𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝔡𝔦𝔰𝔱𝔞𝔫𝔠𝔢

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Scarlett had been what some pregnant women call “nesting” whether it was baking food, preparing the nursery, she was making sure all her ducks were in a row before the baby got here. And that included ordering whatever she saw offline, causing her to check her mailbox more often than usual. Mostly Dom would just bring the items up for her when he got home from work but being that she was up to nothing she decided it wouldn’t hurt to get them herself. As she checked for tucked packages and gathered the boxes that seemed to stack above her small stature all you could see was belly, her head disappearing. When she heard the oh so familiar voice she felt as though the boxes would fall from her grasp, and as luck would have it- they did causing her shocked expression to meet an equally shocked one of a face she knew all to well. “Jamie.” she breathed. Her mouth felt dry like the desert a small bead of sweat found her brow. It seemed like forever and a day yet no time at all since they saw one another. “Uh yeah. I decided it worked yano.. just less up keep.” she didn’t even know what she was saying at this point. “You-uh. You look good. And uhm he’s due in about a month.” she said wondering if his question even still applied. 

Jamie was lucky that Scarlett was looked more surprised than he had. Though his features were washed faint and pale, she’d certainly taken the cake when it came to being startled. Jameson immediately bent down and began gathering her disarrayed boxes so she wouldn’t have to bend over her belly. It also gave him a moment to breathe away from their conversation. As he handed back the boxes, he tried his best to fix a smile. “Looks good, yeah. We’re about the same length now, yeah?” Jameson laughed softly as he ran his fingers through his long brown hair that had grown significantly since the last time he’d seen her. “Thanks, doll.” He tried to maintain his smile and keep his eyes up on hers but his chocolate orbs couldn’t help but fall to her belly. Wasn’t this supposed to be their future? It was certainly what he’d imagined for them but Scar always had a different plan which seemed to be the reason they parted to begin with. “He’s a good guy?” Jamie asked. “Your boyfriend, I mean. Not the.. kid. Boyfriend? Husband? Whatever, he a good dude? He treats you right?”

There was no better way to get to meet new people in a small town then by going to a bar. At first it would most definitely be an awkward scene for Spencer, but in the past week or so that he had kept going out to bars and clubs each night he made quite a few people. Tonight though was his first time coming here. He didn’t have much to say about the place except that they really loved to infuse their drinks with as much liquor as they could get away with. He was feeling his drink already and it had only been his 5th. His head turned towards some guy to his left who had just nudged his arm. “Are you on drugs?” Was all that Spencer could make out. He smirked looking at the guy besides him. The joke had been as dry as the Spencer’s sex life. 

The man’s question had been blunt and to the point. For anyone who knew Jameson would have known that answer was undoubtably yes. After all, that was his trade.  “Usually,” The man laughed. “Why do you want some?” He asked half-jokingly though had it been a serious inquiry he would have acted accordingly.  Jamie waved down the bartender and ordered a vodka soda, sipping on the straw as soon as it was placed in front of him. “What makes you figure I’m on drugs anyways and what kind do you figure?”

Sonny didn’t know what he was doing, not really, but he figured he may as well reach out to Jameson. It had been a while, far too long, and he felt guilty not talking to the other for so long, but since he’d gotten married and taken on the full-time role of dad, he’d been trying to distance himself. With only the dad thing being in effect now, as well as the stress of living with his parents again, he needed a break and Jameson seemed like the best person to go to. “Sorry for coming over without warning, man,” He said with a little laugh, shrugging his shoulders. “I’m good, man, thanks. How are you?” Sonny was full of shit, he’d been doing terrible for a few weeks now, but he was dealing. Well, as best as he could, anyway. “Pizza and a stripper, huh? Sounds like you’re living your best life.”

“No worries, you know mi casa es su casa.” Jameson shrugged casually as he sunk onto the plush cushions of his sofa and began packing his bong again after unloading the ash into its tray. “I can’t complain. What have you been up to? How’s your little girl? You wanna hit?” Jamie asked as he offered the other the bong. “Kidding about the stripper but doesn’t sitting at cloud nine eating pizza sound good right now?” He laughed softly. “I do have a hot pie on the way do. I’m always serious when it comes to pizza if you wanna stick around for that.”

“I try my best.” Alexandria joked, letting out a small chuckle. She listened to the man explain the show before shaking her head. “No, I can’t say that I have if I am being incredibly honest, I don’t actually tend to watch that much tv.” She added with a small shrug. Between her job, attempting to have a bit of a social life, and getting enough sleep, she didn’t really have that much free time to do anything else. Although, it did sound like an interesting show, and she was surprised that she hadn’t heard about it.  “To be fair, I started explaining the joke first. So it’s really my fault that we have gotten to this point.” 

