sentimental & monday.

"okay,” she accepts his assurance with a smile. even late jas isn’t that late, it’s just that punctual louis is always early, so when you split the difference... “you’re right, i wouldn’t! i don’t live to make your life more uncomfortable, louis, quite the opposite.” what he deserves and what makes him feel best are two different things, and in certain departments she’s still learning to accept this, but not when it comes to unwanted attention. “as always, i’ll just have to celebrate your birthday hard enough to make up for all the people who have no idea.” but she’s getting ahead of herself! jas knows that this is her birthday, even if talking about him is her ideal way to spend her time. she can’t help smiling in spite of herself the second he starts shaking his head, even as she keeps talking. they’re extremely similar in this way, though jas has a decent level of self-appreciation. it’s just that louis will always think more highly of her than she could ever possibly think of herself, and vice versa. “you’re extremely biased,” she points out, leaning over to kiss him appreciatively. “i give you kisses and baked goods. and i can only do one of those things for my colleagues.” and she hasn’t even brought in any snacks to the office. well...not a lot. “no, you’re lying,” she gasps dramatically, a knee jerk reaction, then grins. “strike that, what i meant was -- you’re amazing and i love you very much. and that was very hot of you right now actually.” louis is a decisive person, when it comes to his own preferences and desires, but he often lets jas decide on activities for the both of them, much less a dinner in honor of her, so it’s nice seeing him just whip out a plan like that. “should we go all out then? champagne? one of everything on the menu?” she’s only teasing, though in a twisted kind of way it sounds nice, if she didn’t have to think about the inevitable food waste. jas picks up the lunch menu in front of her, eyes flitting over the salads. “maybe i should eat light, to leave room for tonight’s big feast.”

"i think everything about the idea of post-grad life is good weird. different, kind of scary, but mostly exciting.” she smiles easily at him, her mind a constant whir of ideas about what the next year will be like. and coloring every thought, on the periphery of her career and the rest of her social life, is him, the person she gets to go home to every day. jas takes his nudge as an invitation to lean her head on his shoulder, looking at up him through her mascaraed lashes. “yeah, very cool,” she teases, turning her head to press a quick kiss to his arm. it is, honestly, the coolest thing ever. getting to be an adult, whatever that might entail, starts with the decision to move in with her boyfriend and finally learn what it’s like to split the rent and bills and household chores and it’s so lame but those are the things that excite her most about graduation. knowing that louis is one of the neatest and cleanest people ever to walk the earth helps, too. “and would it surprise you to learn that i liked it?” there’s no such thing as too corny for jas, and given the way they both act around one another, she definitely would have figured out if she had a limit by now. “i’m just a lucky girl, my boyfriend has fascinating interests, what can i say?” she’s being 100% genuine, because he does, thank god he doesn’t collect stamps or something...though jas would easily find a way to be enthralled by that if he was the one talking about it. “i’ll concede defeat, though i won’t elaborate why.” torture and imprisonment comes to mind, unfortunately! “or, maybe, try to think of it this way: you have so many specific interests and you talk about them so passionately that i can’t help but retain all of that information and use it to get you gifts i think you’ll like. it’s sort of...like...your fault?” she suggests innocently, blinking a few times. there are certainly people in her life, or people she’s come across, who are a million times harder to shop for than louis. but when it comes to him, she has to narrow down all of her ideas. it’s a matter of picking and choosing, which can be a challenge of its own. “oh, good! because i have several pinterest boards with different aesthetics and i’m still trying to narrow it down. thankfully, i have time to decide...though i wish i didn’t, you know? i’m ready to move in with you now.” especially compared to the gallagher method of bunking four to a room. she’s small so it’s not too uncomfortable, but sharing an actual bed bed and getting snuggles is astronomically preferable, obviously. jas’s noise of disbelief is muffled by his quick kiss, but she gasps in disbelief when he pulls away. “you weren’t even there!” she usually doesn’t get nervous watching other people open presents from her, it’s normally an exciting prospect, but she can’t help how sweaty her hands feel suddenly. it’s not even rational, really, of course louis would appreciate the time she put into it if nothing else, but...perhaps it’s because these letters mean so much to her, she’d meant every word. she peers over, tapping her baby pink nail against the top envelope labelled open now. “well, you can open this one. if you want.”

