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|| Longing & False Pretenses ||

God, you’re an idiot. {` he mumbles, subconsciously reaching up to adjust his bangs over his eyebrows, a slight scowl knitting his brow when his eyes meet the other’s because what the hell is he staring at } Yah, of course they’re nice. I’m me. What else would they be? {` he doesn’t know why he’s defending himself, since he couldn’t care less about this entire conversation, so he subdues his internal conflict on the matter with another swig from the bottle; when he’s setting the tequila on the table (with care, considering his currently struggling depth perception) he catches movement out of the corner of his eye, a jacket being shed, a contour-hugging wife beater, and maybe, just maybe, he’s feeling the sudden increase in temperature as well } - {` his eyes automatically travel down tones biceps, forearms, a hand tented under black fabric giving a peek at more bare skin; his tongue, still carrying the lingering taste of tequila, darts out to wet his lips and he almost misses the other’s words completely } What? {` he clears his throat, his eyes snapping up to the man’s face, expression (hopefully) giving nothing away } What promise?

{'it was like the room was on fire, his face contorts from complete discomfort, the source being the fabrics that clung to his body to what seemed to be too snugly} Fuck. . . its so hot. {'tugging from beneath the tank, he fans himself with the fabric, finding somewhat of relief as a delighted sigh passes thick lips; head lulling to the side as he closed his eyes as he alleviated himself} What promise? ['he repeats back, sounding as if he too had no recollection of one ever being made; he keeps fanning, smiling to himself} You. . . you you. . call me an idiot, but you already forgot, didn't you? {'gravity begins to turn against him as he tried his best to just look in the man's direction; but having it being he already consumed double than what he knew he should have, it wasn't entirely his fault for collapsing into the blond's lap-- head rested with a glossy gaze turned up, he drunkenly smiles as he reached for the man's face, never really succeeding in touching it} Sooooooo pretty. {'he unawaringly voices subconscious thoughts} So pretty. . . yet, soooooooo dense. Our promise. . . you promised me staying the night. . . {'he shuts his eyes, the same drunken smile spreading even wider as he aimlessly points at the man, incidentally shoving his finger into his cheek} and that I can kiss you all I want. 

|| Longing & False Pretenses ||

|| Longing & False Pretenses ||

|| Longing & False Pretenses ||

|| Longing & False Pretenses ||

|| Longing & False Pretenses ||

{` for the first time in as long as he can remember, he’s rendered completely speechless; maybe it’s because he’s suddenly recalling a ten year old memory he’d spent enough time pushing to the back of his mind. maybe because he’d never expected to have this conversation in his entire life, because hearing it out loud makes it that much more impossible to pretend that none of it actually exists. he hates him for this, can feel anger flaring up inside of him, but still, he says nothing, afraid that if he opens his mouth his voice or his words might escape his control and give him away completely } - {` he tears his eyes from the other male, because something in his chest is tightening, and he can’t focus on subduing it, on hiding it behind veiled eyes when there’s another pair staring so intently into his; maybe he should just tell him, tell him everything, tell him starting from 10 years ago and before and after that and everything in between; then there are hands curled around his and he’s trapped and he’s safe and he almost kind of likes it and he hates this most of all; this time he opts for honesty, and though his expression is still, for the most part, stoic and unreadable, maybe there’s the smallest trace of sadness that makes its way through stony brown irises } I haven’t felt anything in a long time.

{'he didn't know why he was pushing so much; all he wanted to do was make the man crack a smile, seeing how the fluidity of his insults were frighteningly more frequent other than what JD felt was genuine, he just wanted to get back at him in his own way for the insults, his goal bringing out the best rather than the worst} - {'he didn't expect to feel anything from this, but here he was, holding the man's hand so desperately, an overwhelming feeling overcoming him; was this what concern felt like?} You know what.. . {'he starts slowly, dropping the man's hand, his hold though never letting go, he keeps his gaze down as he had no idea what it was he wanted to happen after this moment - or more so, he wouldn't admit it} Forget the five days. {'a soft, endearing, smile breaks} You can be mine for today, and afterward, I'll keep being your idiot. {'he offers, a soothing thumb gently brushing over slight knuckles; his words on cue as he gently tugs him back in, a hand finding his hip as he pulls him so} So tell me. . . all the things you want to do, or never got to do. I'll do them all with you for one day.

