e m p o r e r

I bet they are great novels. I like historical fiction.

I’ve got some of that, if it’s what you’re after. Pride & Prejudice happens to be one of my most read in my collection.

I’m not good with dates, okay?

You don’t say.

Ouch. I’d say I can be your new mum but I’m realising my happy birthday is gonna be even more late.

You suck, man.

And  what novels are those?

Oh, I have many genres. Though crime and thriller novels probably make up most of it.

I’m kind of late as always but I hope everyone had a stellar Christmas/whatever you celebrate. Mine was pretty wild start to finish kicking off with an 18 hour drive home the day before Christmas Eve, included an annoyingly wine drunk aunt, and ended in Louisiana yesterday so that was neat. But I’m glad to be back even though it feels stupidly like summer. Happy freaking New Years Eve y'all and don’t get too turnt. Call Uncle Tyler if you need a ride home.

That was a ride from start to finish.

So  I am glad to be reading some nice stuff. I’m going to go to the library. Does anyone want to come?

I’m pretty sure my collection of novels trumps the library.

That’s good! I don’t tend to look through someone else’s belongings unless they’re here but it looks pretty awesome! It was great, thank you!

Well I mean, they’re just bottle caps, so feel free to go through them as you please. I’d just leave the other boxes under my bed alone if you know what’s good for you. Don’t need you having an aneurysm or something.

Is that you admitting you’re too shitty to play without cheating?

Absolutely not, I would thrash your ass either way.

Well…ya know.

You might need to show me.

Well, obviously I can’t make it easy for you. 

Stick a sock in it, you’re making it too difficult.

Oh? Really?  I mean…I can do better massages.

Mhm, like?

A man of mystery! How intriguing. You’re a modern-day Gatsby. 

Excuse me? I’m hotter than Gatsby. I’m Liam.

Fine, fine.

You could probably make it right with a thigh massage, just saying.

Cut it out, i’m being mad at you.

Really? Even with all the love triangles and drug abuse and surprise pregnancies?  

You know my name not my story.

I can give a bomb manicure, and probably the facial. Not the massage though. I feel like I’ll burn myself.

It’s too late.