telling them were not expecting their actions to have consequences.

the biggest thing I've learned about people who get into abusive and manipulative behavior patterns is that something can be absolutely terrible and indefensible and also, at its core, DEEPLY pathetic.

we don't want to see people who do that kind of harm as pathetic because there's this feeling that that somehow excuses their behavior. it doesn't. a lot of the time its behavior that they saw Work for people with power over them when they were children, and now they think it's the only behavior that Works when interacting with people over whom they have power. because it connects back to early developmental learning re: interpersonal interactions, this also often explains why people approach these situations like they're the victim -- it's a child headspace, it's a path that was originally trodden during childhood, and childhood is a state defined by a lack of autonomy. which I think also acts as a way to insulate people from the need to consider other people's experiences and feelings -- when you're a kid it's absolutely vital to defensively hyperrocus on your own experience because nobody else will do that for you. no one does that for children, generally. and so, many people learn that prioritizing their feelings = dismissing other people's. anyway I'm rambling now and none of this is like. I don't have citations for it, lol, but this is the best way I have found to conceptualize these dynamics in Learning terms. because I truly do think that so many things in life are about Learning, and how we are initially taught that the world works.

if i’m allowed to be picky, i also wish people could be more thoughtful/realistic when deciding on scars. like do some research and think ‘how did this injury happen’. if someone got attacked by wolves, how does that give them a straight cut scar across their face? 

and where are the other effects of these injuries? nerve damage, contractures, amputations, brain damage, PTSD, chronic pain, speech issues, sun sensitivity, blindness, etc? and please do research on these too, its good, its not that difficult.

i want to see characters have scars, and still be able to be normal, and cute/pretty/beautiful/sexy, and loved, and happy. this includes people with extensive burn scars, with skin grafts, with tons of reconstructive surgeries, who are missing eyes or noses or ears or limbs. this includes people with keloid scars, who don’t look normal, who have “gross” symptoms from their injuries. this includes people who have scars from elective or cosmetic surgeries, and surgeries that were botched. this includes people who have scars from self harm or suicide attempts. 

   please give more characters scars, and be normal about it. i am (politely) begging you. 

(sorry if this comes off as aggressive/accusatory, i struggle with tone)