a stupid nickname

trigger warning for mentions of guns, violence, language, and drugs. feel free to change pronouns / sentences as needed !

❛ bless you, ______. you are my rock. ❜

❛ that’s not what i’m calling about you bedazzled fuck ! ❜

❛ well, if they’re local i can find them, but what’s in it for me ? ❜

❛ i said fuck and you ! ❜

❛ ooh, what kind of photos ? ❜

❛ you fuck me, so help me god. ❜

❛ you do have a way with words. ❜

❛ no kid should have me as a dad, it’s not fair. ❜

❛ one more word outta you, and you’re gonna be just another dead dirty cop, do you understand me ? ❜

❛ baby girl, you have officially gotten on my last nerve. ❜

❛ fuck you very much. ❜

❛ oh, it’s a classic power play, my dear. ❜

❛ just promise you won’t kill him until i get there. ❜

❛ okay, i tell you what, I promise i won’t kill the cop. ❜

❛ i hear those words come out of your mouth one more time, i’m gonna bash your fucking skull in. ❜

❛ we go way back, my credit with you is good. ❜

❛ oh my sweet girl, how do i make you understand this... ❜

❛ you know in the movies when some asshole starts talking about the first time they kill someone and how it felt so wrong and you never forget your first kill and all that sort of bullshit ? it's not the case with me. ❜

❛ the only thing i remember from my first time is i got paid 500 dollars to do it and i got pissed off 'cause the motherfucker bled all over my levi's jacket and i had to throw it out. ❜

❛ i’m getting so sick of this shit. ❜

❛ i am not a dirty cop. ❜

❛ I woke up and you were gone. ❜

❛ stop being a little bitch, and just do it ! ❜

❛ not the face, you asshole. ❜

❛ oh, isn’t that the story of my fucking life. ❜

❛ you’re handcuffed, and bleeding. ❜

❛ choose wisely. ❜

❛ you’re smarter than you look. ❜

trigger warning for mentions of guns, violence, language, and drugs. feel free to change pronouns / sentences as needed !

❛ but if you fail... ❜

❛ not only am i gonna shove a stick of dynamite up your ass. ❜

❛ we’ll break both of her legs, and tell her it’s because you put her life up as collateral. ❜

❛ are we clear ? ❜

❛ we’re clear. ❜

❛ let me talk to you for a minute. ❜

❛ a good shooting is a good shooting. ❜

❛ so, what happens now ? ❜

❛ but seriously, don’t shoot nobody else. ❜

❛ do not make me come down to St. Louis. ❜

❛ i hate the midwest. ❜

❛ i gotta do a couple things you do not wanna hear about. ❜

❛ so, can you cover for me, baby ? ❜

❛ fucking bankers are worse than i am ! ❜

❛ hey baby, what’re you doing in here ? ❜

❛ i just don’t wanna sin, baby. ❜

❛ wow, yeah green’s a very creative color. ❜

❛ just give me two shakes of a cocktail. ❜

❛ agent scully and i gotta interview bigfoot later. ❜

❛ if we stick to the plan, everyone can profit. ❜

❛ she said you’re the rabbit, and this is your hole. ❜

❛ nobody, nobody normal wants to see a pregnant stripper. ❜

❛ see, that’s called a sabbatical. ❜

❛ do not waste my time, unless you’re calling to tell me you have the money. ❜

❛ you see, when you leave a job for a year or two and you come back, that is called a sabbatical. when you leave a job and go to florida to play golf until you are dead, that is called retirement. there is a difference. ❜

❛ okay, class is over, get back to work. ❜

❛ this plan is gonna work, i swear to god. ❜

❛ i don’t care if he doesn’t have the money, pull his gold teeth out of his fucking skull ! ❜

❛ get the fuck out of my office, now. ❜

trigger warning for mentions of guns, violence, language, and drugs. feel free to change pronouns / sentences as needed !

