☾ astronaut ☽

never let it be said that you didn't like being an idol.

you love how you bring smiles to fans and how your parents talk about you with pride, you especially love the second family you found within your members

you love bts, perhaps more than anything else

although you receive a great amount of love from those around you, the anxiety to live up to those standards accompanies you like a shadow

that brings you to here: your computer light illuminating your face and graham cracker crust on your lips at an hour you should definitely not be up at, staring at one tiny little button that could change your life (you like being dramatic)

now, you have performed on more stages than you can count; given plenty of interviews and have embarrassed yourself a multitude of times in front of millions of people

nothing compares to the nerves you feel as your cursor hovers over the tiny blue button that glares back at you mockingly

'ENROLL'

who knew that one word could be so scary?

never let it be said that you didn't like making people proud, either.

you hit the button and slam your laptop closed, trying not to wake up your groupmates as you muffle a scream into your pillow

you really should've slept like namjoon told you to hours ago

~*~

you were being weird, and the maknaes could practically smell it

on one occasion they actually did. you smelled like you hadn't taken a shower in four days and you definitely looked like it too. was the extended break the company had given bts getting to you?

on your side, you were determined to keep the college classes you signed up for in the degen hours a secret, but damn. your professors made it really hard when they all decided to collectively assign three papers and a test at once

it had been roughly a month since they've started, and you wanted to die

idol training? a piece of cake compared to whatever fresh hell your professors conjured up. did they like torturing you?

what they said in their comments on your past assignments pointed to a boldly printed, neon colored: 'YES'

as you started to drink your fourth coffee of the day, trying to stay coherent enough even though it was only one pm in the afternoon, the maknaes decided to confront you about... whatever has happening to you

jungkook slid inconspicuously into the seat next to you at the dining table and blinked at you with those damn doe eyes

"so... whatcha up too?"

you almost snort your coffee in his face.

jimin, taehyung, and jungkook all look at each other worriedly

"do you need to see a therapist y/n? we know being on break for the first time in a while can be hard, but you really don't look too good." jimin says like the sweetheart he is

before you can reply, a ding from your phone grabs your attention and you look at it only to see the new gut-wrenching comment your writing teacher made on your 'side-effects of the fame of idol life' paper

'i like the enthusiasm, but you almost seem to be invested to the point of being pushy. stop that.'

you whine and slowly lower your head to the table in a dull 'thump'

teahyung sends a text to the group therapist

~*~

it has been about six months since you have started to take online classes, and you like to think that you have gotten marginally better at covering up the lack of sleep and the effect the comments your professors (which honestly, they must be out to get you personally) have on you

your schedule had been resuming as normal starting a few weeks ago and you already missed the blessed days of nothing to worry about except the brutality of college

as you go to put on concealer, you find the bottle suspiciously empty. have the maknaes used your makeup again? (you refuse to believe that you had used the whole bottle that you had only bought two weeks ago)

as you slink into yoongi's room, looking just as tired as you feel, to steal some of his makeup (which will eventually send him into stealing jin's and then from jin to jimin and so on until namjoon has enough and forces you all to get your shit together), he is typing something on his phone with his back to you

"yoongi-ah, i need to makeup"

then he turns around and startles because why do you look like that

yes, why indeed

"you look terrible"

you stare blankly at him and then turn on your heels, "ok, thank you. bye."

he sighs at the ever-persistent pain-in-his-ass that is you and turns you around, genuine worry in his eyes; asking silent questions and giving soft reassurances in case there was anything you needed to get off your chest

you almost tear up because how did you become so lucky

you haven't had your first coffee yet and you get sensitive and squishy when you're tired

once again, you question why you decided to put yourself through this

why do people pay to go through a personalized hell of their own making?

anyways

apparently, you get all broody without sleep as well

you realize you have been staring at yoongi for a few minutes without saying anything, looking like you have no thoughts, head empty

hoseok bursts into the room with all the decorum of a cracked-up butterfly and announces that breakfast is ready

he looks at you and does a double take

"woah."

your forehead meets your palm

yoongi sighs and drags hobi out of the room, "two shots of expresso?"