“this might not be comforting...” she starts, which is in itself not a comforting beginning to a sentence, so she steps towards him and tugs him closer. “but nobody is ever really safe.” kids scooped up at bus stops, girls followed home while jogging, couples taken unawares while kissing in the car -- it seems like no matter what you do, someone might want to hurt you. “the difference is that you and i know how to protect ourselves, and how to fight back. and we’re good at it, too,” she adds with a faint smile, because if they’re going to be a part of this crazy business, at least they’re talented. “of course, i also feel better when we’re together.” it doesn’t make jas feel better solely for safety reasons, either, her entire life is made better when she gets to spend her time within louis’s orbit. “mm, well, now everyone knows what happens when you fuck with a gallagher student.” if you don’t end up dead, you at least end up hurt, and a lot of the student body has connections that outsiders wouldn’t want to anger. she reaches up to gently pinch his chin, then gives it a kiss, because anyone who messes with him is just begging to have their ass kicked. jas has a savior complex in general, she’s somewhat aware of that, and it’s possible she would have wanted to stab cecil back no matter who he had attacked. before the boys came, jas considered all gallagher girls to be family. but because cecil had picked louis of all people, she didn’t just want to hurt him, she couldn’t stop herself. still, she couldn’t say for sure that she wouldn’t have gone down to the sublevels on the behalf of someone else, too. jas nuzzles against his neck, and she is taking in everything he’s saying, she’s not sure she could ever not listen to louis even if she tried, but reliving this entire situation just makes her clingier than usual. thank god she gets to do this, thank god there’s still something so precious to her in this world, as dangerous and scary as it seems at times. she sighs against his skin before pulling back to look him in the eyes. “sweetheart, there’s a million things you take the blame for that aren’t your fault. and as much as i hate it, i’ve accepted it, my little worrywart. i’m not trying to make you feel any guiltier than you already do, but you should just...remember that i make my own choices, and if i want to take a risk for the person i love, then that’s my decision.” jas leans up to kiss him, twice, in quick succession, then breaks their embrace only to grab his hand and squeeze it. “haha,” she deadpans, but with a smile. “if i actually admitted to that, you would be extremely upset with me! plus, i know it’s a lot easier to get you out here than to do something that dramatic.” she rarely plays that card, because she wants louis to enjoy his new job and not waste any time or energy visiting her, but she always could. they both know that, it goes both ways. “oh, gosh, what should we do?” she wonders aloud, swinging his arm as they walk. “there’s so many options. i’d hate to accidentally spend the whole night in bed binge watching tv together.” except that’s exactly what she wants to do.

“well, i still hope you weren’t waiting long.” partially because she feels bad making him wait, but mostly because she wants to be where ever he is whenever she’s allowed to be, for as long as she can. it’s harder to make their lunch breaks line up than she thought it’d be when she first started with the fbi, but since it’s her birthday, she was especially determined. “oops, i forgot, i handed out little desk calendars to everyone in your department with your birthday circled all special.” she grins, as if the joke isn’t obvious enough, because she may be extra but not in a way that makes louis uncomfortable, she hopes. it’s oddly nice being the only one at work who knows when it’s his birthday, so she can monopolize his special day and not have to compete with the other louis fans in the office. “apparently,” she admits, trying to conceal a smile. “i sort of expected people to be slow to warm up to...me, but also everyone, when they’re new. especially since i started straight out of school.” louis is an exception, because he’s just so good at what he does that naturally she’d expect his coworkers to recognize his talents immediately. “you didn’t make a secret reservation for us?” she asks, a crinkle in her nose that forewarns a smile, because he certainly knows her well enough to know she has some ideas of her own. “i was thinking rooster & owl. it’s kind of expensive, but i have a fancy rich boyfriend, so.” she smirks, because they’re both doing well enough to do something nice on special occasions, which is what louis deserves. and since he’s still learning how to treat himself to nice things, she’ll keep doing it for him. “and they have a lot of gluten free options!”

