being the eldest daughter is so draining. parents holding you to higher emotional standards than the ones they hold themselves to. than the ones they hold anyone else to. always being so underappreciated for how you've raised so many people even though you're still a child. wanting to get away. wanting to stay for the sake of your siblings because they need you. feeling kinship to your mother for being underappreciated and overworked but wondering why it always has to be you to break the cycle. feeling like you're the parent and being painfully reminded that you're not when you go unnoticed again. wondering if what you want even matters, since no one seems to care about it. learning how to rely on yourself. learning how to prioritise yourself and feeling guilty for it because you don't know anything else. learning how to break cycles again and again and take care of yourself, since no one else is going to do it for you