“No television? What do you do for fun then? Read books? Do witchcraft?” He asked, in genuine confusion that someone wasn’t familiar with the cartoon horse.  His free time mostly consisted of smoking, watching television and kicking back whenever he wasn’t at the shop for appointments. “It’s okay. I mean, it’s not. It’s totally your fault that the joke is no longer funny but all is forgiven.” Jamie lightly nudged her shoulder with a grin. “So are you a lawyer or something? You’re very.. thorough.”

Just looking at the other as he explained the joke, he then hummed. “Okay okay. Got it” giving him a thumbs up, Clementine chuckled and shrugged. When he heard the next words, he shook his head. “Yeah no I am not gonna fall for that one. Sorry to break it to you” he told the stranger, clasping his hands together.

“Feel free to tell me I’m a comedic genius.” Jameson nodded his head in the other’s direction, a laugh leaving his lips. It wasn’t uncommon for people to be annoyed by his antics but he was used to it by now. At the other’s reaction to his next joke, he laughed even harder. “Why not? It’s a top tier joke.”

The next two days, Parker had off from the busiest what seemed like twelve days at the hospital. She was exhausted but figured she earned herself a drink. What was a better way to start off her own weekend than stop by Joey’s have a couple drinks to unwind and clear her mind? When hearing a voice beside her speak, Parker’s glass was already to her lips, taking a sip as he told his joke. As he finished and feeling him nudge her, Parker placed her glass down, tongue quickly running over her lips to get rid the access alcohol that sat there. “Oh – I get it. I surprisingly have never heard that before.” Some sarcasm slipped around her words, offering the other a quick smile. “I always heard ‘hay is for horses’ whenever I say ‘hey’ to someone.” 

“You haven’t? I guess that makes me a comedic genius.” He playfully smirked at the other. Jameson knew he wasn’t funny but if he could make someone laugh with a cheesy joke it was certainly a victory.  “That is definitely something out parent’s generation craft,” He assured the other. “They seemed to think the casualty of the word hey is rather rude. Which I don’t get, but then again I answer the phone and say whaddup homie?” Jameson told her, holding an imaginary phone to his ear as he flexed his brows are her, awaiting to gauge her reaction.

At least the person she was talking to was someone who hopefully wouldn’t judge Avia to harshly; he was her roommate Jameson. “It really, truly breaks my heart, J. The poor woman was probably so sure that she had found the real thing when she fell in love with that chump. I hope she gets her happily ever after one day. … Just not with that piece of shit.” She looked over to him and watched how he expertly rolled the joint between his fingers and lit it up. “Have you ever looked into becoming a relationship coach? I have a feeling you would be rollin’ in dough. Some people need a wake up call!” She clapped her hands together to emphasize what she meant. “Men like that wouldn’t know what monogamy meant if you hit ‘em with an Oxford dictionary at full throttle. Can’t change people just because you want to.” The brunette rested her head against Jameson’s shoulder, eyes on the blunt. “You haven’t offered, but I can’t right now.” Avia pointed to the city hall ahead, her place of work. “Eyes everywhere, like big brother.”

“Join the club, lady. I was equally as devastated when I found out that Megan Fox got married in 2010. I spent a whole week laying in bed listening to Secondhand Serenade. Ten years later, when I think I finally have my chance when she files for divorce from Mr. 90210, Machine Gun Kelly swoops in. I know heartbreak too.” Jameson joked with a genuine smile. His relationship with his roommate was certainly a unique one but he was grateful to be sharing a space with her of all people. “I’m the plug, Av. Girls come in and out of our apartment crying about their trash boyfriends all the time. I’m a relationship coach before all else.” Jamie sparked the blunt before his lips and huffed on it as she spoke.  “Men are dogs,” He shrugged before looking around for the cameras playfully. “Lame. Gotta look out for the birds, they work for the bourgeoisie. When are you off? I’m a lonely puppy who wandered all the way here to see you.”

𝐀 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐎𝐓𝐈𝐂 𝐀𝐓𝐌𝐎𝐒𝐏𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐒𝐄𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐃 𝐓𝐎 𝐁𝐄 𝐀 𝐑𝐄𝐂𝐔𝐑𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐌𝐄 𝐀𝐓 𝐉𝐎𝐄𝐘'𝐒  — a mood often created by patrons who could barely handle their liquor ,  people who should have never been allowed to sing outside the comfort of their own homes , and those equipped with an infinite ammo of trite jokes for icebreakers . but archer wasn’t complaining ; he could begrudgingly admit that joey’s trashy charm was one of the very few things he missed from all those years away from peach hollow . but nevertheless , he couldn’t be bothered to act entertained at the joke that he had heard in so many variations before  —  more interested at the other man himself than his joke .  archer raised an eyebrow bemusedly , slightly taken aback by the energy he could only wish to possess after a long day . 

