slip away.

“It’s okay.” He said shrugging. It didn’t really matter anymore now that she was here and they were talking at least now he knew she hadn’t avoided him because she hated him. It gave him a beam of hope though he didn’t want to show it fearing he would look too needy. “I mean…. I’m kind of fucked up too so I wouldn’t mind it. I enjoyed my time with you still and I think you’re fine.” Sure he could smell the alcohol but it wasn’t anything new for the bartender. “We could start over maybe? Get to know each other better?” 

Noah stared at her shaking his head. “Why would I be mad at you?” He asked though it was a bit of a lie. He did get upset but he didn’t want to look or sound like a loser for whining. He tried to keep Cyrek’s words close to him. It was normal for people to just up and leave after a lay. He didn’t want to make it too personal. It made him feel better that she asked though and he gave her a smile. “I thought you didn’t want anything to do with me. I was debating whether to call first or not but I chickened out.” He said with a chuckle. 

Noah smiled and started to shake his head. “I asked if you were hurt. Not the phone. Are you?” He couldn’t read her expression but it still made him blush. He never really knew how to function around the people he liked or who had seen him in his most vulnerable state. At least physically. He could still remember everything but he doubted the feeling was mutual. “All good. The bar is running well and I’ve been…. Decorating for Halloween.” He said smiling. “How is it going with you?”

Noah felt redness on his face when he realized who he had bumped into. He had been waiting for her to text but she never did. To be fair he never had the courage to contact her either too scared of hearing static line from the other side. Their night had ended on an awkward note though he had found himself wondering if he would ever see her again. He almost kneeled down himself to help her pick her phone but she beat him to it. She didn’t seem comfortable so maybe he needed to keep his distance. Still he couldn’t help the little smile on his lips. “Hi. Really sorry for that.” He said not sure what else to say after. “Are you….. Um. Are you sure you’re not hurt?” He asked. 

Because you never called to tell me. “I didn’t hear anything for a long time. When you contacted me again, it was a couple of cryptic messages then I found out I was blocked. I figured you had moved somewhere else, and I was tired of playing the waiting game over and over again when my life was also in shambles. I’ve done that for years, we’ve done that for years. I deserved to try and move on, to have my own space just like when you needed yours.” Heather sighed when Jane continued to follow her, trying to alter her coarse words into white noise in the background. She stood next to her bike, taking its helmet into her clinch and looking up at her. “Are you done?” She asked. “Satisfied? Anything that you say won’t change anything, I have made my decisions that I’m absolutely fucking certain of and I’m sticking with them. You’re only wasting your breath following me around. If you want to talk, then maybe find another time and try doing that without shouting at me or shoving me. I really have to go now. Her shift is almost over and we gotta head back home before it gets too late.” She strapped on her helmet then revved the engine, “take care of yourself, really.” She mumbled, beginning to drive away.

“I don’t know, and now I probably will never be able to find out because I made it awkward.”

“I’m not trying to complicate shit. You asked where I went, and I fucking explained the best I could.” This wasn’t going anywhere but south, anything that she spewed would likely sound wrong, would likely make Jane feel even worse and so she kept her teeth and tongue caged for a moment; staring at her when she went off, taking jabs at her mental recovery. “You don’t get to say that. You have no idea how many times I had to fucking get myself back on my fucking feet and the hell I had to go through to get myself here. I didn’t spend years struggling and fighting on my own against my own head to just fucking breathe through another day without crushing every part of body or wanting to choke on every pill that I had until I fucking combusted only for you to say I hadn’t done anything. I have, I am. I’m not healed but I’m fucking trying.” Readjusting her wrinkled shirt, scowl painted over her face as she grit her teeth, attempting to deliquesce the agonizing fire in her chest. She wanted to break something, let adrenaline run through her knuckles until she bled, but instead she shut her eyes; letting fragments of what, who, was waiting outside smear over her mind, wavering her down. “I have to go. She’s waiting for me.” Heather turned to look at the bartender. “Please. Don’t give her any more than what she just had.” Grabbing her bag and slinging it over her shoulders, she began to saunter past the brunette. “Goodnight, Jane.” 

The shove barely made her budge, although it caused her entire torso to tense up in alarm and nerves, fingernails graving into flesh to distract her brain from chalking Jane as someone who was attempting to tear her limbs apart and her own body from lashing out in self-defense. She had known Jane’s tendency to get quite physical during an argument, and perhaps Heather had opened the dam by spewing her remark, but still, the display catapulted all the memories she’d tried to bury and lock forever in her mental closet, all the shoving and shouting and blaming. Her childhood fear glimpsed for a second in her eyes but she tried to steel herself, to not look at the other girl’s moving shoulder and wonder if breaking it would make her stop, please stop. Walk away,. it’s Jane, don’t fucking hurt her. Walk away, you have a family waiting for you. “My wife,” she murmured, darting her gaze up to meet hers, firm when she spoke her next words. “She’s my wife, I married her.” She inhaled, her sternum bursting into fire. “You wanna know where I went?! A week after you left I was just here, in this bar, lying face-down on the floor and choking on my own fucking blood because I never got to hear anything from you or Nita, or anyone. Because all hell broke loose at the shack and my name was stained red and I ended up being everybody’s fucking laughing stock and I kept that shit, kept myself caged because I was an idiot who didn’t know how to deal with my fucking pain or let people in again until it all fucking destroyed me from the inside! I was in my worst state and nobody knew, I couldn’t reach out to anyone, until I found some people, by luck, I guess, or by fucking fate– whatever, and her, and started trying to fucking pick myself up again, bit by bit. There. That’s where I went. How come,” she grit her teeth, voice wavering, “how come everyone gets to leave and heal and I keep getting fucking shouted at for trying to do the exact same thing?” Heather remained on the floor after Jane left, one hand on her chest, anxiety gnawing close - she let herself calm down for a bit, pushing herself up seconds after. Her skin felt ablaze still when she walked out, a weight in her throat that she couldn’t scratch off, until she spotted Jane again, ordering a drink. She shut her eyes for a second, head aching. “Jane–don’t.” 

“Okay.” William said a little too giddily. He was too naive for his own good and trusted people easy. He was just hoping he wouldn’t get tricked or jumped by the end of the day. He just wanted to see his brother again. Maybe get to know who she was considering that seemed to hold secrets or at least get to know how she met him in the first place. “Sure. I don’t mind.” He said in response of buying her a drink. “So… Are you two friends or something?”

William smiled. Finally his search was over. He had missed his brother so much. It had been such a long time and he was excited at the prospect of catching up with him. “Not at all. We know each other well. We were in the same orphanage together.” He explained to the girl. She looked nice to him if not a little reluctant. “Could you take me there?” He asked hoping it would not be too troubling for her. “I’ll buy you a drink if you want.” He added politely.