martin

helloo :] i'm martin!

i am bodily 20 years old, i use it/he/luna/fog pronouns and i am the host of both a system known as the silence collective, as well as an unnamed subsystem. masc terms only please! i am not a dl!pearl fictive! i am just a kinnie. however, i am a martin blackwood fictive if that's important to you.

all anyone needs to know is that i am audhd with bpd traits, and that is relevant to what i post here. this blog is for putting down my less savoury thoughts so that i don't kill myself or others about them.

i will try to tag triggering content as it comes. however, i do not tag substances and what i tag as nsfw is vibes based. so no minors on my blog please, and nobody who will be triggered by mentions of weed or alcohol.

i am one of my system's persecutors. likewise, i am highly suicidal and prone to self harm. please do not report my posts! if i am posting, then i am not in danger. it's when i'm not you've got to be worried about.

my main account is @irl-lonely-avatar. i interact from here!

tags under the cut!! ^_^

it could all be over in a second. there's guns and pills in this house. i keep a knife in my room. i know where my parents keep all the chemicals. there's so much in here that could get me out of here forever. im so tired. im trying so hard to hang on and be patient, but i don't know how much more of this i can take, and the one escape i do have is so tantalisingly close.

im going to die here. i know im going to die here, by my own hand. i keep scripting in my head, giving everything ive got because i know im not making it out of here, so i don't need it. all im really waiting for is for the ending of protocol. give us magnus folks some closure before the end.

i just wish i could access the post. give magnus a permanent home with someone who'll cherish my sweet little boy just as much as i do.

i hope no one blames themselves. i'd hate for that to be the mark i leave on the world. at least when the world was ending, it wouldn't have completely been my fault. but it's for the best. im miserable, im not going to stop being miserable. you're all loving someone who is, on all levels but physical, on life support. it hurts, but this is just how these stories end.

🪻 i love a good lasagna, or a steak.....

🍥 banana bread! it's not necessarily a dish, but it's resourceful and simple and everyone loves banana bread!

🎧 ive been rather partial to the scary jokes lately... also penelope scott! the ones that play on the little radio in our innerworld on repeat are the less i know the better by tame impala & here comes a thought from the steven universe soundtrack, though. for normal reasons

💭 oooh? you promise? nudging you with my shoulder <3 tell me what you think of me, pleaseee....

🔗 other people thinking theyre entitled to my sweethearts time... and technology. guy who has punched out a computer screen once in a blind rage ♡

📍 thank you so so much, my dear... i'm trying my best to be okay. it's hard living in what feels like another place designed by the Lonely to keep me trapped, but i'll make it out one day. i feel like i'm the beating heart of this place, though... would wrenching me from it be... no, no. i need to leave. and i'm bringing you with me, i swear it. ♡

📁 making me soo so dizzy..... you should share them with me... for normal reasons ♡♡♡♡

🩻 you can ask me anything you want... don't even need to pull the answer out of me. just ask, and i'll tell you everything. anything you want to hear. and i hope you know that your feelings are mutual.... i always look at you and wonder what goes on behind your pretty eyes...

🧵 mmm, my goodness... you really think im deserving of it, my dear? you think i deserve your care? my love, you certainly need it more than i do...