ઇ moth to a flame

synopsis: you desperately look for something that no men can give you.

contents: not proofread, angst with barely any comfort, internalized homophobia, reader is in a relationship with a man, reader is mentioned to have had a lot of previous relationships with men, reader is a lesbian but is too scared to admit.

You look to your side to see the man breathing heavily in his sleep. He's chest moves up and down, shining with droplets of sweat.

You get up to run a shower, the feeling of his skin on yours still lingers on your cells. He didn't exactly touch you — you try to avoid it —, you only gave him a blowjob. But the idea of him still on you makes you nauseous.

When the hot water reaches your closed eyes, all you can think about is her. The auburn haired woman that haunts your dreams, your steps, your life.

Always staring from afar; at the frat parties, she watches as you walk in your boyfriend's arms; at the games, she watches how you cheer for him and when he wins, she watches how he holds you up and kisses you.

She's always observing you, like fire observes a moth circling it. And you're the moth. You're the moth that yearns for a fire to call yours, for a fire to get you entertained, a fire that won't become ashes once you're close enough. You want a fire that burns you, that makes you its ashes.

You desperately look for something that can catch your attention more than your men do.

Your reputation isn't the best: always in the arms of a man for no longer tha six months before going to the next one. You're looking for something, something you're not sure of yet.

Ellie is a hint of what you're looking for, but you're not ready to accept that all you've been seeking all this time — male attention — isn't what you actually wanted or needed.

When you leave the bathroom, towel around your body, the first thing you do is dial her number — because you would never save her contact — and call her.

You call her like you always do when he sleeps, because you can't bear her absence.

It rings one time before she picks up and you can hear her hoarse sleepy voice. You close his door and sit on the living room's floor, towel falling from your body and covering the floor you're on.

"Why are you up this late, love?" she asks, her voice small through the phone speaker. You can picture her hands brushing the sleep out of her pretty eyes.

"I miss you" your voice is sweet, thick like honey.

She sighs and you bite your inner lip, anxious about her next words.

"Where are you at?"

"Steve's"

You can feel how her breath changes, how she holds back to not spit off everything she wants to say to you.

"I'm on my way"

You don't even put on a pair of clothes, you just tie the towel around your body and leave his place once she texts you saying she arrived.

The hot tears already threaten to fall, but you can't let that happen, not now.

From the driver's seat she opens the door for you, frowning when looking at your body.

"What the hell...?"

You close the door and the pout that forms on your mouth is involuntarily. Your hands goes to your face to hide the tears that began to fall.

"Hey, hey. What happened baby? Come here" she holds your hands and takes them away from your face, holding you between her hands like you're the most precious thing in the world.

You shake your head no. Not wanting to talk about it, because you know it will only make you cry more.

"Talk to be baby"

You sniff before trying to form coherent words.

"He disgusts me. Every time he touches me I want to take off my skin. I can't do this anymore" you keep on shaking your head, tears running down your face

Ellie bites her inner lip and you can see the moment it all click inside her head. She swallows hard.

"Leave him" she says without hesitation, for the hundredth time.

You shake your head again, eyes closing and cheek pressing against her hand.

"I can't"

She huffs and takes her hands out of your face, holding the steering wheel hard enough to make her fingers go white.

"The hell you can't"

Your sobs grow louder. "I can't Ellie, I can't do this"

She punches the steering wheel. "Why do you keep doing this to yourself? You hate him! Why do you keep doing this to me?"

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Ellie."

You hug your legs and let your tears wet them.

"Does he know about me?" she presses the back of her head against the seat and closes her eyes.

You move your head no.

"Didn't you say he went through your phone last time you stood him up? What about the pictures that you keep?"

"I keep them in a locked folder"

She sighs.

"Baby it's not safe for you to stay with him. Leave him, even if it's not to come to me, leave him."

"I can't. He's already suspicious of something. What if he tells people I like girls?"

"What about it? Is there something wrong about liking girls?"

"I don't know, Ellie. I really don't. I was told all my life that it is wrong, that it is a sin."