❛ i’m a police officer. ❜

❛ i was sworn to uphold the law. ❜

❛ well, technically you’re also sworn not to shoot innocent people in the face. ❜

❛ so, where to ? ❜

❛ home... separate homes. ❜

❛ listen, if all goes well, maybe, just maybe, we can go have one drink. ❜

❛ a drop of something cheerful. ❜

❛ gimmie a kiss, gimmie a kiss. ❜

❛ you’re out of practice, baby. ❜

❛ he was waiting for us. ❜

❛ aw, c’mon, i didn’t get this far by being stupid. ❜

❛ she worked at a bar called the rabbit hole. ❜

❛ see, it’s pretty coincidental that a known felon and his felon girlfriend showed up to a bank robbery, and left unscathed. ❜

❛ you wanted to bring me somewhere intimidating that lets me know your full force has a police lieutenant, but isn’t full of cups with big ears, and even bigger mouths. ❜

❛ that’s why you had ______ bring me down here. ❜

❛ ______ knows how to keep his mouth shut. ❜

❛ you asked daddy for a band aid ? ❜

❛ you’re too stupid to even realize how much trouble you’re in, aren’t you ? ❜

❛ did we, or did we not have an appointment today at noon ? ❜

❛ and have i or have i not made my position on tardiness perfectly clear ? ❜

❛ i know you’re probably tired of hearing this... ❜

❛ but i swear, i had the money in my hands. ❜

❛ you may speak. ❜

❛ rob a liquor store, pawn your shit, but get me my money. ❜

❛ and why don’t you tell everyone else that owes me money, that now would be a very, very appropriate time for them to make themselves right with me. ❜

❛ that’s a lovely home, it’s your shithole, right ? ❜

❛ this plan is gonna work, i swear to god. ❜

❛ if i fuck up, you can still kill me tomorrow. ❜

❛ well unfortunately events have conspired against me, now i find myself without many options. ❜

trigger warning for mentions of guns, violence, language, and drugs. feel free to change pronouns / sentences as needed !

❛ get, go on. ❜

❛ this is bad timing. ❜

❛ you are absolutely the last person i want to see right now. ❜

❛ i just, i need five minutes, that’s it. ❜

❛ i have a job lined up right now, that can solve all my problems. ❜

❛ you’re my problem, ______ ! ❜

❛ yeah, she’s clever, she’s also fucking insane. ❜

❛ she’s gonna cut my dick off if i fuck this up for her. ❜

❛ look at this smug bastard, he’s just begging us to take his money. ❜

❛i mean, i’m desperate but this is... ❜

❛ the plan requires a briefcase with a false bottom, one antique clock, and perfect timing. ❜

❛ just like old times. ❜

❛ baby, you’re out of your fucking mind. ❜

❛ they’re all dead ? ❜

❛ i thought these fucksticks were supposed to be professionals ! ❜

❛dirty business, robbing banks. ❜

❛ sometimes it pays, sometimes it doesn’t. ❜

❛ i’m not giving that asshole my future ! ❜

❛ so, hows that supposed to work ? ❜

❛ did you happen to take a look at the type of gun the cop was carrying ? ❜

❛ glock 40 caliber, to be exact. ❜

❛ remington 45 acp 1911 style, very high end. ❜

❛ very different bullets, very different holes. ❜

❛ so, what else did god tell you ? ❜

❛ oh sweet lord almighty, what happened to you ? ❜

❛ i committed the worst sin there is. ❜

❛ you would be imprisoned for the rest of your life. ❜

trigger warning for mentions of guns, violence, language, and drugs. feel free to change pronouns / sentences as needed !