"add three" you say miserably

another therapist visit you have earned, you realize, as you get the notification that yoongi added it to your calendar

~*~

you skip into dance practice with a beaming smile on your face and practically throw yourself onto hoseok, and because he's hoseok he catches you and twirls you around

for the first time since starting your courses, your excited demeanor isn't caused by enough expresso to kill a small hippo

it's your one-year anniversary! you are halfway there to your degree!

you thank the god that is your mother for forcing you to take all those fancy advanced classes when you were in high school

the urge to actually scream "yippee!" like a cartoon character is surprisingly overwhelming and who are you to deny yourself?

"yippee!"

and because the guys are endlessly supportive, they chime into whatever you're celebrating without even knowing what the hell they are congratulating you for

they have long since gotten used to your strange habits and have learned to play along

i mean, what the hell, right? supporting you in whatever crazed manic episode that has been ongoing for the past 12 months is the least they can do for you

(your therapist said to be supportive)

god decided to give you a call and you answer it without hesitation while still being awkwardly held up by hobi. "hi, mom"

you pat his back to let you down, give him a fist bump, and then leave the room exactly like you came in it

"did she have her mom's contact as god?"

~*~

you, like the past year and half, feel like crying.

it's about that time when you have to start your senior project as an 'accelerated student'

whatever that means

you basically have to come up with a thesis and write a paper on it pertaining to your major, in which usually you would get two years to do

like an idiot, you have six months because you didn't start it when you first started classes

(you would like to see someone else try to balance college and being a world-wide famous idol, okay?)

so, here you are at one am, holding a bottle of apple juice to sooth your inner child, and some flavor blasted goldfish, trying not to cry your eyes out over the blank document that you have been staring at for over ten minutes

you take a deep breath, put your apple juice down, rub you hands together, smack your face, and then force yourself to write down something, anything

'music'

that's how far you get before your phone rings, and because luck is never on your side, you see namjoon's contact who is probably going to tell you to go to bed for the third time

you answer and before he even says anything, your eye's tear up

"joonie..." you whisper, sounding all too much like the sleep deprived child you are

because he is essentially your father, he picks up on it immediately

"y/n-ah," he sighs, because this has become a common occurrence, "what do you need help with?"

"everything," you blubber miserably

so, namjoon stays on the phone with you until four am (even though he is literally down the hall, but he is 'too cozy to move'), helping you come up with a draft thesis statement and introduction you were supposed to turn into your teacher a year ago, and because he is the best person ever! (you change that to his contact) he doesn't ask why you need help writing a thesis, as they know you won't tell them what you've been doing

you both walk into the kitchen the next morning looking, and feeling, like sacks of shit

"uhm." is the eloquent response jimin gives to the look the both of you have on your faces

jin wordlessly hands you both coffee with too much expresso and kisses your foreheads because he is amazing and he hopes it will hold you two together until at least the meeting with the staff is over

you and namjoon's phones go off with a ding! at the same time, and you both have matching therapy appointments

yay! the lunacy is spreading!

~*~

you are in the home stretch

you can smell it, feel it, even fucking taste it

and as you hover over the finally for-the-love-of-god-get-this-paper-out-of-my-fucking-face-thesis submit button, you countdown to yourself like an astronaut about to take off

"three, two, one..." you take a deep breathe, "lift off!" you hit the button

as soon as it says upload complete, you cry tears of joy

victory has never tasted so fucking sweet in your life (although maybe that was the cosmic brownie you had a few minutes ago)

~*~

within the next week, you talk to management about letting the boys attend your graduation ceremony and of course management says yes (they knew you were taking classes, even though you didn't tell them. talk about scary corporate companies knowing your every move)

and when the day arrives when you finally get your diploma, you are more nervous than you've been since your debut

the boys are a big reason why you've decided to pursue your education, and even if they didn't know it, you wouldn't have been able to make it without them

you aren't one to be sentimental, but you kinda want to cry at just how much you feel

you made it. achieved one of your dreams, not only for you, but for them.

you take a deep breath and you let the sense of fulfillment take over your heart and you let it sit there

your phone goes off, and it's the management telling you that the graduation event is ready, and that in kahoots with the online school you attended, they are ready to have the ceremony

"ok boys! time to roll out!" you scream, even though they have all sitting in the living room ready for thirty minutes because you made sure they would be ready by the time you had to go

"y/n, can you please tell us where we are going?" teahyung asks as he links arms with you

"nope!" you chirp, and because you are mean you add, "it's a surprise!"

jungkook comes up to link his other arm in yours, "does this have anything to with how you've been acting for a while?"

