you can only blame your problems on the world...

daysia was a bit taken aback when jasmine went to get an actual drink. she meant water, but white claw was fine too. she’d never say no to turning up. had she struck a nerve? that wasn’t the intention, not in the slightest. daysia was genuinely concerned. she knew how vulnerable jasmine was for michael, and perhaps a bit selfishly, she didn’t want the other girl to leave her for him, or to get hurt again. “sorry if that came off nosy… you know i just care about you a lot,” she flashed a warm smile in jasmine’s direction and accepted the end of the joint as she handed it over. daysia finished it off, ashed it and tossed the roach into the ash tray before giving all of her attention to jasmine as she spoke about the situation. “well love bug, first of all, you need to know that it was very mature of you to even give him the time of day in the first place. you could have easily fled the situation – shit, i would have,” she chuckled, reaching for the white claw that jas held. “you show a tremendous amount of strength for having a conversation with him. i have to admit that it’s very… odd… that he’s just rooming with liam. probably just a coincidence, but also feels kind of off. did liam know who he was?”

Jasmine was shaking her head dismissively before Daysia even finished the apology. “No, no, you’re not being nosy. I was just avoiding thinking about it, but I know that’s just digging a bigger hole.” When she was settled back down on the couch, she scooted into the edge of it comfortably to lean against the arm and the back, taking another long drink of her mango White Claw. She didn’t drink often at all, but White Claws were an exception. Even if they tasted a little too much like sparkling water to live up to all the hype Jasmine heard about them. When Daysia reached for it, she handed it over gladly. “I tried at first - believe me, I just wanted to shove the cookies at him and get the hell out of there. But he offered me hot cocoa and I just... I don’t know, I thought he deserved the chance to be heard out.” She pursed her lips together uncomfortably. Liam never talked about Michael and she knew it was out of concern for her. It had been over a year, but it was still a touchy topic for her. “Well, do you remember when we told you that Liam and I grew up in the same town? We never met and I don’t even think I’d heard his name before I met Michael, but they were best friends for a while. Liam moved before we started dating, but yeah, they go way back.” She didn’t think about it very much at all, but laying all the details out on paper so to say made her feel bad. They were just friends, but the amount they ‘jokingly’ flirted with each other made that a really tough truth to sell. So remembering how close Liam and Michael were... yeah, it made her feel guilty. “I don’t know what I’m going to do. I don’t hate him, you know? He was a really good boyfriend and I really miss him sometimes, but... but I don’t know if I’m ready for him to be back in my life. Is that selfish of me?” She reached out for the drink again.

Eli slightly flinched as she slabbed the paste onto his cheek. “Jas,” laughed, “I trust you, and I’m trusting you to not burn my skin off my face. Can you uphold that trust?” Eli winked at her, “Don’t let me down, Cohan.” He kept a smug look on his face, but that was proving to be a lot harder than he thought it would as he tried to maneuver around Jas to eat his popcorn. Suddenly, he felt an itch on his face, and as a reflex, he reached up to itch it. “Fuck.” Eli spluttered out the word as he felt the goopy face mask on his finger. “Jas, this feels disgusting.” He giggled as he teased her, but continued, “No seriously though, I’m sorry for fucking up this… face slime shit.” He made a gesture towards the bowl filled with the face mask. “I didn’t fuck it up too bad though, right?” Eli’s face was full of worry. 

“Elijah!” Jasmine snapped, though it was quickly followed by laughter at the disgusted look on his face when he touched the goopy face mask. “Yeah, you completely ruined it. Now your skin is gonna melt off and you’re just gonna be bone, cartilage, and muscle matter. How does that make you feel, hmm?” Though she gave a little shake of her head. “No, you’re fine. I can cover it up. Just no more moving! And I hope you get used to the way it feels, because you’re gonna have to do me when I’m done with this.” She carefully touched up the area where he’d messed up the face mask. “Hey, if this ends up good, we can open our own beauty product line. And call it Goop by Jaslijah. We’ll be millionaires overnight, and fairly split the profits down the middle. Almost down the middle... like, thirty-seventy sound okay?” She smiled teasingly and gingerly tilted his jaw so she could smear more of the mask along the underside of his jaw. “Doesn’t this make you feel super nice? Like all of the stress of the day, being totally soaked up by all this goop. You can thank me at any time, by the way.”

