“Nobody said I was dependent on alcohol.” 

“But you seem to think I can’t be fun without it.”

“Because I work with children and cartoon scrubs make them happy and red scrubs can remind them of blood and make them scared.”

“Kids in hospitals are usually scared no matter what.”

“Okay, okay please chill. I don’t want to be the reason you have a heart attack.”

“I’m sorry. I always just get sort of nervous around cops.”

“Truly the hardest part of being a parent- even like, if you’re an animal parent.”

“Otis and I have been practically inseparable for years. I don’t think we’ve ever been apart more than a couple of hours.”

“God you sound like one boring motherfucker.”

“I’m not dependent on alcohol to have a good time. There are other ways.”

“My body looks better in black or mahogany, but apparently neither of those are good. I can maybe get away with wearing black scrubs now that I think of it.”

“Why are you allowed to wear cartoon scrubs but not mahogany?”

“Lots of books about sex. The Bible is about sex. Scarlet Letter, Dracula, Atonement, all sex.”

“Well sure sex is a theme in all of those books but it’s not an overwhelming plot device.”

“Are you now trying to bribe an officer with drugs? Just trying to get arrested today aren’t you?” He joked with the other.

“No! No, no, I just- You said it was nice to know I had it and I thought that meant you wanted some,” he panicked.

“I think you might be a little bias.” She continued with a laugh. “Three months is still the honeymoon phase, right? That’s really sweet, you started off the year very well.”

“Maybe. Most of the nicest people I’ve met have been here in LA, though,” he countered, “I guess it is. I’ve had a good 2017 so far. He makes me very happy.”

“Jared you’re going to have to let him go sometime. It’s all part of being responsible. He’ll be fine, I promise.”

“He’ll be fine, I know, but I’ll miss him too much!”