damn, he really is the golden maknae

you are suspiciously silent and everyone is suddenly weary of where you are taking them

you weren't going to murder them in a fit of hysteria, right?

but looking at your smiling and blushing face, they all can't help but smile with you and trust

the ride to the venue is only about fifteen minutes and you can't help but be excited and talk animatedly with your members

you almost spill the beans about where you're going but manage to not give too much away (barely, you kind of think the franticness is due to caffeine withdrawal)

before you know it, the eight of you are pulling up into the parking lot and the others look out with perplexed frowns on their faces

you look at them with a smile, "you trust me, yeah?"

they look to you and grin, "always."

you all walk in and when you get inside the venue hallways, you split from the group and manager sejin (just barely) corrals the boys forward without you

you run to get ready and put on your cap and gown, and you have to take another deep breath when you look at yourself in the mirror, because wow. if you knew a graduation gown would look this good you would have graduated college a long time ago

(you only just manage to keep the tears from ruining your makeup)

when the boys enter into a private room and see all of the other people sitting down in the stadium seats, their first thought is that you are holding some sort of surprise concert or something. they honestly don't have any idea what you are going to do, and they joke about how you are going to perform a magic show or some other equally ludicrous event

the lights dim and all of their attention is on the empty chairs sitting in the middle of the auditorium, and then all of a sudden a spotlight shines onto the graduates who walk in from the side entrance

speakers start to blast the school anthem (not that they know that) as the graduates make their way to their seats and boys gasp when they see you on the big screen

"is that-?"

"no fucking way."

"what is she doing?"

because there you are, flashing a peace sign and sticking your tongue out to the camera man who's broadcasting it to the big screen, walking to your designated chair

you will always and forever be a dork

they all laugh incredulously and can't help but have to sit down in shock

none of them can speak as the principal of the school introduces the class of 2023 graduates. he goes through what the school stands for and blah blah blah

when the time finally comes where you have to line up and get your diploma's, namjoon, hoseok, seokjin, and jungkook are crying, yoongi hides his smile behind his hands, and teahyung and jimin has ceased to function as they watch on, barely able to breathe

they all hold their breath as you finally walk up on to the stage and shake the principals hand

"y/n l/n, 2023 graduate with a degree in the arts of music writing and production"

the boys have never cheered so loudly in their life, and you swore you could hear them from your spot up on stage

you smile so big and wide and take a second to stand on the stage and bow, and the boys who weren't crying before definitely are now

its all a blur as you make it off of the stage and ushered into the private room the boys are in. you don't even make it three steps in before you are surrounded on all sides

"i can't believe you did this."

"y/n, you're amazing."

"i knew you weren't just going crazy."

there are voices all around you. some are laughing, some are praising you, all are crying

jin pulls you from the group in a hug that lifts your feet off the floor, "is this why you manhandled me into making you so much food the last few days?"

you laugh and whip at your eyes, "yeah, i wanted to have a good dinner when we got home" he sets you down and pulls you into his side with an arm around your shoulder

"i am so, so proud of you." he whispers into your hair

taehyung comes up on your other side and hugs you around the waist, "we all are"

your eyes tear up and before you know it you are wailing like a baby again

"i love you guys more than anything in the world," you whine out, a blubbering mess

they all smile and make fun of you, and there is nothing that can beat the feeling that wells up in your chest

never let it be said you don't like making people proud

later, a horrendously ugly photo of you crying with the guys all around you is uploaded to all of your social medias and your face is made into a meme, but, hey, you made it out alive, and that's all that mattered

(even if you did have to see a therapist)

[end]

a/n: what better way to jumpscare ya'll with an update other than with crack? but in all seriousness, i am so so so sorry this was so late anon! you've waited literal years, and i would write an ao3-usque excuse but i don't even deserve it ;( as always, i hope you guys have an amazing week, and i love you bunches (please imagine that in a skrunkly old grandma voice) ♡♡♡

masterlist!

The boys watch the stage in astonishment. The dance you just preformed... wow. That’s all they could say as they watch you preform your new solo song for the first time.

Your solos were usually more on the cute or girl crush side. This is the first time they’ve ever seen you do sexy, at least as your solo concept.

They have to say, your personality is almost a 180 from that kind of concept in general. You grew up around three older brothers and very protective parents, of course because of that, you grew up to be the type of person who has a rather innocent mind, and you were shyer than most. Not that they ever complained about it, you were very fun to tease and coddle.

