Ive been thinking lately how Will Byers is a brutal case of how the trauma of social rejection causes someone to erase themselves from other’s lives. It’s why Will giving the painting to Mike to help El instead of allowing himself to hold onto his final piece of love and identify is a case of emotional self harm not sacrifice.
Will has been unintentionally told by his loved ones that he’s too much and needs to be smaller over and over again in season 3 and 4. In season 3 he was told that his desire to be included and valued in the group was stupid because he’s gay and emotionally needy. Thats definitely not what Mike meant to say but it’s what Will internalized. So Will shrunk and instead of demanding time with his friends he disappeared except in the case of when his powers were useful. Yes he’s communicating with his friends but he’s not as confident or sassy as he used to be - just there and willing to support.
In season four you can see how Will has gotten even smaller in the roller rink compared to the rain fight. In the rain fight he was really truly angry, not afraid to accuse Mike of bad behavior. In the roller rink however he’s pleading with Mike not ripping into him. Yes, it looks a bit like anger but it’s mostly desperation. He’s begging Mike to prove his belief that Mike doesn’t care about him anymore wrong. Instead Mike confirms it unintentionally and instead of getting distance from Mike like in season 3 he just takes Mikes dismissal and accepts it. He’s already internalized the fact that his desire to be of equal attention to El and his friends is stupid in season 3 and now he believes that asking for any attention at all is stupid.
He was also at the same time being dismissed by the sister he’s sacrificed his entire time at the California school for. Will could have made friends - he’s not being bullied - but he stays with El when in school because he knows how to help her survive it. In his quiet way he’s being the friend Mike was for him despite his trauma. In the airport scene El basically demands that Will give up his one moment of “selfish” desire to connect with Mike for her own sake. I’m not villainizing her in saying that - just calling it out for what it does to Will emotionally. The staggering thing is that Will lets her do that. He really thinks that he ought to accept being ignored by his friends because he’s only loveable when he’s smaller and sacrificing for others.
Mike then gives Will a moment truly intimate connection. It’s probably Mikes best moment in the season. Mike lets Will know that Will matters to him in a huge way. Mikes affection is what gets Will to build up the courage to take his painting which he earlier stuffed away in reaction to El inferring that he needed to give up on his own desire for connection for her.
And yet - when Mike tells Will about his insecurities Will does about the most damaging thing he could do. Because of the way El and Mike treated him earlier he decides that he has to give up his precious artwork that is a symbol of who he is and who he loves. In doing that he’s basically giving up on being seen and appreciated by Mike without relation to El. He thinks his own love for Mike is disgusting and gets in the way of El and Mike and so sacrifices it. He’s devastated not only because of what he perceived as rejection but also because that was his one desire that he had allowed himself to keep. It looks noble but it’s actually a total self obliteration. Now the part of himself that Mike loves is El’s in Mikes mind. So Will has effectively gotten rid of his last chance to be seen by the person who loved him for him.
Mike told Will that be missed Will because he only feels seen by Will. But when Will insinuates that El can and has been offering to see Mike the way he wants to be seen he essentially cuts himself out of the position of being Mikes emotional safety. He basically tells Mike that the intimacy he has felt with Will was actually El. He’s disappearing himself from Mike entirely when ironically he’s really Mikes whole world.
I’m thinking that Robin will be super influential for Will in coaxing him out and helping him start desiring love and connection again. Will desperately needs other friends and Robin with her older and outsider perspective from the party will be that friend. Robin will see Will and get him to learn that he deserves to be seen and not to stay invisible. Mike has lost his chance to be Wills life line by not getting that Will was drowning - Robin will be the person to pull him out. Then, and only then can Mike love Will - not because Will doesn’t deserve love but because Mike should not be the sole friend to understand Will. This is because he’s literally the source of why Will disappeared psychologically and emotionally in the first place.