"no, not a requirement, per se, but i think being tech savvy is somewhat important!” jas, competent as she is with social media and technology overall, could never be a cyber sleuth to the degree that the fbi would require if she was in the cyber security or crimes units. it seems like a basic understanding of the way people interact with modern communication could be important in every field, though! “people’s bitmojis say so much about them, though, you know...don’t you wonder how he’d make his look?” she asks with a laugh. jas’s father doesn’t use snapchat or anything, but he certainly does have a bitmoji who sometimes makes appearances in their text exchanges. she barely refrains from giving his little nudging shoulder a kiss and just smiles at him instead. “i’m an expert only to the degree that i know that sometimes when you feel something, the feelings spill out of your eyes.” technically, louis is more of the expert on tearing up due to various allergens, like pet dander or dust or...air...sometimes, especially in the spring. “let’s not pretend like i do all the crying in this relationship,” she teases, reaching up to give him a gentle poke in his cheek. whether it’s her own propensity towards tears rubbing off on him or her constant need to shower him with praise and sappiness, jas is somewhat comforted that he’s not always dry eyed. of course, there’s been tears of worry and frustration on both ends too, but even the tough stuff is part of what makes a relationship, especially theirs, so important and fulfilling. though, she’d appreciate it if neither of them had to actively worry about their lives again any time soon. but basically! one of the best things about louis is he’s an emotive person, just like her. he’s not the kind of boy who feels pressured to keep things bottled up or appear stoic. he’s not afraid to be excited or sad or...well, afraid! “oh, yeah? your thumbs super strong from all the practice with joysticks?” she jokes, because she’s seen firsthand how aggressive he can be while playing video games, but when it comes to her, his thumbs are gentler than any tissue could ever be. “whether i’m talking about it or not, i’m always thinking about it,” she admits easily, because he already knows how much she’s looking forward to moving in with him. jas tilts her head slightly, her hand raking slowly through his hair. “hm, good point,” she agrees with a smile. “we’ll get to test that theory soon enough.” or not soon enough, but soon, jas knows that seeing him on a daily basis isn’t nearly as distant as it feels. “but for now...” she gently brushes his stray hairs away from his forehead with her fingertips then runs her thumbs across his cheekbone. “we only have a couple more days together and i don’t want to waste a single one of them.”

“it’s not actually weird, it just...feels weird. the idea of never coming back.” she imagines a lot of people feel that way about college, though in their case, there’s a good deal of trauma and bad memories associated with the gallagher campus, so finally leaving entirely will be a positive. “i like going places, and seeing new things, and being with you, so it sounds exactly like our kind of trip,” she assures him, and while she may not love astronomy the way he does (how many people do?), she’s always had an interest and she finds it plenty fascinating. “but you do realize...being in love with you back is why i’m gonna do the stuff you love. i like making you happy, and luckily for me, you have interests i don’t mind learning about...mostly.” it’s not that jas doesn’t like video games, she’s just not good at all of them. jas feigns confusion. “all sweat is fun?” she can’t help but grin at his reaction, even if this is basically one of those i-don’t-think-it’s-a-joke-anymore kind of things. she can’t be blamed entirely; pheromones are a crazy thing! and she’s always thought he smelled nice, she should have known earlier just how much she liked him, or at least that she felt an instant attraction. it’s a stroke of fantastic luck that she managed to get to know him well enough to figure out it went much deeper than that. they hadn’t been in the same year, they’d taken vastly different classes, and it’s scary to think of how easy it would have been to never connect at all. “i like giving gifts!” she insists, much more than receiving them, though she values everything he’s ever given her, mostly because it’s from him. jas swears she’s the most low pressure person to shop for. “i’ve done it before and i’ll do it again,” she threatens, smiling, because despite herself, she really does love slowly decorating her future home. “let’s not put it over the bed, though, we don’t have to be that cheesy.” she leans over it give him a quick kiss, raising an eyebrow when she pulls away to look at him. “what are the other four, is it at least ranked number one?” he probably would have said that if it was, though, right? “okay, the other thing.” jas fights the silly nerves the bubble in her tummy when she crawls over to grab the stack of envelopes before returning to hand them to louis. “these are...me being there for you when i can’t actually be there for you. you can read them whenever you need them. it was really nice getting to sit down and write exactly what i wanted to say, so, well, hopefully you like them, too.”

“hey!” she greets breathlessly, gripping the side of his face to plant a kiss on his cheek before dropping into the seat across from him. “sorry i’m late, i guess a lot of people were waiting until lunch to tell me happy birthday.” jas produces a cupcake in an individual holder and sets it on the table top with a smile. “janice gave me this, then i got a few giftcards and some other things, i’ll show you when we get home.” of course, she hadn’t brought any of them to lunch, aside from the cupcake which she wants to share with louis for dessert. “it’s nice to know my co-workers remembered my birthday,” she says, trying to sound casual, but it means a lot that they even like her enough to acknowledge the day. / @princessleialover69​