{` he automatically steps back when the hold is released, wrapping his arms around his own midsection as if defending himself against any more of the other male’s surprise attempts at invading his personal space; he’s feeling things other than complete control of the situation, and he doesn’t like that. he can’t figure out this guy for the life of him, and he doesn’t like that either. he doesn’t like anything about this situation and yet he’s still here listening to some sort of confession and that’s probably the strangest part of it all } - {` his gaze never leaves the brunet, though he shifts uncomfortably under the weight of solemness his words seem to carry; he doesn’t like the implication, that he’s putting on an act; he doesn’t like someone else talking about it, about any of it; it’s a subject far too personal to be shared with anyone ever, especially with this strange man he still barely knows, whether he claims to ‘get it’ or not } Whatever ‘act’ you’re putting on to cover up your fucked up past, I’m pretty sure I don’t get it. {` his words are icy, likely verging on cruel, but he’d much rather show him this side than the one of his rapidly weakening facade; he doesn’t even notice that he never tugs his hand away from the other’s } I don’t care if I’m ‘yours’ for a few days. Don’t lump me together with you. We’re not the same. 

{'he keeps his gaze off the blond, something in him automatically shutting out anything that he knew were insults, but something about the way it being delivered reminding him of why he were the way he were; for a second he regrets, but only for a second} - {'a soft smile soon spreads, gaze still averted} Yeah maybe. {'is all he says, another chuckle of disbelief slipping; he finally turns his gaze back to the blond, expression bleak, he just stares for a few silent moments, collecting all he had to say, wondering if they even made sense to him before relaying} I guess you're right. Right about everything. Maybe you don't get it, and maybe I don't get it either. But just tell me one thing. {'he takes a step closer, not as intimate as before; his bleak expression melting only slightly as brows subtly knit together} What happened 10 years ago, hm? {'he finally asks, pointing to his own cheek where the blond's subtle scar laid} Is that when it started? Or am I just stupid and imagining things? Are you going to give me another excuse? Another lie? Doesn't it get tiring? Aren't you tired of it? {'melting from almost emotionless to what seemed like sorrow, he tries, yet fails, to put on one of his 'classic JD' grins, a pained grin spreading instead; despite his want to obviously keep him out, a hand searches for the man's once again, taking it in both of his, he cradles it to his chest} Just let me make you feel good. As pathetic JD. . . I just want to make you feel something. 

{` the rest of the lies are ready on the tip of his tongue, but they vanish the moment lips are pressed to his hand in a gesture so simple yet more tender than he’s seen in years, even among the most adoring of customers, and that throws him off completely;  he’s not sure what to do, growing even more confused when his hand is pressed to a cheek } - {` he doesn’t bother trying to protest this time; he knows it’s useless, even as he allows his arm to be guided around the man’s torso, what little space was left between them decreasing even further; he’s fluid to the physical manipulations until he leans in for another kiss, a deliberate one on a spot key is all too familiar with } - {` he visibly tenses at that, no longer having to feign discomfort, and he turns his head away from the gentle gesture until there’s space between their faces again } More like ten. {` his voice is monotonous, his stoic expression on the verge of cracking with visible signs of emotion; but it quickly turns into a subtly accusatory tone, his eyes narrowing as he scrutinizes the man’s face for any sign of this being some kind of sick joke } Why are you doing this? Why don’t you just fuck me and get it over with, instead of bothering with all this bullshit? What do you want?

{'a jolt surges through the shorter man's being at the question; he hadn't even noticed how far he had taken his initial curiosity, somehow finding himself like this, deep down he knew why it felt so. . . easy falling into it} Why? {'he repeats, his hold dropping almost instantly at that, a turning in his stomach from a bundle of nerves, as if he were the one being assaulted with the prying and tender touches; he sounded just like him} What do I want? {'he parrots, a chuckle of somewhat disbelief passing thick lips} I want to make you feel good, is that a crime? And why am I doing it? {'he exhales another chuckle} I don't know. . . maybe because I don't buy you're act. Maybe because for now, you're mine. . . or maybe. . . {'he trails off in thought, a lump growing in his throat, leaving it uncomfortably dry as he contemplates on taking it there; swallowing hard, he keeps his gaze drifted, aimed at anywhere else other than the blond, he takes his hand once more} Maybe. . . maybe this mine thing is just messing me all up. . . or maybe I just wanted to drop my act for someone who seems to get it.

