the thing about fruit flies is that in the abstract, they live peaceful and irreproachable lives nibbling on overripe fruit and its attending microbes, but practically speaking they awaken some sort of primordial rage within me. Get off my bananas you little fucks

rip critical reading born 12,000 years ago in mesopotamia died on twitter in 2013. :( rest easy king.

my problem is if i enjoy something enough i will be nitpicking. i Will have things to say about where and how it failed. out of nothing but love straight from my heart. unfortunately this often makes me indistinguishable from a hater who has never experienced joy or kindness. such is the amateur critic's burden.

complimented a womans clear raincoat this morning and she said Well i feel like a sandwich

just found out you can do more than one thing each day. i was just doing the one

ragebaiting lemonade stand owner with one simple order

i'm literally begging people to relearn how to use earbuds and headphones. i don't wanna hear your fucking tiktok while im waiting for my flight.

feels like some of u aren't properly appreciating the fact that he sleeps in a berry patch. and he rolls over and squishes the berries into his fur. because he's so sleepy and content.

maybe people think he's an ugly dog but just to be clear he is actually a beautiful pig