She reaches for your hand and pulls you on her lap, sitting on your side on her lap.

"But you like me, don't you?" she asks, brushing her lips sweetly against your cheek.

"I more than like you, Ellie. I adore you." She smiles against your skin, eyes closed.

"And do you feel wrong about it?" Ellie kisses your temple, lips wandering on your face.

"Sometimes yes. But only if I think too much about it."

"So don't think too much baby, just be with me. Let 'em talk. Who gives a shit?"

"I do"

She stops for a second, then kisses the side of your mouth.

"I can not give a shit about it for us both."

sorry I'm not home right now I'm walking into spiderwebs so leave a message and I'll call you back

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ellie williams x reader

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ description: your nerdy chemistry tutor is secretly the web slinging superhero of new york city

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ total wc: 26.2k

🕸️ chapter one 🕸️ chapter two 🕸️ chapter three 🕸️

🕸️ chapter four 🕸️ chapter five 🕸️ chapter six 🕸️

🕸️ chapter seven 🕸️ chapter eight 🕸️ chapter nine 🕸️

me as soon as im home:

REPORTING LIVE ... FROM OUTER SPACE !

☾⁺ ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

⋆✴︎˚｡⋆ about : astronaut!ellie records little clips throughout her time in space to share with you.

⋆✴︎˚｡⋆ warnings : swearing. fluff. established relationship. jesse appearance and two other unnamed crew members. no major warnings! though i think this is different from my usual stuff and therefore is a bit out of my comfort zone... kinda unserious? they had those damn iphones on the artemis II so. sorry for any inaccuracies, i've never been to space!

⋆✴︎˚｡⋆ word count : 3.2k

⋆✴︎˚｡⋆ extra : inspired by this! a very important & special thanks to @letmebeurbaby for the inspo boost from the ask and also @seasonsofchaos for sharing knowledge and answering my dumb questions <3 very important creds!!

☾⁺ ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

☾⁺ ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

"...well, it's not actually live, but–” 

Ellie’s voice was quiet. Almost a little too quiet. She might as well have been simply murmuring to herself, which seemed arguably more embarrassing than talking loudly to a camera. 

Only her face was in frame, like she was tucked away and trying to be as lowkey as possible. 

It wasn’t like Ellie had any sort of privacy, because she didn’t. The quarters were close. It also wasn’t like what Ellie was doing was a secret, because it wasn’t. When you were packed into a relatively small environment with a crew of other people, room for secrets did not exist. 

But still. 

Despite how close–physically and emotionally–Ellie had admittedly become with the other crew members, she still considered herself to be a relatively private person. 

Sure they worked together, trained together, communicated together, and were essentially living together for a brief time… but that didn’t mean that Ellie was thrilled about the idea of them hearing every single word that she spoke as she tried to record something for you. 

⊹ ࣪ ˖ Starlight 𓂃 ⋆

a/n: i really really really loved making this ‹𝟹 ‹𝟹 ‹𝟹 thanks for the request & i apologize for the delay nonnie 𐔌 ՞ ܸ.ˬ.ܸ՞𐦯 feel free to request more stuff ! !

no warnings ! ! 1.8k words ★ be aware that idk how university works i'm a senior ㅠㅠ

ᯓ★     As soon as your admission letter arrived, you waited until Ellie received hers to open it together. Under the sunset’s warmth, sitting on her Saturn-shaped rug with your thighs touching hers, you took a deep breath before tearing open the envelope. The tension quickly dissipated as you both read the last line of the letters— you jumped in joy and went out to celebrate. The elation from that day will never be unremembered by you, or your families. 

ᯓ★     Ever since you moved in with Ellie, life has been more than perfect. Her being your high school sweetheart, you didn’t think you’d be lucky enough to get into the same college— the universe had had mercy on your hearts.

ᯓ★     The days prior to moving out, both of you cried your hearts out over everything. You wanted to redo everything you’d cherished growing up for the last time: last time going to Jesse’s house, last time having sandwiches from your favorite restaurant, last time binge watching all of your favorite films, last time celebrating your birthdays, valentines and easter (all in the span of five days).