Destiny looked over at the other girl, a smile pulling across her face as she looked at Jasmine. “Yeah? Really, awesome.” If Destiny was being honest she kind of was half sure such a reply wouldn’t have flown. But it made her cheeks all warm as she heard the agreement. “I am really glad to hear that you don’t think I’m a total dweeb for wanting this. But I’m really glad you are down.” She nodded as she looked around wondering what direction the dive-y bowling alley was. “I think there is one I went to when I first moved in, it is about three blocks over? Are you cool with walking?” 

“Oh, no, I never said you weren’t a total dweeb,” Jasmine pointed out, through a bright, good natured giggle. “But I also never said that I wasn’t a total dweeb, too! So let’s hit it.” She nodded cheerfully at the question. “Yeah, walking is fine. It’s a nice night, the fresh air will be really nice.” So she followed Destiny in that direction, taking advantage of all the crunchy fallen leaves on the ground by stepping on every one that came into their path. “When you first moved in - does that mean you’re new-ish to the city?” She was usually a talkative person, definitely, but the little amount of alcohol in her system was amplifying that. Fun for Destiny.

Michael’s hand fled to her arm quickly in an effort to stop her from leaving. “Jas, wait…” Michael trailed off for a second, but hopped back on the rails quickly. “It was a last minute thing, Jas. I had a job offer here in L.A. and found out how close Liam lives to the new job. I had to take it, it seemed like the perfect opportunity…” He paused for a moment to give her some time to soak up the information. He knew she probably felt like he was talking a mile a minute because of how overwhelmed she probably was. He took a breath in. “I have a chance to explain things. I want you to know why I broke it off with you. I want you to know that I didn’t ever mean to hurt you. I didn’t do it because I didn’t like you anymore. It was much more complicated than how I felt. Jas…” He took in another breath, needing just as much of a pause to process things as she did. “Can we talk? I can make you some hot cocoa or something.”

Jasmine didn’t want to stay. There were a million and a half things she wanted to say to Michael, all of which had been stewing in her head since he broke up with her. Many of which were probably never going to leave the pages of her journal. But now that she was in front of him, none of it was coming to her mind. She really needed to go dig through her journal and rehearse everything to the mirror before actually talking to him. But he was right here, and as stressed as she was, she really fucking missed him. And that ever-so-earnest expression he wore when he talked to her. She couldn’t just say fuck off and leave. So she nodded slowly. “Um, okay. Y-yeah, cocoa would be nice.” She sat down on the couch, her purse still strapped over her chest. Nervously, she picked at the pleather strap as she watched her ex boyfriend busy himself in the kitchen with her hot cocoa. “So... so did you drive yourself and all your things up here?” she questioned in an attempt to make conversation. “I bet Marvin loved that.” Marvin was the nickname she’d given his rattled up old car, that she made fun of quite a bit even though it had often been a little sanctuary for the two of them in high school. They’d been broke kids, so sometimes going on a date wasn’t the most cost-effective thing in the world, so they’d just get in his car and go for a drive for a while, or find somewhere to park with fast food. No, no; Jasmine didn’t want to think about that right now. Reminiscing would just make it harder for her to keep a clear head during all of this. So she cleared her throat. “How are you liking LA so far?”

Liam just shook his head and held his free hand up in surrender, “You caught me! I know I’ll lose and that would just be straight-up embarrassing! I’m trying to impress you, not make a fool of myself,” he said, the playful grin returning to his face. He never really thought much about the way he flirted with her. It started because she was a pretty girl, but it was pretty clear that there was more behind his words now. Of course, he was in denial and didn’t think so. To him, he thought he was just having some fun. Which he was, but he didn’t even consider just how Jasmine might feel about him. Surely, her little flirty comments back were just for fun too. They were best friends and nothing more. There was nothing wrong with a little playful flirting. When she took a seat in the dirt, he didn’t hesitate to plop down next to her. He shoved the rest of his granola bar into his mouth before taking the bag from her dig around for another snack. “Hey, I listen when you tell me to do things!” he said, giving her a look like he was hurt by what she was saying. “I am very much capable of doing what I’m supposed to. I wouldn’t have a job if I couldn’t” he said. It was fair of her to say that though. There had been numerous times that Liam had forgotten to pack food for them. He always pulled the whole “I thought it was your turn” whenever she called him out on it. “Gatorade got it,” he said nodding his head as he worked at opening a second granola bar. “I’ll bring the Gatorade and you’ll bring the kisses,” he said, a playful smile coming to his face as he looked over at her. He then shrugged his shoulders, “I think we can make it to the Observatory! We might be exhausted as shit, but I still think we can manage,” he said with a confident nod. He then shook his head and let out a sigh, “Are you ever going to let me forget that? Endgame ruined my life and made it whole again all at the same time. I’m still not over Tony Stark by the way…” he said with a small sad sigh before taking a big bite of his granola bar. “Wait, are you wanting to go to the Observatory just so you can make fun of me?” he asked, looking quickly back up at her, “You’re a bully, Jas.” he said, throwing his empty granola wrapper at her. “Here I was thinking it was going to be romantic and that I might finally get that kiss, and you’re over here like ‘I’m gonna roast this bitch’,” he said in his best Jasmine voice before letting out a laugh.

