July will be my best month yet this year

A father teaches his son to swim at Lake Kivu. Western Province, Rwanda. ©David A. Wilson

Don’t allow the actions of others dictate your choices. That’s the first thing I’d say to you.

Second, I wish you would check out my index page, because I’m not going to give you the whole:

“IN IZLAM THE WOMYN HAV ZA RIGHTS!” They do, but that’s not the point. I can offer you religious answers, based in historical context, but you have a problem here: men are terrible. Whether they are Muslims, European, Asian, you name the place, men have been trash there. Remember: you can’t spell disappointment without the word “men.”

Now, before I show you a bunch of links, let me tell you this: Muslims have failed in many things, particularly with how women are treated, but I’m going to offer you religious answers, and I’ll tell you why: the religious leadership did not usually assist various Muslim cultures in their oppression of women.

Allow me to point you to Professor Maya Shatzmiller, who writes:

“The limitations imposed on women’s ability to exercise their property rights in ventures requiring free capital, like trade, commerce and investment, were not the product of the Islamic legal environment, actually happened in spite of it, in plain defiance but of the spirit of the law and more importantly, the judges’ recommended of practice.”

In spite of it, she writes. So, the Islamic scholars are like “hey, this is haram, don’t do this” but people did it anyway.

Now, it is up to us, Muslims, today, to change things. And that doesn’t mean everyone has to be Malcolm X and change the world, begin within yourself.

I’m going to give you the same advice my mother gave to some lady who told my mom she doesn’t do anything. My mom said:

“Yeah, okay, I don’t do anything. But if my values are worth anything, they will be used in my house, the house I established, where I have six children, and those values, if they are any good, will be passed down onto my children, who will establish their own houses, and teach their own children, that’s where my change is.”

Start where you can. Insha Allah, you will have children one day. How will you raise them? How will you treat the boys and girls? My mom put her money where her mouth is, and she didn’t raise a Muslim household where there were double standards, boys and girls were the same. I’m a little jealous listening to all these stories of Muslim boys who don’t have to do anything (that is a joke, kinda–my sisters are really overbearing, okay?)

Now, here are all the answers that I think might address some of your concerns, I hope this helps, insha Allah:

What does it mean that men are “Qawwamun” over women?

Can women be forced into a marriage?

Women Are Not Fitnah

Did The Prophet say women are deficient in religion? Are 2 women worth 1 man?

Are women ‘mentally and religiously deficient’ in Islam? 

Do Men get “Houris” in Heaven? What about Women?

What Does The Hadith About “Women Are Like A Rib” Mean?