Loretta’s Birth
About a week before the due date, Sadie said to me, “I’m over it.” Relentless heartburn, and frequent trips to the bathroom were making her sleep awful, and thus the final weeks of pregnancy unbearable.
I woke up at about 6:30 Friday morning. Sadie reported that she had been up for about an hour with fluid leaking out of her. In retrospect, its very clear that her water broke, but at the time we weren’t sure as it wasn’t the gush of fluid it’s made out to be in the movies.
We called the hospital, and they said to come in to check things out. Knowing that we might not come home for a few days, we grabbed our packed bags, took a shower, and made the 7 minute drive to Oakland Kaiser.
We went to Triage 1, a small room where we were met by a doctor with a speculum to check out Sadie in a way reminiscent of medieval torture. Sadie was obviously in pain, so she made a call for a smaller speculum. We waited for about an hour, watched an episode of Hoarders, and finally another doctor came in. We still weren’t sure what was going on, but the new doctor also made a call for a smaller speculum. Sadie got up to pee, and had clearly been sitting in a puddle of fluid. At that point, the speculum was unnecessary. Sadie’s water had clearly broken, so we were encouraged to stay at the hospital, and take some drugs to induce contractions. Apparently there was a small increase in risk of infection if we were to go home and wait.
We then moved to room 333, which was pretty large and comfortable. It was pretty much a two star hotel room with enough medical electronics to make you wonder about all the possible scenarios in which various machines are made necessary. The nursing staff presented the information like a well-oiled machine. Everyone we came into contact with had clearly been through it all a thousand times, but despite their obvious experience, were not jaded to the miracle of birth. We were met with smiles and warm wishes from nearly everyone we came into contact with.
Sadie was hooked up to and IV and given misoprostal. She quickly went from saying things like ”I think I just had a contraction,” to being in so much pain that she turned completely inward. Her breathing changed, her eyes closed, and in general she looked like she was begging the lord for mercy. It was gnar. As wavesof pain dominated her consciousness, I alternated between holding her hand and stroking her arm, fully aware I was doing nothing.
At this point, we turned off the the tv, and Sadie started talking about an epidural. It quickly went from ”I think I’d like one, but I want to hold off for as long as I can” to ”Give me an epidural please.”
I was always curious about how Sadie would be in birth. She’s one of the most kind and generous people I‘ve come across—consistently hesitant to demand much of anyone. Sadie is the opposite of a squeaky wheel, but child birth would surely bring out a more demanding side of her, right? Well, not really, she was polite and calm even in some of the most intense moments.
Epidurals are incredible! In minutes she was dozing off with an oxygen mask over her face. I took the time to email some clients with my ”I’m going to be out for a while,” notice, and update our family text message groups about what was going on.
This went on for a while. A new nurse came in named Anne, and she said we ought to sleep while we can. I braced myself for a long night, and took a nap on the built-for-normal-sized-people vinyl couch. When I woke up, things weren’t much different.
My mom and pop were in the waiting area, and I forwarded the message from the nurse that it was going to be a long while, and that they might as well go home. My mom decided to stay.
Soon after I went back in to room 333, Dr. Rounds came in to check Sadie’s cervix for the first time. She’s a very smiley doctor, and I watched with amazement as she happily put on a glove, covered her fingers in lubricant, and nonchalantly inserted finger into Sadie. She removed a hand dripping in blood and tissue, and gleefully said, ”You’re at about three centimeters!” It was a startling juxtaposition I will not soon forget. She walked over to the trash and threw the dripping glove in the hazardous waste.
One particular scary moment came when Sadie shifted to her right side. I was texting the family, updating them on the timeline, when all of a sudden three doctors were in the room. I had no clue what was going on, but no one seemed to be freaking out. Later, a doctor asked Sadie, “Are you the type of person that wants all of the information, or just a little information?” Sadie asked for all of it, and we then learned that Loretta’s heartrate had dropped significantly for about a minute and a half. If it goes to three minutes, they transport Sadie to the operation room for an emergency c-section. Luckily, after switcher her to her left side, the heart rate came back so all was well. I was just amazed at how little time it took to have 3 more doctors in our room.