❛ dont tell me, i’m trying to guess what frat you guys are in. ❜

❛ ______’s the one who made the deal with us. ❜

❛ look man, you wanna do business, or you wanna stand around and look tough. ❜

❛ got the cash ? ❜

❛ perfect timing, as always. ❜

❛ don’t talk about my wife, asshole. ❜

❛ fuck, what the fuck man !? ❜

❛ what the fuck is wrong with you, huh ? ❜

❛ you just think you’re so damn cute, don’t you ? ❜

❛ hey, you ever get that raccoon out of your house ? ❜

❛ i need you to understand, this is a simple business. ❜

❛ but you can make yourself a damn fine living. ❜

❛ it’s a con, pure and simple. ❜

❛ these hard dick mouth breathers will buy you cocktails and cocaine. ❜

❛ you never actually fuck them. ❜

❛ do you have daddy issues ? of course you do, who doesn’t ? ❜

❛ that doesn’t mean you can’t make some cash. ❜

❛ lord knows your daddy isn’t doing it from prison, is he ? ❜

❛ you can come back when you’re ready, honey. i’ll still be here. ❜

❛ oh, that bitch better have my money. ❜

❛ that little prick smacked me in the head, and took it. ❜

❛ at least when you worked with ______, you had one functioning intellect between you. ❜

❛ you think i give a fuck about your couples counseling ? ❜

❛ one day more, and you will pay me every cent you owe me, do you understand ? ❜

❛ i will never understand the allure of a titty bar buffet. ❜

❛ jesus christ, get that thing out of my car. ❜

❛ once i get ahold of a man’s junk, i can make him do anything, it’s like my superpower. ❜

❛ you said you were gonna give me a light spanking. ❜

❛ are you kidding, this is my favorite part. ❜

❛ oh, careful... that’s a 38. ❜

❛ i thought we were having a proper lunch, i’m famished. ❜

❛ boy, you look like a goddamn Mardi Gras float. ❜

❛ well, i dressed down for you today. ❜

❛ get him a gun. ❜

❛ you keep both eyes open when you fire a shotgun. ❜

❛ the trick is, not to overthink it, much like most things in life. ❜

❛ you have friends ? or you have dirt on friends ? ❜

feel free to change pronouns / sentences as needed !

❛ you got little alien house guests, let’s see them. ❜

❛ shit ______ , those are aliens ! ❜❜

❛ what’ll it be, hmmm ? ❜

❛ i thought you never wanted to see ______ again. ❜

❛ i see split ends are universal. ❜

❛ lost in space with no conditioner. ❜

❛ no thanks, it’s got spit on it. ❜

❛ i’ll go find some clothes ! ❜

❛ but if i find one flea, the deal is off ! ❜

❛ i know, bitchin’ huh ? ❜

❛ i don’t know what he wants… it’s not me… ❜

❛ what does ______ want ? ❜

❛ i don’t know… i just want to be happy. ❜

❛ i could make you feel very, very good. ❜

❛ are you like, coming onto me ? ❜

❛ is this a pass, because if it is, sex is totally out of the question. ❜

❛ what is sex ? ❜

❛ sex ? y’know… making love ? ❜

❛ two people like eachother, and they take their clothes off. ❜

❛ we can’t, because you’re an alien, and i’m from the valley. ❜

❛ that could be a problem. ❜

❛ no problem. ❜

❛ the phone bills would just be hell. ❜

❛ i just don’t want you to think earth girls are easy… ❜

❛ it sounds like you have two hearts. ❜

❛ is driving the ufo a good job ? ❜

❛ breakfast is on the way, i’m making pancakes. ❜

❛ a relationship is like a porcelain nail... you can break it, you can glue it back together, but it won't be as strong as before unless the person's committed.❜

❛ breakfast is on the way, i’m making pancakes. ❜ 

❛ you’re not setting foot in my house again. ❜ 

❛ i have an idea, but it means doing something terrible to an innocent person... let's do it. ❜ 

❛ you came this close to being a science project. ❜ 

❛ i don’t know the words... ❜ 

❛ i’m going to miss you so much. ❜ 

❛ i am mister right ! ❜ 

feel free to change pronouns / sentences as needed !