there are exceptions to every rule, which is something jas understood when she broke them to go after cecil. murder was never her intention, but she isn’t regretful about how everything had gone down, either. it’s easier for her, because she hadn’t taken cecil’s life with her own hands, she doesn’t have to live knowing that she’s capable of murder. but she knows she is, in any variety of situations. one day she might just have a license to kill, and she’ll make use of that if forced. so even though jas normally doesn’t condone murder, when it comes to the people she loves the most, she can’t help but think it’s justified. even if it’s selfish. jas doesn’t care half as much about the leak as louis does, but then again, that’s part of why she’d do anything for him. because, somehow, he loves her just as much as she loves him. they both prioritize the other. “they probably had a reason...which is more concerning than the leak itself.” jas doesn’t know if it was a distraction or a tactic to get those involved in trouble with both gallagher and the brotherhood. perhaps she thinks too highly of herself, but she’s not worried about fighting for her life. she trusts that she can handle anything, which might be one of her biggest faults. the thrum of his heartbeat beneath her ear is just as comforting as always, something she can’t feel and hear when they’re miles apart. jas inhales with her cheek against his chest, focusing on his scent for a moment before replying. “i’ll always feel bad that it makes you feel bad,” she says quietly, because she’s almost certain that no matter how much time passes, louis will wrongly think he has blood on his hands. the only blood on his hands was his own, clutching at an injury he never should have had. at least cecil had earned his punishment, while louis was targeted because of a legacy he barely knew anything about. she knows he wouldn’t see it that way, so she doesn’t argue the point. jas tilts her head up and presses up on her tip toes to plant a kiss to his neck, then smiles. “believe it or not...i think one day we’ll be able to be happy without all the worry.” if everything works out as they hope, then working in the same building will bring a huge amount of comfort. “okay, don’t judge me for this, but you hurrying over in a panic is sort of nice, because we don’t have any obligation to be somewhere else.” especially with her role on the party planning committee. “well, maybe you do, but since you’re already here...let’s see if we can pretend that work and classes don’t exist for one night.”

“you better,” she says with a soft smile, because she’s fully expecting him to never broach the subject again. while his father’s text may sound sort of lame, she has to assume louis’s response wasn’t much better. but even though the conversation was probably pretty short, it’s still progress! especially when emojis are involved. “he’s a spy, louis, and he’s not a million years old!” jas, for one, would like to give the man some credit. “i bet he just doesn’t know how to use them yet, it doesn’t come naturally.” people also have different interpretations of emojis, it really depends on the circles you run in. “you saying for now just means i’ll eventually be the winner later on,” she says with certainty, because part of her still believes she’ll become obnoxious over time, but she’ll always love everything about louis. so that makes her the winner in the grand scheme of things. “what about when you tear up from allergies, is that crying?” tearing and crying are totally different things, they might even produce different kinds of water, but she can’t remember off the top of her head. “you’ve done lots of awful things, like be unbearably cute, and sweet and thoughtful and considerate, all of which are things that make my tear ducts act out! thank goodness you have such good tear-wiping thumbs.” it’s intended as a joke, but? not untrue. he’s really good at it. jas knows she could have probably turned up this weekend and said happy birthday! and just kissed him for a really long time and he would have been satisfied with that, but...she likes buying things for people she loves and getting to see the expression on their face. she can’t even see louis’s face when they’re kissing, though that’s not something she’s complaining about, though...in a way she does sort of miss him when they get caught up like this and she can’t actually look at his flushed face. “so when i move in,” she says between kisses, breathing a soft laugh against his lips, “and we have more time to do this, does that mean we’ll do it less, because we don’t have to make the most of our time together anymore?” she already knows the answer to this, but it doesn’t stop her from fishing for confirmation, because physical intimacy comes so easily for them that she knows exactly what to say to switch his mindset. “they say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but i dunno...” she presses closer to him and tightens her arms around his neck even more. “i feel very fond of you right here.”

"that’s...” she pauses before exhaling. sad! but she won’t let herself overthink insignificant little things like that tonight, because this is undoubtedly a happy occasion, and though tears seem inevitable, surely she won’t shed any thinking about how louis will never see the astronomy tower again. “actually, i was thinking we should take a trip to see the lowell observatory someday.” it’s more than a day via car and a few hours in a plane, but this is her person, so jas has to find ways to make air travel more comfortable for him, because she’d ideally like to see the world with him. but she can start with arizona. she grins up at him, lucky in the knowledge that she actually has a boyfriend who cares about things like anniversaries, even the half years, because not everyone can say that. it’s been a long time since jas has been with someone for this long and she knows it’s a first for louis, and selfishly she’s pleased nobody else can say they’ve had him all to themselves for a whole year. more than that, if you count from their first kiss, which in her heart she does, but technically relationships officially begin when finally defining said relationship. “god, don’t remind me what i’m missing out on,” she jokes with a laugh, the mention of him sweating making her think of their long-running bit more than anything else. jas plops down on the bundle of artfully arranged pillows, tugging him down gently to sit beside her. “i’ve conveniently thought of gifts that won’t take up a lot of space, because i’m considerate. and your apartment isn’t exactly a shoebox, either, mister fbi agent.” grinning still, even as she leans in to kiss him one last time before crawling over to grab the first gift, she’s oddly nervous that he won’t like the gifts, or that she’s done too much, per usual. jas produces the star poster from behind the picnic basket, simply wrapped in brown paper, and hands it over to him. “this is...extremely cheesy, but i figure, for us, it makes sense.” she bites her lip, over-explaining even before he’s fully unwrapped it. “the date on it is our first kiss, since...” that’s what the sky looked like when they were looking at it, together, through his telescope.

