Jasper Keane

Michael, of course, thought he’d been very clear, and was confused that Jasper still didn’t get what he was trying to say. He sighed, and pressed two fingers to his temple, using his free arm. Thinking it over maybe he had been a bit vague. “I- well I know we’ll be okay, I think. It’s just hard to say, so I’m being a bit vague. I’ve just been so focused on hiding this that I guess I think any subtle hint will make people realize it.” He took a deep breath again, and looked up at Jasper. “What I’m trying to say, beyond just the weird metaphors is-” he stopped, the words getting stuck in his throat. He looked down again, his eyes fixing on his knees. “What I’m trying to say is that I’m gay.” He spoke fast and in a low voice, not too low to hear, but low enough.

Jasper stayed silent as Michael spoke, and he was glad he did. He almost didn’t hear what Michael had admitted, too rushed, too quiet, to decipher easily. Once he really registered that Michael had come out to him, Jasper was floored. Not just because Michael was gay, but because it was almost, mundane. Jasper had been expecting something life shattered to hear, and knowing that his friend was just scared to come out was astonishing. Then again, he didn’t know much of his friend’s past, Michael might not have had the same welcoming environment, but with how his mother had welcomed Jasper himself, he highly doubted that as the case. And now he’s been silent too long, caught up in his own internal fuckery as he usually was, but what could he say? He tried to remember what it was like when he came out to his own mother, but it was so long ago, buried deep down with every other memory of her except the last moments she ever had, he couldn’t quite recall what turmoil this could be. “Thank you,” he started, squeezing Michael’s arm once again, “for trusting me with this. I’d like to think I’m very obvious about being gay myself, so you aren’t alone in this.” Jasper smiled at Mike once again, suddenly very aware of the fact that he wanted to kiss him. A lot. It was a feeling that he had for a very long time but never allowed himself to acknowledge as he never even entertained the idea that Michael was anything other than straight. He couldn’t get his hopes up though. Jasper and Michael were friends, and Jasper couldn’t, wouldn’t, risk that for anything.

Michael exhaled, looking at Jasper. He could do this. The light pressure of Jasper’s hand on his arm was calming, grounding. After a moment he started speaking again. “Okay, so I’m not trying to be over dramatic, rationally I’m not afraid of dying multiple deaths. Just keep the thing about the poem in mind. See, there’s this thing I’ve been keeping to myself, and I didn’t think I’d need to tell anyone. And I do all these things to avoid having people find out, and now whenever I read my favorite poem it feels like I’m personally offending Oscar Wilde. I don’t even have a physical copy of the poem, I read it in an incognito window on my laptop when I’m home alone.” He sighed, “and I know he’s dead and that even if there is an afterlife Oscar Wilde wouldn’t care what some dude in Hawthorne was up to, but this magnificent legend of a man wrote this poem about his stay in prison for unapologetically being himself. It changed him for life Jasper and even after that he said that he who lives more lives than one, more deaths than one must die, and I’m here completely ignoring that warning. I’m not risking prosecution or anything like that, I’m just scared.” 

Jasper wasn’t too sure what to think anymore, not with what Michael was saying. It no longer sounded like he needed help hiding some corpses, which was good, he wouldn’t have been able to take Paisley with them while they went. He nodded along and squeezed Michael's arm lightly as he spoke, a gentle reminder that he was still there and wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. He didn’t quite understand about Michael feeling like he needed to hide this poem away from any potential onlookers, going as far as to read it in an incognito tab on his laptop, alone. "Mike," he whispered again, not moving his hand off of his arm. "Whatever it is that you're trying to tell me, I can promise you, we'll be okay." He gave Michael a small, reassuring smile. "And that's true whether you believe me or not." There was really nothing Michael could tell Jasper at that point that would make him want to stop talking to the other werewolf. “You have nothing to be afraid of.” After everything Jasper had been through and done himself, he couldn’t pass judgement on anyone else.

Michael smiled at the nice comment about his mother, before Jasper said he could tell him anything. For a brief moment Michael regretted saying anything, and considered if he could get out of it somehow, but no. He wanted this, he’d been trying to say it since before the winter potluck. “Well, I don’t know how to say this exactly… Well there’s this poem I’ve been rereading, the Ballad of Reading Gaol, and it’s about Oscar Wilde’s time in prison, and through the whole thing he’s admiring this dude who’s awaiting his execution you know. It’s a beautiful poem, and-” he stops himself, “I’m going a bit off track, sorry. I’m a bit nervous.” He takes a deep breath, and tries again. “Anyway, there’s this line in it that goes he who lives more lives than one, more deaths than one must die, and it kind of hits me I guess, because… well he’s not talking about literal lives of course, it’s not about reincarnation or anything. It’s about living like a secret life you know, kind of like Bruce Wayne living a secret life as Batman. Are you with me so far?”