❛ that door is a real bitch. ❜

❛ and nothing, i’m getting married next month. ❜ 

❛ what if he doesn’t like it !? ❜

❛ at this point, what have you got to lose ? ❜

❛ this is where we live. ❜

❛ i’m not usually dressed like this. ❜

❛ here comes doctor love ! ❜

❛ you brought a girl home to have sex ? ❜

❛ you weren’t supposed to be here. ❜

❛ you were gonna have sex without me ?! ❜

❛ i think I love you… ❜

❛ calm down, i’ll see where it came from. ❜

❛ a small planet, only one moon. ❜

❛ there’s a giant blow dryer in my pool. ❜

❛ this is a matter of life and death. ❜

❛ and uh, i didn’t expect to be having aliens for lunch… ❜

❛ instant pudding, add water… eh, too much work. ❜

❛ ooh ! spray on cheese, this is great ! ❜

❛ you have eggs on your planet ? ❜

❛ i need to talk to you. ❜

❛ you sure learn fast… ❜

❛ finland ? no, this is the valley. ❜

❛ i’m sorry i was such an asshole. ❜

❛ i see you found the cable station. ❜

❛ one look at you and he’s gonna know you’re not local. ❜

feel free to change pronouns / sentences as needed !

❛ it is turned on, i was ignoring you. ❜

❛ whats the... what’s the big emergency ? ❜

❛ what the hell are you doing ? ❜

❛ there's a reason we have bins labelled recycle ! ❜

❛ so sue me ! ❜

❛ oh, please ! you think i'd be this panicked if it was something simple ? ❜

❛ alright, what have we got here ? ❜

❛ tell them to run with it if they really want to embarrass themselves. ❜

❛ would i keep you out of the loop, uh ? ❜

❛ yes. absolutely. ❜

❛ what ? i can’t hear you. ❜

❛ there’s good news, there’s bad news. ❜

❛ the bad news is, there'll be a meal penalty for disturbing my lunch. ❜

❛ the good news is, you’re not gonna charge me ? ❜

❛ uh, no. ❜

❛ the good news is, i found the problem. ❜

❛ that’s why i love you ! ❜

❛ alight, oh... that isn’t necessary. ❜ 

❛ excuse me, sir. ❜

❛ you might wanna watch this. ❜

❛ are you watching this ? ❜

❛ don’t run. ❜

❛ oh, i’d better call my mother... ❜

❛ do you recall ? do you recollect ? ❜

❛ let’s get out of here, come on. ❜

❛ go back to sleep. ❜

 feel free to change pronouns / sentences as needed !

❛ if this isn't an insanely beautiful woman, i'm hanging up ❜

❛ come on, baby, come on. ❜

❛ this better not be another damn russian spy job! ❜

❛ it’s the real thing. ❜

❛ let’s not jump the gun here. ❜  

❛ what’s with the golf balls ? ❜

❛ you’re gonna kill me here. ❜

❛ this can’t be right ! ❜ 

❛ no definitely not. ❜

❛ what time is it there ? ❜ 

❛ i have a confession to make... ❜ 

❛ i'm sleeping next to a beautiful, young brunette. ❜  

❛ hi, i miss you. ❜ 

❛ that’s clever. ❜

❛ yeah, well i’m not laughing. ❜

❛ the message has gotten lost. ❜

❛ it’s too much compromise ❜  

❛ isn't it amazing how quickly everyone can turn against you? ❜

❛ it's a fine line between standing behind a principle and hiding behind one. ❜

❛ if you don't move soon, I'm gonna start to decompose  ❜

❛ listen _____ i’ve been meaning to talk to you... ❜

❛ do not start, _____. ❜

❛ you’re divorced, come on, move on. ❜

❛ this is not healthy. ❜

❛ checkmate. ❜

spoiler warning for Hotel Artemis. trigger warning for mentions of self harm, guns, death, violence and drugs. feel free to change pronouns / sentences as needed !

❛ things are going to hell in a hand basket full of blood and shit! ❜

❛ you truly believe you lost him because of me. ❜

❛ the accuracy on these is for shit ! ❜

❛ who sells this crap ? ❜

❛ i'm sick of you acting superior ! ❜

❛ you are not superior to me ! ❜

❛ that’s what i fucking paid for ! ❜

❛ we had some kind of fucking chemistry. ❜

❛ but now i gotta fucking shoot you! ❜

❛ so, who's superior now, bitch? ❜

❛ how many times i gotta say it ? ❜

❛ you ain’t stoppin’ shit. ❜

❛ she’s trying to say she’s sorry, her way. ❜

❛ you can’t save everyone. ❜

❛ a slow code, that’s when the patient’s already dead. ❜

❛ you're a slow code. see, your homies here, they don't know it yet, but you're dead. ❜