{` his lips fall open slightly when the laugh passes darkly over his skin, as if poised to utter a biting retort that never actually comes out; he subconsciously tilts his head, staring with determined indifference at the ground, set on shutting off his senses to the onslaught of kisses grazing his flesh } That’s not how it works, actually. {` he’s got plenty more biting logic where that comes from, but it slips back into the recesses of his mind when he makes eye contact with the suddenly serious expression on the other’s face, distracting and uncharacteristic, something he’s not prepared for at all; there’s a split second where he hesitates, falters, some small piece of him considering succumbing to whispered words and sweet caresses, because it’s been so long since anyone’s really considered him and his feelings and maybe, just maybe, the man actually cares; but in the same instant he decides against it, and his expression hardens into nothing but a small smirk (hiding the fact that he’s squirming under such an intense gaze) as he tugs his arm back by his side and safe away from the previously restraining grasp } Wednesday. {` It’s a lie, and not one of his smoothest ones, but it’s enough to distract himself from the fact that he can’t remember, that even the thought strikes him with some form of bitterness he refuses to acknowledge. } Next question.

{'he didn't know why he kept on persisting; it wasn't supposed to go this far, but there was just something about his seemingly never melting front that reminded him so much of himself} - {'his curiosity that once provoked his actions turn to concern, his gaze never faltering once as he held it like a statue, his caressing hand falling at his words} Oh? {'he asks, almost challenging, a brow raising} Why do I feel like you're lying to me? {'a question he doesn't give him much time to answer as he continues on with his protest} And who made you feel good? And how, hm? {'actions moving fluidly with his inquisitions, he takes the blond's hand in his, the other still planted o his back, as he brought delicate fingers to his lips, pressing chaste kisses on slight knuckles} Was it like this? {'he asks between the first, and now second kiss; he turns the man's hand, he loses himself for a moment, closing his eyes, leaning into his open palm, nestling a cheek in it before giving it another small kiss before turning his gaze back at the other} Or was it like. . .{'tugging a bit from his backside, he guides the hand, eventually tugging on his arm, snaking it around his hip as he eliminated another centimeter of space} this. . . {'releasing the hand, he finds his cheek once more, thumb caressing gently over the subtle scar that laid there, he leans in, placing a sweet kiss over it} Key. . . {'he whispers his name once more right where he were, he plants another small kiss} When did you even get this here? A year ago? Five years ago? 

Yeah, actually, I d- {` but he doesn’t get a chance to finish the sentence before he’s tugged closer, fingers chilled against his bare skin and dark hair brushing his jaw; he feels hushed words ghosting his skin and fingers tracing his spine and the small shiver that wracks him comes too quick for him to suppress it; he tells himself it’s anger he feels when his name escapes those despised lips and brushes his skin, thought it’s probably something else entirely; he unwittingly clenches his jaw, his fingernails curling dangerously into the fabric of the man’s shirt, his throat bobbing with the sudden effort it takes to swallow } I didn’t answer your question because it’s none of your damn business {` he utters in return, grateful his words don’t come out as shakily as he thought they might }

{'lips hovering over delicate skin, another soft laugh slips} Don't forget. . . {'he softly starts, fingers returning to where his hand once originated from the sudden touch, an open palm finding his hip, giving it a gentle squeeze as he took no time in doing as he pleased; full lips pressingly sweetly against milky white flesh, a small trail of kisses falling in place as he worked his way to the lining of his jaw, stopping the little teasing gestures} You're mine. Whatever concerns you, concerns me. {'pulling back to finally get a look at his reaction, he releases his arm; a caressing hand finds a perfectly chiseled cheek, dragging a thumb along adoringly, despite the poisonous insults the other had dealt to the man since their first meeting, he holds him sweetly, brows slightly knit together as stared directly into the man's eyes} So tell me now.  .  . When was the last time someone made you feel good?