But others... other people are what they had to protect you from. You are too kind and shy for your own good sometimes, and because you don’t know of the more negative intentions people can have, you are an easy target. So, when they walk backstage to greet you and give you all the compliments in the world, the scene they find has them gearing up for a fight.

~**~

You are nervous. Probably more nervous than you’ve ever been since your actual debut in Bangtan.

The comeback song you produced and the dance to go along with it were so very different than anything you’ve done before, and you honestly don’t know how the public will receive it. More importantly, you don’t know how the boys will perceive it.

“Five minutes till you’re on Y/N!” a stagehand says, and you nod and smile at him sweetly. “Thank you!”

You look at yourself in the floor length mirror in your dressing room. You wear a black top that only stops a few inches below your chest and black shorts and boots. Even this outfit... you aren't uncomfortable, but this was definitely something different than what you were used to.

You take a deep breath and shake out your hands. “You got this Y/N.” You give yourself a small smile in the mirror. “Here we go.”

It is only a few seconds after you give yourself a pep talk before the same stagehand knocks on your door and peaks in, “Time’s up.” You give him another dazzling smile. “Ok, here we go.”

You follow him out with a blanket around your shoulders as it was a bit cold, and as you get ready to go on, the stagehand reaches under the blanket and rubs your arms.

You jump in surprise because you aren't expecting the contact and you are honestly a bit uncomfortable. When you are about to ask why he did that, the stagehand whispers in your ear, “You looked cold, so I was trying to warm you up a little.”

Oh, you sigh in relief. He must have seen the boys do that to comfort you. He was only trying to help. Right?

You look back and shrug the blanket off, handing it to him. “Thank you for being considerate.” You smile at him and walk onto the stage, taking a deep breath and waiting for the music to start.

The metronome starts in your earpiece as the songs first notes play, and you're off.

~**~

Once the lights dim and the last notes pump out of the speakers, you are panting and have a smile on your face. The performance went way better than you thought it would and you couldn’t wait to see the reaction on the guys faces, both here and the ones watching at home.

You beam as the audience starts clapping and then make your way back to backstage. You are given a tiny round of applause from the backstage staff, and you bow and thank them. A staff member hands you a water bottle and you talk with her for a few seconds before heading back to your dressing room.

You sigh happily and squeal in excitement. Even though you are tired from the performance, it just went so well that you have energy from how proud you are.

As you hear the door open, you think it's the boys and turn around with a big smile, but then find out it was the stagehand from earlier. You get a little shy and tone down your excitement.

[warning: harassment section, skip to the [-] for the end of scene]

You wrap your arms around yourself as he closes the door behind him and steps closer to you. “I just wanted to congratulate you personally, your performance was really good. And the way your body moved…”

You blush red and wrap your arms tighter around yourself, wishing you had something to cover up your exposed skin as he looks at you. “A-ah, thank you.” You bow to him.

As you turn upright though, your eyes widen at the man's closeness. He is now right in front of you, and you move back until you hit the wall. You don't even know his name. You would say something, but it seems like the words get caught in your throat and you don't want to be rude when he only wants to congratulate you, but you are getting uncomfortable.

He smirks at your blushing face and starts rubbing your arms like he did right before you went onstage. He starts to lean closer, his grip tight when your dressing room door opens again.

[-]

“Y/n! You-" the words get caught in Hoseok's throat as the boys take all of three seconds to take in the scene in front of them.

You immediately turn your head in their direction and anger boils just below the surface when you look on the verge of tears and obviously very uncomfortable.

"What the hell are you doing?" Yoongi asks, walking further in the room. The stagehand has yet to let you go and instead looks from you to the group with innocent eyes.

"I was just congratulating Y/n on her good performance. Isn't that right?"

You open your mouth, but no words came out. The guys can obviously see the distress you are under. Namjoon is the one who speaks up next,

“Let. Her. Go.”

At the combined force of the Bangtan boys and the scary aura that the leader sends his way (not to mention that Jungkook looks about three seconds from punching his face), the stagehand backs down and finally lets you go.

You immediately feel like you can breathe better and step around the stagehand and into the protective arms of Jimin, who is closest. He pulls you into his chest and turns your body so the stagehand can’t see you.