ᯓ★     The goodbyes faded hundreds of kilometres ago as you drove to your new home. You were feeling pretty wistful staring at the road ahead, but singing songs from your shared playlist helped with the ache ! Whenever one of Ellie’s songs came up, you lowered the volume just to hear her voice as she sang to you.

ᯓ★     You moved into a little apartment a week earlier than the start of classes, having received multiple warnings from both of your parents before leaving— you were independent adults now, you should be responsible with money, take care of your grades, remember to take the trash out, and a ton of things you maybe should’ve listened to: the first month, you spent too much on things you didn’t really need at the moment— an air fryer, a tv, and a couch to be specific. You lived off of your parents’ charity for the last half of the month, promising to yourselves you’d be more mindful. “I told you we had to get a bed before the couch,” you huffed after Ellie hung up the call with Joel, only receiving a shrug as an answer. She didn’t regret it one bit, being able to sleep on top of you every night until you could afford a proper mattress. You would be lying if you said you didn’t want Ellie as your personal weighed blanket for as long as it was necessary.

ᯓ★     Even if you are into the same things, your taste in home decoration is the complete opposite. While you try to go by neat, cozy things, Ellie likes everything messy. She starts covering the walls in her posters, while you try to keep the house more ‘adult’.

“We’re young. We should be living our lives.” She complained as you removed her Pearl Jam poster from the wall behind the couch.

“Live your life far away from my living room,” you warned, pulling her closer by her belt loops. “I’m serious about this,” you murmured, smoothing the creases between her eyebrows before kissing her forehead.

ᯓ★     You divided the rooms in the house like they were actual private properties. The living room was yours. The kitchen was hers. Your bedroom was split. The bathroom was shared— as long as it was functional…

You filled the living room with fairy lights and decorated the makeshift bookshelf as you pleased, while Ellie kept filling the kitchen with, mostly, Star Wars themed items. She had the brilliant idea to leave Guardians of the Galaxy funko pops in impractical places and you kept knocking them over whenever you were in a hurry. In every mealtime, you audibly sighed whenever you finished your food, Darth Vader staring back at you.

“Don’t like it?” She would always tease, her feet meeting yours playfully under the table.

ᯓ★     As soon as college started, your excitement over your new life didn’t wear off even if you were struggling to learn the cues of university life. You looked up to the older students, and it made you work harder every day. You felt like a highschool freshman, wanting to look like the cool girls in senior year— the comparison wasn’t far from reality. Ellie often teased you whenever she noticed you straightening your posture in front of the older girls. “You’re like those seventh graders!” She cackled, throwing her arm over your shoulders.

ᯓ★     Ellie isn't a morning person— she is used to staying up late since the age of thirteen. Whenever your alarm rings with that cheerful tone you can only describe as lovely she groans. Even when you snuggle with her while trying to cheer her up, she just whines and tosses around, sometimes even elbowing you by mistake. She only apologizes a few minutes later, startling awake when her consciousness makes itself present in her head and communicates her what she's done.

ᯓ★     You became the official morning cook. It is actually cute to make Ellie’s favorite breakfast daily: it's either a bowl of cereal or milk chocolate and pancakes, depending on what she's feeling like. Daily, she coos something amongst the lines of “Aw. You’re like my housewife,” while kissing you gratefully. Whenever you suggest something healthier, more filling, she pouts like you just insulted her and her whole family line.

ᯓ★     While you both try to accommodate your schedules, you don’t have many chances to spend time with Ellie properly. Most evenings are spent side by side, but she’s always focused on her textbooks, groaning every thirty seconds while you struggle with your recently broken calculator or a program that won’t run on your laptop.

ᯓ★     During your first midterm season, none of you could sleep properly. Your meals would consist of raw food— apples and instant noodles were your go-to. You made scrambled eggs with tomato slices if you were feeling particularly inspired.