Nurse Anne told us that it could take 1-2 hours per centimeter, and we had 7 to go. Sadie was then given a tiny dose of oxytocin, another contraction inducing medication. In about an hour, Sadie’s intense contractions were so frequent, that Anne thought we might be getting close. I was completely shocked when an hour later Anne began prepping the room. She checked Sadie, and her cervix had dilated all the way to 10. It was go time.
One by one, more doctors and nurses entered the room. Even a trainee that was ok’d by Sadie was hanging out. Watching their flurry of activity was incredible. I was comforted by the fact that every one in the room seemed to be going through the motions like it was muscle memory. They meticulously laid out all the instruments and blankets, and wheeled a cart to the front of Sadie’s bed. Sadie turned on her right side, and I held her ankle with my left hand and widened her hips by holding her knee with my right hand. Sadie felt a contraction coming on, and then she pushed.
That’s when I saw Loretta’s little purple head for the first time. It was GNARLY, but in all honesty, I thought there was no possible way that anything was going to come out of an orifice that small.
With each contraction, there were three pushes, and with each push, I got to see more of Loretta’s little head as I enthusiastically cheered on mama. Sadie wasn’t screaming or crying. It was a facial expression that was new to me for sure, but at no point in the process did I feel like she was going to rip my head off or curse me for what I had done to her.
The doctor said, ”Ok you’re going to push until I tell you not to push anymore.” Then Loretta’s whole head came out, and the doctor said, ”Don’t push!” Then Loretta’s entire body emerged covered in a light yellow paste and some blood. The plastic liner Sadie was sitting on was completely submerged in a puddle, they handed Loretta to Sadie, I cut the cord, and the doctor began stitching Sadie’s second degree laceration. I was overjoyed, but I was also thinking, “Is this a normal amount of blood?” Turn out it was totally normal.
The next fifteen minutes were spent alternating between telling Sadie I love her and what a good job she did, kissing Loretta and telling her I love her, thanking the nursing staff, and talking about how beautiful Loretta was.
We were moved to room 368, which was set up like a hotel room with a crib. I had the same vinyl couch to sleep on, but this time it was sandwiched between two walls so there was no room for my feet to hang off. Never have I felt less likely to complain.
Sadie was walked to the bathroom by nurse Sherry, a woman with swaddling skills so refined, it was a thing of beauty to see her in action. In seconds, Loretta would be rolled up like a little Vienna sausage and sleeping contently. We made it through our first night as a family without much fuss. Loretta was even latching right away.
The second day wasn’t too bad, but I was slightly disappointed to learn they wanted us to stay another night. Family visited, Loretta got the necessary shots and treatments, and whenever we needed anything, a competent nurse was seconds away. I took an amazingly refreshing shower, and settled in for night two, which was supposed to be much harder than night one.
Indeed that was true. Loretta was much fussier than before, and Sadie took the brunt of it. The hours trickled by, and I dreamed of sleeping in our bed and showering at home.
Finally, it was time to go, but Sadie was exhausted and still sleeping. Loretta was also catching up on some rest, so I let the girls snooze while I packed the car and got the discharge medications. Nothing makes you feel like a dad more than packing a car.
Driving home felt like true freedom. I had two perfectly healthy ladies with me, the Avalon was running like a top, and the Oakland sun was shining bright during our 7 minute drive home.
I still don’t feel like I’m fully into fatherhood, but sometimes just catching my own reflection in a mirror while I’m carrying a carseat, or holding a sleeping Loretta on my chest makes me feel a step closer. Sadie had nine months of a quality time to brace herself for motherhood, but fathers don’t have that, and experience fewer of the chemical and hormonal changes. I’m giving myself time now to excel in my janitorial duties and focus on spending quality time with my girls.
All of our new responsibilities make me think about what bullshit I can cut out of my life to make a little room for Loretta. It’s tough to even find pockets of time to write stuff like this, but I hope I can continue.