❛ well you see, people broke the rules. ❜

❛ he made me bring him here, and you let him fucking die ! ❜

❛ now daddy’s dead, okay. ❜

❛ your mob's gonna need a new boss. somebody special. somebody who's got what all your daddy's other kids don't. ❜

❛ i think i’m just gonna take a walk. ❜

spoiler warning for Hotel Artemis. trigger warning for mentions of self harm, guns, death, violence and drugs. feel free to change pronouns / sentences as needed !

❛ ______ is in the building, they’re your first priority now ! ❜

❛ no. he needs to be protected ! ❜

❛ rules, rules, rules. ❜

❛ you say rules, ______ , without the rule-breakers, honey, where would you be? ❜

❛ you look like death. ❜

❛ guess my ballroom days are over, baby. ❜

❛ wow, look at you... ❜

❛ welcome back, niagara. ❜

❛ draw more attention to yourself why don’t you ! ❜

❛ lay another hand on me, i’ll rip your fucking head off. ❜

❛ who’s gonna fix your daddy then, huh moron ? ❜

❛ because without me, you’re gonna be answering to captain try hard. ❜

❛ and uh, sons don’t always do as they’re told. ❜

❛ fine but they’re not coming in here. ❜

❛ you fucking own this place ____ ! ❜

❛ yeah but she runs it, that’s the deal. ❜

❛ i know that i'm the youngest and maybe i never... really earned your respect. ❜

❛ you said go confidently in the direction of your dreams. ❜

❛ but my only dream has ever been to be more like you. ❜

❛ it's bullshit like that that made you grow up so fucking soft. ❜

❛ however, if I don't make it out of here, this is for you. ❜

❛ tickety-tock. ❜

❛ come on, take this, apply pressure. ❜

❛ if the time comes, i hope you know what the fuck to do with it. ❜

❛ blue like a cop maybe ? ❜

❛ just never had a cop in here before. ❜

❛ wasn’t talking to you anyway. ❜

❛ you know, i get blood-tested as part of my job. ❜

❛ the rules keep the outside world, fucking outside. ❜

❛ can you keep our secret ? ❜

❛ hey, hey. save me the speech. ❜

❛ i wouldn’t do that. not to her. ❜

❛ this place still sucking your blood, huh ? ❜

❛ only thing that keeps it ticking. ❜

❛ honestly, you got a sea of galoofs out there. ❜

❛ how'd you let something like this happen ? ❜

❛ you know, a pretty girl... a purse full of semtex and an old man's vanity. ❜

❛ except the last time somebody flirted with me, it was 1986. ❜

❛ how is that son of a bitch, ex-husband ? ❜

❛ you want me to take him out ? ❜

❛ nah, he lives in florida, life took him out already. ❜

❛ den mother to a bunch of runaways and junkies. ❜

❛ look at you now, legendary. ❜

❛ ten milligrams of benzytrix and everyone's a storyteller. ❜

❛ you know, asking you to set this place up, that was, uh, that was one of my finer ideas. best investment i ever made. ❜

❛ but do you regret that deal with the devil ? ❜

❛ you’re not the devil ______ . ❜

❛ you're just another ex-hippie con-man, swapped his beads for bullets. ❜

❛ oh, that’s harsh. ❜

❛ yeah, it’s a trip ______ . ❜

❛ i don’t regret the deaths, just the lies. ❜

❛ _____ .... great name. ❜

❛ then you know... it’s always your fault. ❜

❛ it’s probably a safety hazard, actually. ❜

❛ i watched a fly... if it only settled down onto a chair and felt the draft of the wind, it might've had a chance, gotten itself outside. ❜

❛ what the fuck am i saying ? ❜

❛ ten milligrams of benzytrix, everyone's a storyteller. thirty milligrams... and you get the truth. ❜