“Don’t talk with your mouth full, nasty.” Jasmine wrinkled her nose up in disapproval and brought her hand up to lightly cover Liam’s mouth so he could finish chewing his food. “You’re never gonna get a husband if you keep acting like that.” Her lips pulled up in amusement at her own joke; something her dad used to say to her all the time that she’d passed onto Liam a while ago. He thought it was absurd enough to turn it into a repetitive joke between them, thus pretty much eliminating how damaging it had been to her as a child. Now it was just funny. “We’d be less exhausted going there if someone had brought the Gatorade, but you know, whatever...” She spoke in a mumble, like she was really butthurt, but she wore a smile anyway. Her hand fell from his mouth so crack open her water bottle, taking a quick sip from it. She scooted back so she was leaning against a tree, folding her legs comfortably as she fed more of her Fruit by the Foot into her mouth. Contently, she hummed. “No, I’m definitely not gonna drop it. I cried too, but not as bad as you did. Ya big baby. It was hilarious, just let me have this.” She giggled at him, watching him talk and snack with a big, affectionate smile. But it slowly started fading the more she thought. Michael was here now. Her ex, Liam’s lifelong best friend. Flirting with him didn’t feel so innocent or playful anymore. It made her feel pretty guilty. “I always wanna roast this bitch, Li. Where have you been for the past year?” She cleared her throat. “Um, so I came over to give you some cookies earlier and... uh, well, Michael let me in. You didn’t tell me he was coming to stay with you for a while.” She cleared her throat, in an attempt to sound a little more casual. Truthfully, she was a little hurt he didn’t say anything, but she didn’t want to let it show. The idea of actually being upset with Liam and scolding him for something felt too foreign to want to broach. “How long has that been in the works?”

daysia had relied on marijuana for years. her brother introduced her to it at the age of sixteen, and she never looked back. anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications had never been an option for her. she’d be lying if she said she’d never tried xanax, but it was never to relieve anxiety. it was always to go into a coma for a few days. instead of forming a habit, daysia chose to medicate with weed, perhaps in excess, but it was safer than anything else, she imagined. often, she coasted through life with her head in the clouds because it was easier. as jasmine started to cough, daysia had to smirk. “am i dramatic now, jas?” she teased, rubbing the girl’s back gently. “take it easy, baby,” she took the joint back from jasmine and inhaled deeply, watching the cherry burn longer than usual. “you’ve got to cough to get off. my brother taught me that. the first time i smoked, it was with a joint and i absolutely coughed until i puked, but i was so gone… it was magic. i didn’t feel a thing,” she ashed the joint into her rainbow shaped ash tray. “so it doesn’t taste awesome… it doesn’t really go away, but you become accustomed to it. i still struggle with it sometimes. i always have a drink nearby, normally not water because that just makes it taste more like ass,” daysia melted into the couch almost immediately. her eyes fluttered to a close momentarily, when she opened them, she had to smirk up at her best friend. “so i hear there’s someone new in town… not new to you, though,” daysia inhaled from the joint once more before offering it to jasmine again.

When Daysia mentioned Michael, it actually made Jasmine stop coughing in surprise. She hadn’t wanted to tell Day because she knew what she was going to hear. ‘Keep your wits about you,’ ‘you broke up for a reason,’ ‘he broke your heart,’ ‘you don’t need a man right now.’ Blah blah. All true, whatever, but still, she didn’t want to deal with it right then. Hell, she hadn’t even processed it on her own just yet, so having her dearly beloved friend’s negative outlook affecting it wasn’t going to help her see it all clearly. So she took a long minute before answering, just taking the joint and taking a long, slow drag. This time, she coughed a little less, but still coughed. Some of the smoke came out of her nose. Per Daysia’s previous comment, she got up and went to the fridge in order to retrieve a White Claw. Standing up made the effects of the weed start to hit her a little more strongly, but it didn’t feel like movies made her believe it would. She was just a tiny bit light-headed and she felt... flowy. It was nice. Only when she sat back down with her roommate did she finally respond. “Yeah. Yeah, you heard right.” She took another puff from the joint before handing it back, exhaling the smoke before taking a drink from her beverage. “I tried to go to Liam’s the other day and saw him instead.” Anxiously, she licked her lips. “I didn’t even know what to say to him, Day. I just left as quickly as I could without seeming rude. It was really weird.”

