aureliano ha detto non me ne frega un cazzo di tutto il resto basta che tu sei vivo e spadino ha detto non me ne frega un cazzo di tutto il resto ora che sei morto

jo march really was like. i love the people around me and i cannot cope with them leaving and being mature and appealing enough to start new chapters in their lives while i'm still clinging into this idealised, carefree, comedy-like lifestyle i thought was gonna last forever. and i really thought platonic relationships could replace my repressed longing for a romantic one but now all my loved ones' first priorities became romance. meanwhile i cannot put myself out seeking a romantic relationship because that would automatically mean altering, belittleing, objectifying and compromising myself, my life would become a cliche with guaranteed unhappy ending because i feel like no one in this world could truly make me happy. and i do want to embrace my independent, single lifestyle but i guess i didnt calculate back then how lonely it's going to feel. it's like my only choice is between two types of unhappiness. jo march conveyed all this stuff and i'm not supposed to tear up just thinking about that goddamn movie???

I really enjoy just existing in hotels. The long identical hallways. The soulless abstract art. The weird noises the air-conditioner makes. Strange city lights in the window. Six stories off the ground. Strangers chatting in the hall. Nothing in the dresser. No past, but an infinite present.