❛ had a whole bunch of plans, ______ . my whole life, and really, they were all about you. but you just kept fucking them up. ❜

❛ no, man, I don't have a plan. but, uh, i got the next best thing. i got a gun. ❜

❛ i didn’t really know him... ❜

❛ he stole my car... ❜

❛ you know the rules. you take something from me, i gotta... give you back to the ocean. ❜

❛ i own the police. ❜

❛ it all came full circle, ‘cause that’s how i found you. ❜

❛ i gave you a way to help people again. ❜

❛ the universe brought us together. ❜

❛ you made a deal with the devil, what did you expect ? ❜

❛ i could pay you. i could make that detroit money look like a bad tip... ❜

❛ they bought your death. don't give them your dignity for free. ❜

❛ so this is how it happens ? wow. ❜

❛ all right, baby. send me down the river. ❜

spoiler warning for Hotel Artemis. trigger warning for mentions of self harm, guns, death, violence and drugs. feel free to change pronouns / sentences as needed !

❛ your room’s a shithole. ❜

❛ yeah. no maid service since 1976. ❜

❛ hey, you want a treat ? ❜

❛ seems kinda needy. ❜

❛ we’ll just have to bill his daddy. ❜

❛ such a dumb nickname. ❜

❛ please help me, ______ ! ❜

❛ okay this is a real problem. ❜

❛ so what the fuck’s your problem ? ❜

❛ yeah, ha ha ha, shut the fuck up ! ❜

❛ you can do better than him anyways. ❜

❛ don’t make me fucking repeat myself ! ❜

❛ i don’t know if you’re there, but please, it’s me _____ ! ❜

❛ no one trusts us, ever again. ❜

❛ i know babe. ❜

❛ shit i thought you said you fixed it ! ❜

❛ hey, how’s your shift ? ❜

❛ busy night at the artemis. ❜

❛ asthma, i gotta keep moving. ❜

❛ who is this, what’s his name !? ❜

❛ I’m not on anyone’s side, alright ! ❜

❛ respect your elders ! ❜

❛ oh damn it, ____ ! ❜

❛ these rioters are really stepping up their game huh ? ❜

❛ you wanna get into heaven, or make ____ happy ? ❜

❛ hotel full of criminals, you gotta move quick. ❜

❛ really stacking up those memberships huh ? ❜

❛ it’s been a busy year. ❜

❛ you know i only work domestic. ❜

❛ oh, you noticed. that’s sweet. ❜

❛ that’s fucking gross. ❜

❛ that’s what happens when you only kill important people. ❜

❛ you need to leave here right fucking now. ❜

you know you’re risking everything, for a cop ! ❜

❛ it was different, i was just a kid ! ❜

❛ i don’t care where ! uh, cancun. uh, guadalajara, even fucking acapulco ! ❜

❛ you’re professional, i’m the business. ❜

❛ ______ ‘s probably gonna want those back.❜

❛ you know what he does to thieves. ❜

❛ you need to walk straight out that door, right now. ❜

❛ it’s too dangerous for you in here. ❜

❛ you work with what you got, not what you hoped for. ❜

❛ jesus, they stomped on her like they were making merlot. ❜

❛ maybe she heard something, maybe she put two and two together. ❜

❛ you okay ? do you need to rest ? ❜

❛ yeah, i’m fine, what i need to do is work. ❜

❛ that excuse probably won't fly with the man who runs Los Angeles. ❜

❛ you know what he does to people who steal from him ? ❜/

❛ he has them drown ! ❜

❛ calm the fuck down, okay ? ❜

❛ hey, long time no see, huh ? ❜

❛ i thought this place was a myth. ❜

❛ so you’ve been here the whole time ? ❜

❛ i didn’t fix a cop. i don’t do that. ❜

❛ we’re done here, i gotta run. ❜

❛ look, i don’t want any trouble, okay ! ❜

❛ hey, maybe we got off on the wrong foot. ❜

❛ protecting people is the opposite of what i do. ❜

❛ i don’t know, one thing leads to another, maybe something romantic happens. ❜

❛ you know, don’t rule it out ! ❜