Jasper sat quietly as Michael tried to work out what he wanted to tell him, and whatever it was, seemed very important, and Jasper wasn't about to rush him on it. While Michael spoke of the poem, Jasper's brow furrowed slightly in confusion. What was Michael getting at, double life? "Yeah, I'm following you so far," he said quietly, not wanting to push Michael too much. Jasper had no idea what Michael was starting to get at, but with how Hawthorne had been to those who lived here, he was starting to suspect that he needed help hiding some bodies, and Jasper knew of a couple places on the outskirts of town that would work well, of course they’d need to move at night when everything was quieter, and they’d need to carry vervain in case they ran into any vampires, but if they moved quick enough it wouldn’t take more than one night per body.  He reached out and placed his hand on Michael's arm in what he hoped was a comforting way. "Breathe, whatever it is you want to tell me, it's alright."

Michael smiled, a faint blush coloring his cheeks. He was just a bit embarrassed that his mum always went overboard like this, not because he thought she was embarrassing, but because he thought it made it obvious that he’d never really had friends before. This was Jasper though, Jasper whom he wanted to know his deepest secret, and who already knew that Michael didn’t exactly swim in friends. “Oh, she’s just thrilled that there’s someone to  go all out for, you know. I don’t have people over very often after all.” 

Seeing Jasper like that, putting a piece of candy in his mouth to stop himself from rambling, much like Michael would when he needed an excuse not to say anything, inspired Michael. Before he had a chance to change his mind he took a shaky breath and even before his lips parted he felt his heartbeat rise. “Hey Jasper, can I tell you something?” 

The admission of not having a lot of people to invite over was shocking to Jasper, to say the least. Michael and his mother were some of the most welcoming people Jasper had ever come to known, how anyone would not want to interact with him was beyond anything he could comprehend really. “She’s one of the sweetest women I’ve ever met, you know. A downright saint at some points.” He smiled, shaking his head a bit.

The uptick in Michael’s heart rate, along with the very odd and even more vague question put Jasper on mild edge. He wasn’t scared, no, but worried for his friend, already trying to think of places in Hawthorne to eventually hide a body should that need to be the case. “Of course, you can tell me anything,” was out of his mouth before he really had time to process what he was saying. Was he really okay with someone trusting him that much? Someone that he could trust in return. One look at Michael now, obviously nervous about what he had to say, and how he wanted Jasper to be the one to hear it, was enough to solidify that yes, he made the right call. “You know I’m always here for you.”

“Cool, I’ll be right back,” Michael said, trying to contain the emotion in his voice as he got up and headed out to the kitchen. It was something about the way Jasper so casually called him Mike that made him just a little bit teary eyed while he found the snacks. Michael didn’t have nicknames. His mother had called him Mikey when he was younger, but that didn’t count. He’d never had a friend shorten his name like that, and now Jasper did. He smiled like an idiot while he put chocolate and fruit caramels in bowls and found a bigger one for the bag of chips. 

Soon he returned with various snacks and a can of soda for each of them on a tray, as well as a juice box for Paisley. He set it on the little table in the corner between the couches, and sat down so he was sitting in the end of the couch closest to the snack table, even though that made it harder to casually glance over at Jasper, which was a bit of a loss. “Help yourself, mum went a bit wild again.” 

Jasper smiled at Michael as he left, unaware of how the simple act of calling him Mike made him feel. He took the time to check on Paisley more, making sure she was okay on her play mat. Seeing as how she was still entertained by the colorful objects above her and showed so impending signs of distress, Jasper settled back onto the couch just in time to see Michael come back.

"Wow," he said, a little surprised by the amount offered. Hearing that Michael's mom had gone overboard again, and with it remaining unsaid that Jasper's presence was the cause of it was almost more than he could bare. Michael and his mother were so kind to him while asking nothing in return. "Thank you, both you and your mom. This is really nice of you two." He took one of the chocolates that was there and looked at it for a moment. Did they even realize how much this meant to him? “You really don’t need to go all out like this for me though, not that I don’t appreciate it, I really, really do.” He ate the piece of candy then, just to shut himself up.

After the disaster that was the winter potluck staying home from this event hadn’t been a difficult choice to make. Jasper wasn’t going either, so Michael had asked him to come over, Now they were both in the living room, Michael curled up in the corner of one couch with a worn out paperback. From his position her could casually glance over at his friend, and smile seeing the other boy read. 

Hey Jasper, can I tell you something? he didn’t say. He wanted to, but the words got stuck in his chest, refusing to come out, so he looked back at his book instead. After a few seconds he said something completely different, “do you want some snacks?” 

@jasperxkeane

A quiet evening in with his friend was just what Jasper needed. While the rest of the town was gathered, all dressed up and making small talk, he was curled up on one of Michael’s couches, reading the book Michael himself gave him while Paisley was on her play mat in front of him so he could easily keep an eye on his niece. It was, peaceful. Something Jasper didn’t think he’d ever get again. Michael gave him a lot of things he never thought he’d have again, and it did things to his feelings.

He looked up when he felt like Michael was going to say something, only seeing him with his nose in the book in his hands. It wasn’t long before Michael asked him about snacks, and he offered him a smile, looking down to make sure Paisley was still enjoying herself before turning back to his friend. “Sure, Mike, that sounds good.”