“okay. but you can.” even if louis isn’t on the video, he was the one cecil had attempted to kill. the impact of what cecil did will always have a far greater impact on him than on her. they do talk about it, sometimes, but usually in the few hushed words spoken after a nightmare and not in the kind of detail he likely still isn’t prepared to go into. jas just wants him to know that she’ll always be there to lean on, that he’ll never be alone with his thoughts or feelings as long as she’s around. sometimes she worries about pushing too hard, so she tries to show her supportiveness in other ways, knowing he’ll get the idea. all things considered, it’s inconceivable that he’d care more about how she feels right now, but she doesn’t want to force him to think about how, as far as her involvement is concerned, it all comes back to him. because the decision was hers, regardless of why she did it. “we don’t have to talk about it all over again, and you know i can’t stand the thought of you getting hurt and i’m always going to do my best to protect you, but i also want you to know that i don’t feel like...this is always going to be my impulse to prove how much you mean to me.” because she would have preferred being there for louis physically, to stroke his hair when his arm made it impossible to fall asleep, instead of leaving him in his dorm bed alone to go down to the sublevels. she’s sure that, on a certain level, he’d always known she was involved the second cecil’s attack was broadcasted to the school. regardless, she never would have pretended otherwise or tried to keep the truth from him, even if it would have caused him less stress. “i know you don’t see me as a violent person or anything, maybe i’d do things differently now...but at the time it was really scary, because it felt like i’d just found you and someone tried to take you away and it...” she looks at the ground and exhales, then meets his eyes and forces a smile. “freaked me out a lot, obviously i’d still be terrified if something happened to you now, and it’s not that i’m getting used to that, because i’ll never get used to that, i’m just more secure with the idea of you being a big part of the rest of my life. and at the time, i felt like this whole amazing future we’re going to have together was almost taken away in an instant, before i even got to tell you how i felt, and i panicked.” jas has never felt the need to explain away what she did, because she’d admit it to anyone and not even qualify it as wrong, but it was a rash decision that she didn’t have a lot of time to rationalize her way out of. she tugs him gently in one direction and brings the back of his hand to her lips, leaving them there for a silent moment. “i missed you,” she says quietly, followed by a half-hearted laugh. “i wish you weren’t here for shitty reasons but i feel a lot better now that you are.”

“good! let me know what he says,” she teases back, though she would pay the big bucks to watch that conversation go down, actually. jas is, quietly, very invested in louis’s relationship with his father, but she knows that being over zealous about them getting closer won’t be effective with either party. besides, she believes in her boyfriend, and he’s already making progress in that department with or without her help. (she does try to help a little.) “you want to call it a tie?” she asks, smiling into the kiss before wrapping her arms around his neck, because this is just one of the many many many things she’ll never get sick of, and one of the top five reasons why they’re both lucky to have been born at all, and to have found each other despite being born in different countries in vastly different situations. “sorry,” she mutters, not meaning it, then brushes her nose softly against his. jas can’t even imagine how he’d react if he ever made her cry in the bad way. the closest he’s ever come was probably when he’d gotten hurt, which wasn’t remotely his fault, but her constant battle to fight back tears had definitely not been of the happy variety. “i don’t even know if you can call it crying, really, i just get teary-eyed. my tear ducts feel very strongly about you!” that seems almost inevitable, so she smiles at the idea of being together for long enough to reach that point, and because any time he touches her hair or his fingers graze her face, her stomach flips. “if it helps, i’ll probably never get used to it.” jas has been assuming that she’ll have to one day, maybe because she’ll be older or maybe because she’ll stop finding every little thing he does so endearing, but at the same time, how could she ever possibly get used to knowing she’s with the exact right person? “i know you do,” she says, repeating a sentiment she’s shared countless times, but she never gets tired of reassuring him. “oh, yeah?” jas subtly tightens her arms around his neck, tilting her head slightly. “intentional how?” she leans in to kiss him softly, more tender than passionate, though she has a lot of passion when it comes to the birthday boy.