ᯓ★     The first night after things came back to normal, the air was thick with your mixed depletion. Ellie returned from her shower, letting herself fall against you. She draped her body on top of yours and drifted off in a matter of seconds with a final sigh. It wasn’t until her weight sunk you deeper in the mattress that your mind could finally let your body know that it was over, you were free.

ᯓ★     When you start making new friends, Ellie ends up in your hang outs. It surprises you how shy she’s around the people she doesn’t know, immediately reminding you of your first interactions when she’d be a walking beet, stuttering her way out of conversations until she finally learned how to be normal around you. One night, after a couple shots of vodka, she gets accustomed to them pretty easily. You, on your side, are faster to befriend her friends.

ᯓ★     When you lived in separate houses, planning surprises was easy. You could just do everything at home and then surprise Ellie in whichever way you pleased. Now, as her birthday is coming, you start finding your things slightly out of place. Your nightstand has clearly been rummaged. Your diary’s bookmark is in another place. You even left your phone alone for a while and returned to it with dozens of tabs open— she's desperate.

ᯓ★     Fortunately, you had one of your friends to help you keep the surprise. She would’ve never expected what you had for her: a road trip to the best observatory in the country, with a stop at Jackson. And a new telescope which cost you over a year worth of your salary. The stars glittering in her eyes made it all worth it.

ᯓ★     Every time you leave with your friends— usually in the evening— you come back to her playing video games. “Hey, babe,” she greets without looking in your direction, acting nonchalant when she’s actually rushing to finish her game as soon as possible so she can take you to bed and get what she’s been craving for. You chuckle, seeing right through her. 

“Put that can in the trash,” you order, eyeing the empty speed on the floor.

“Yes, ma’am.” Her voice was softer than expected, lacking the usual attittude. She’s not even half as sassy as she exhaustively tries to be— not when she’s needy.

ᯓ★     Ellie often helps you with your models. Even if you’re better with numbers, she’s more skilled about structures, having gone to sculpture classes for a couple of years during high school. She will spend time cutting out cardboard and applying the right amount of glue for you to ensemble everything perfectly.

ᯓ★     Just as she helps you at least five times a week, you offer to transcript her class notes to English. She cannot decipher whatever she was trying to say early in the morning, or whichever language it was that she'd tried to speak in, but you are quick to comprehend and write everything down in that neat cursive of yours, adding small messages in the corners of the page to motivate her later on— “I love you”, “You got this :3”, “You’re mine!!” and small doodles of animals and hearts are scattered across all of her notebooks. It's her favorite thing about receiving your help.

ᯓ★     Most of your arguments, even though infrequent, are rooted in organisation. Ellie tends to leave all of her things scattered around the house, not bothering to pick them up until the next time she wants to use them. She doesn’t clean mugs because she’ll use them later. Doesn’t leave her backpack in the hanger because she’ll use it tomorrow. Leaves open bags of food in the couch because she will “finish them very soon”. Even after buying a wardrobe, her hoodies stay all over the house. You, on your side, try to leave things as tidy as possible since you know you’re just a millimeter away from being exactly like Ellie.

It’s only when you get mad at her that she decides it’s enough. After putting her notebooks, DVD’s, clothes, paint tubes and a thousand other things in their respective places, she will stand in the doorway, clearing her throat to make herself heard, always the same quiet apology.

“I cleaned up.” She’d affirm softly, hoping the words, light and wavy as water, arrived to you in a pleasant way.

She always gets her forgiveness after combining the right amount of unrequited cuddles and sweet nothings.

ᯓ★     Ellie is so excited over Artemis II that at some point even you can't stand her. Especially on the day of the launch, she won't stop yapping about it. Just to have an excuse to shut her up, you buy the cheapest cake in the supermarket ‘to celebrate’. One word out and you’re shoving a piece in her mouth.

“Here comes Artemis II, baby!” You tease the moment she parts her lips to speak again. She frowns, a pout making its way onto her lips as she reluctantly chewed on it.

“Come on. You don’t wanna hear about it either?” She protests, her mouth full of cake.