Michael could tell she was panicking. “Shit,” he whispered lightly under his breath, but not loud enough that Jas could hear it. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know you’d be coming over…” Michael trailed off as he quickly grabbed the plate of cookies from her hands before she could drop them in her state of panic. He placed his hand lightly on her shoulder and stepped aside, gesturing for her to come inside. “Liam, uh… Jas is here…” Michael called out to let the man know who was at his door. “Jas,” he said quieter, “I really didn’t mean for you to find out like this…” He trailed off, studying her face, thoughts filled with worry as he didn’t have any time to plan how he was going to tell Jasmine that he was going to be back in her life. Or, at least he hoped she’d allow him back in her life.

Michael stepped back to let her come in, but Jasmine hesitated. She wasn’t entirely sure this was all real. After they’d broken up, she’d had a few dreams about him showing up in town, but it had been a long time since she’d had them. And in most of those, he showed up on a horse or in a tux made of flowers. Now he was just standing there in her best friend’s apartment. Or... his best friend’s apartment. It didn’t feel real, but it had to be. No matter how unprepared for it she was. So when he stepped aside to invite her in, she stayed put for a long moment. She wasn’t prepared for this in the slightest. She wanted desperately to talk to him but she also didn’t want to at all. After a moment, though, her feet led her inside anyway.

Liam was probably asleep. Or out with some other friends. Somewhere else, not coming to her rescue. Though she wasn’t sure if him being there would’ve made things more or less awkward for them. “Find out? Find...” But then she slowly took in her surroundings, looking around the familiar apartment that was covered with cardboard boxes. “Are you - um, did you move in? Here, with Liam?” she asked slowly. They’d been best friends since before she’d known any of them, but that slipped her mind all the time. Liam never mentioned Michael because he knew how touchy it still was for Jasmine, and she hadn’t spoken to her ex for almost an entire year. It felt like two completely different parts of her life that she’d never imagined coming together, even though the roots ran a lot deeper than she ever recalled. It made her a little queasy to piece together. “That’s... uh, that’s great. Cool, really cool. I know you guys miss each other.” She bit her lip, uncomfortably tapping her foot for a moment. “Well, I guess I can... just get out of your hair. Let you unpack. Um, sorry for dropping in.”

“Um… maybe moving so suddenly. I wish I’d spent last Christmas at home with my family. It’s expensive to travel back and forth, so the last one I spent with them was in 2017 and I didn’t know it’d be the last one for a while. But I’m happy here, so I take it in stride.”

“I mean, I don’t care. Why would I? Liam can do whatever he wants with whomever he wants, I don’t care. I don’t know a lot about Clarke anyway, besides sometimes seeing her on my Instagram explore page and hearing about her secondhand through some of my friends… seems like a bitch, though.”

“I’d tell Daysia that I really, really need her. She knows that I need her, like, duh, but I act like I’m annoyed when she looks out for me or praises me a whole lot for little things. I act like she’s making too big of a deal out of everything and that it’s unnecessary. I think I’m just a little too proud to admit it but I would be really messed up without her looking out for me. She acts like a sister that I’ve never had but always needed and I’m so thankful for her. I’m just gonna keep acting irritated by everything she does, though. She knows that I need her underneath it, anyway.

I’d tell Michael that I’m angry at him. He was really sweet when he broke up with me and tried really hard to not hurt me but it couldn’t not hurt. He was all I cared about for... god, like four years. We talked about moving away together and getting married and starting a family and then he just ended all of that in one conversation. It was like it didn’t even matter if all those plans were still set in stone for me. He just decided that they weren’t. The shitty things is that I know if he asked for me back I’d say yes, but I’m so angry. He ruined everything like it hadn’t been everything.

“I have a few best friends from school back in Montana, but my best friends here are Liam, Eli, and Daysia. They’re the best friends I’ve ever had.”

"Who? Liam? No, he totally doesn’t have googly eyes for me. We’re always just playing around. That’s just the kind of friendship we have.”

“No, of course not. I think he has a bad reputation, but you just need to talk to him to get to know him a little better. He’s always been such a gentleman to me.”

“Oh yeah, in a heartbeat. Are you kidding? I’d say so right in front of them! Day and I don’t hold back from any harsh truths. That’s one of the reasons she’s one of my closest friends.”