"You have three seconds to leave this room before I make you." Seokjin says, his voice deep and his anger running deeper.

That spurs the man into action, and he books it out of the suffocating atmosphere. “You got his name, right?” Yoongi says through gritted teeth.

“Yeah, I did. I hope he’s prepared to be jobless.” Hoseok says and stalks out of the room, Namjoon and Yoongi close behind him.

As the door clicks closed, signaling their exit, you look up with a frown. “Wait. I’m ok, it wasn’t-“

Jimin doesn’t let you finish the sentence as he puts his hands on your shoulders, “Y/n, do not defend him.”

“But-“

Jungkook steps up beside Jimin and makes sure you are looking at him. “Y/n, did you invite him in here?”

“No. But-“

“Did he make you uncomfortable?”

You look to the ground, “…Yes.”

Taehyung, who has been quiet until now, is finally calm enough to speak, “Y/n, don't make excuses for him. I know you look for the good in people, and we love you for that, but some assholes don’t deserve it. Especially if they try to take advantage of you. Not everyone has good intentions.”

When he puts it like that… You close your eyes and the urge to cry is strong. The boys sense it, and they soften their demeanor. Seokjin puts his hand on your head to bring your attention to him, and he smiles sweetly, something that had you sniffing quietly.

“Your performance was really good sweets. The best one yet.” He redirects the conversation and you are grateful for him.

“..R-Really?” Jimin hums and moves to put his arm around your shoulder as Jungkook put in his two-sense about your latest solo.

“Yeah! I was totally captivated the whole time. And don't tell hyungs this but," he leans in closer like he is divulging some big secret, "you're the best producer out of all of us."

The comment makes you laugh and cheers you up a little. You snake your arm around Jimin's waist, "I wish!" With one last sniff in, your throat clears, and you feel like you can breathe without choking on tears.

Jimin squeezes your shoulder and lays his head on your head, a warmth you welcome gladly, and one you recognize as a comforting gesture. "I can't wait to see the reaction of your bothers." He says teasingly.

Taehyung laughs, "I can't wait to see the reaction of your dad."

At the mention of the overprotective men in your life, you blush and struggle not to hide your face in your hands and groan. You'll get an earful for sure, but you know it will be all jokes. Your family is very proud how far you've come.

Still... you wouldn't put it past them to put you under house arrest.

You instead opt to lightly elbow Jimin off of you and go to hide behind Seokjin. "Make them stop teasing me." You whine while putting your arms around him in a back hug.

"Aish, you kids." He laughs and shakes his head.

As Taehyung is about to say something else that would no-doubtfully be teasing, the door opens back up again and the three that left earlier join them once again.

The air becomes a bit tense and as you turn around to ask Namjoon what happened with the stagehand, he just shakes his head and sighs. "We'll talk about it later. Right now, you deserve all the compliments in the world." He smiles at the end of his sentence you don't stop the urge to poke his dimples.

You hug him, "Thank you, Joonie."

Yoongi speaks up next and pulls you into a hug and kisses your forehead; something that makes you giggle. "Seriously, the song was really well done. Who taught you to produce like that?"

You laugh again at Hoseok's pout at being the only one not to get a hug and decide to indulge him. “I learned from the best.” Hoseok rocked you back and forth in the hug, holding you tight.

“I say we go for ice cream.” Seokjin suddenly says, making you and the maknaes perk up.

“Ice cream!” Jungkook yells like the five-year-old he is. Taehyung puts his hand in the air because he’s an enabler. “Yeah!”

You are the next one to put your hand up and agree, and that only leaves Jimin as the four of you plus Jin turn to the older ones and use your combined maknae power that has them sighing within the first few seconds.

“You know we can’t resist you.” Hoseok says teasingly and goes to tickle your stomach. You laugh and the others smile at you with adoration.

They will definitely have to talk about what happened and make sure you are really alright, but right now, you deserve to indulge yourself and bask in a job well done. They seriously love you for your pure and innocent heart, and they will make sure they keep you that way for as long as they can.

Your protectors.

[end]

a/n: in no way am i romanticizing harassment, and it is not my intention to link innocence with this kind of behavior. i read the prompt given and this is where my brain took it. anonie, if it makes you feel uncomfortable, or any of my readers for that matter, don't feel afraid to message me and i will take it down!

(this is me making my annual rounds and posting then hobbling back into where i crawled out of lmao)

masterlist