Jane

I decided to get away just so I wont run into you. I had to... but you still managed to find me. What’s crazy was I knew not to go into work that night... something told me not to. I said Fck it and still went anyways. I guess you knew I would be there... you waited for a few hours & I clocked in. I walked into the room and saw you sitting looking on your phone. My heart instantly dropped & I began to speed walk to the locker room. I thought you didn’t notice me but you did. I ended up going back to my hotel room. I should’ve never went in that night. You blew up my phone I had to turn it off. I know I can’t see you or talk to you. It would kill me. I still deeply am in love with you. But I know you aren’t the one for me. It’s time for me to put an end to whatever we had going on. It was never real love on your end. Yes you might love and care for me... but it’s not what I thought it was. It’s just not fair to me. I can’t keep doing this to myself. I deserve so much better. This has been extremely difficult but for some reason I have some strength... Allah knows how you’ve drained me. He knows how pure my love was for you. He knows I don’t deserve to be depressed & manipulated. Idk what I’m even doing here in Dallas. I don’t know anything right now. I feel like a zombie most days. Liquor doesn’t even help numb me anymore. I still love you so much.

It’s been a week since I’ve made the decision to let you go. It hurts so much it’s weird I’m so hurt but numb at the same time. I had a bit to drink last night and texted you a whole novel just spilling my heart out to you.. only to block you again🤦🏻‍♀️ I kind of regretted doing that tbh but I needed to let it all of it out. I felt a lot better tho... Truth is I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving you. It scares me. I know we can’t be together anymore though.. perhaps in another life time. I still think your a beautiful soul. I love everything about you. I’ll miss your smell and your smile. Your almond shaped eyes ... your skin.. your warmth. You being able to love me so deeply and always forgiving me. I’ll miss our cuddles and sleeping next to you and waking up with the bed drenched with our sweat because I’d be glued to you. Your kisses and your hugs:( I’ll forever be in love with you. I know I’ll always try to find you in any man I decide to talk to in the future. It worries me a lot because I know I’m going to be hurting a lot of innocent people who will try to fix me and love me. I know how cold I can be... I don’t think I will love again.

If you’re seeing this add me on ig: janekiitty