❝  i get it . just like how i got it during all the times i’ve heard that joke ,   ❞  he replied lightheartedly before he sized the other up , gaze flitting across the other’s face as he thought of what to say or do next . it definitely helped that he couldn’t deny how physically attractive the other was , otherwise he would probably just ignore him and continue drinking by his lonesome .  ❝  how about this —  tell me another joke and if it makes me laugh or even just smile , i’ll buy you whatever drink you want .  ❞

“That might have been the polite equivalent to the last time I heard that I laughed so hard I almost fell off my dinosaur.” Jamie chuckled softly at the other’s comment. He was used to being nuance, in fact the boisterous warmth of his personality had before well known in Joey’s. This was a low tier of erratic behavior for him, only to be progressively growing throughout the night depending on his alcohol intake. It’d only be a matter of time before the man was belting Man, I Feel Like a Woman in a pair of heels he’d borrowed from a patron at the bar. But all good things came with time. “Now you’re putting pressure on me. I’m no Dave Chapelle. More like a John Mulaney type who makes you laugh because you’re afraid for the state of their mental health if you don’t,” He quipped at the challenge. Wagering alcohol was something that Jameson could never turn down with a good conscious. “What did the buffalo say to his son before he went off for college?”  Jamie asked, meeting the others gaze. He then leaned in, close enough for as if the punchline was believed to be a secret between just the two of them. “Bison. I’ll take whatever you’re havin’, if you’re offerin’.”

As the man started to tell the joke, Alexandria tried her hardest to follow. Listening to him speak, she nodded along as he was going. She let out a small chuckle, realizing that it was the polite thing to do. “Because horses like hay, right?” Alix added, wanting to make sure she was actually understanding the joke. She was pretty tired at this point, and honestly she wasn’t even the best at understanding jokes even when she wasn’t tired. “If I were the bartender, I’d be pretty concerned about the fact that there was a talking horse in my bar.” She added, shrugging slightly at the man. Alexandria didn’t even know why she was out, because if she was smart she would have gone home and went to bed.

“That’s exactly why. Pretty and smart, what a world we live in.” Jameson teased as she took the humor away from the joke by explaining it. He didn’t mind though. He didn’t tell jokes to make people laugh. He told jokes in the name of making connections and catching the attention of those who wouldn’t pay him mind otherwise.  “Have you ever seen BoJack Horseman? That is essentially the premise of the entire show. A horse with crippling mental illness except he doesn’t ask for hay. He asks for alcohol.. because he wanted to drown his sorrows. Retrospectively, I don’t know why I’m telling you this. It’s like I’m rebutting myself by explaining to you why the joke isn’t actually funny or accurate.”

“As fire as I’m sure that would look, that’s a no from me.” The brunette said, chuckling lightly as she knocked down his suggestion. The shortest she was willing to go was a long bob, anything else felt unlike her. But she was used to Jamie always wanting to change up her style, that was nothing new. “Maybe when I’m actually a milf we can go with that. I’m sure I’ll be boring by then so Ima need something to spice me up a little bit.”

“Why do I suddenly feel like I’m standing in front of a faithless Randy Jackson telling me I’m not going to Hollywood?” Jameson asked with a theatrical frown. He knew that a girl like Saphira cared about the way she looked, this knowledge stemming from respect looking. only, of course. “I have a hard time believing you’ll ever be boring,” Jamie shrugged. “Mohawk milf on the other hand, she’s just a little bit cooler than you in my mind. And I like her a little bit more.”

Frowning a little as the joke seemingly flew over his head, he tilted his head. “I don’t actually. Today is just one of those days when I don’t understand any joke that is being told” he sighed, shaking his head. But then again he had never really understood that kind of humor. His was more dark and twisted. That was pretty much how he coped with his life; by making jokes about it. 

“Horses eat hey. Well, not like heeeey but like hay, you know? Hay. Like a bale of hay. And he said you read my mind because horses.. eat hay. Which doesn’t make sense because why would he walk into a bar for hay, you know?” Jamie explained theatrically. “I can tell you a joke that’ll make you laugh, for sure. It knocks ‘em dead every time. Spell ICUP.”

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