jaesonv

Streetlights capped with the mist

Foggy roads concealing headlights

The city bathing in fresh rain of autumn

Night sky setting sepia landscapes

Skyscrapers scrapped by raindrops

Lights from buildings and houses so yellow

Making patterns in the darkness

With an umbrella black, she stood in the middle of the street

Silent nights, busy mind

Her eyes covered with puddle of water

She stands looking at the dark and divine city

A hole in her heart, she carries it everywhere

Searching for peace. Searching for her.

She found her in an instant, so did she lose her

She came dressed as a friend

A thief, she left as

"She called me Lily..."

"Why?"

"Because it sounds good!....Lily of Death"

she muttered under breath

As she closed her eyes and took a step to her right

Busy night, a silent mind

Like a garden without gardner

Black umbrella flies alone in the breeze of the night

Her petals slowly dyed red

With a note in her hand

And a thought in her heart

She rested her search finally

I was her Lily

She was my death—

Among the everyday hustle

I walk

Breathless

Lifeless

Losing my track

Losing my pace

With already lost ways

Legs giving up

The heat bothers me again

My body boiling

In cold nights of December

My lungs not letting any of these

Corrupted air in me

Protecting me-

These luminous lights scares me

Hurts my eyes

Like a dagger

Let me love my darkness

Under a starless sky

I look up at the moon

"Should i give in?"

"Take the easy way out?"

How would a heartless man die-

When he never ever lived in the first place

Coming to a halt

Taking a deep breath

I close my eyes

Safe from the daggers

I stand still

As i lost all my energy

Your voice echoes in my ears

I smile

I felt joy again

Heard your melody once again

Just to be pierced

By a high pitched horn

And screeching tires

And it all became silent again

Oh it feels so good now

Let me sleep again

I'm in love again

With this peace—

I don't dream anymore

I don't even have a history anymore

I'm ugly without you

I'm dirty without you

I'm incomplete now

Like an orphan

In a dormitory

I don't feel like living my life anymore

My life stops when you're leaving

I don't have a life anymore

And even my bed

Turns into a station platform

When you're leaving I'm sick

Completely sick

Like when all close ones left

Leaving me alone

With my despair

I'm sick

You come

Nobody knows when

You leave

Nobody knows where

It's been too long

Since you don't care

Like to a rock

Like to a sin

I'm clinging on to you

I'm tired

I'm exhausted

Of pretending to be happy

When they are here

I drink every night

All the whiskies

For me

Taste the same

All the boats

Carry your flag

I don't know where to go anymore

You're everywhere

Making me sick

I pour my blood into your body

Now I'm like a dying bird

When you're sleeping

I die every night

Longing to fly

But I'm sick

You've deprived me of all my songs

You've drained me of all my words

Yet I believe I had one last breath to take

Before your skin

This love is killing me

And if it goes on

I'll die alone

With myself

Near my piano

Like a stupid kid

Listening to my fingers play the same tune

My heart completely sick

Surrounded by barricades

Did you hear?

I died.

This is the one song i always go back to. It hurts in a way that nothing else can. I'd highly recommend anyone who hasn't heard this, to watch Lara perform it live. To hear the pain in her voice and madness in her eyes, it seeps in my heart, somewhere deep where no one can find it, nor steal it.

You’re the lyrics to one of the most beautiful songs, you exist in the gaps of the song, where the singer takes pauses to breathe, and I breathe you.

Not everything can be put in peachy words and expect people to be in awe with it. Some things can only be admired by eyes, and oh the way I see you, I admire you, perhaps you’re the truest of the feelings, truest of the words.

”Think not of this as mere words,

For ‘tis my heart and mind I lay bare for you

For I be your admirer amidst the coldplay

And you,

To be my forever muse—”

You’re my Yellow, you’re my Golden.

I have to be careful, put my feelings on pause

Because with you I know this is real

The laughs, the smiles, the joy I feel

I'm trying my best to keep to myself

Just one glance in your eyes,

And I melt

But babe I'm not scared

My heart in which I know

You would take care

I just don't want to fall again

And watch it break

I can't let this end

You're not my lover

But just a friend

Everyone always saying I have to be strong

Everything inside myself tells me to give in,

Trying not to look where I've already been

This feeling is so numb that you just can't shake

You really start to wonder how long it'll take

The worst part is when you think you're fine

But you know that it's only a matter of time

No one can tell you the cause of the pain

You're like water flowing down the drain

Somewhere in the world, there is another voice

Who feels that they also don't have a choice

Tending to feel more intensely at night

That's when I take out my pen to write

The wind against my window and rain from the sky

Sometimes I feel so alone, I want to lay here and cry

I don't know why....

Pretending to be brave will have a due date

The rhythm continues at a constant rate

A small glimmer of hope comes my way because of you

Telling me I'm meant for bigger things; that is what I'll do

One day I'll look back at it all and not hurt anymore

I'll remember the pain but not feel so sore

But I won't give into the pressure of this

It's my old life that I'm seeming to miss

I won't fall victim to this crime

I'm strong enough to finish my climb

Many situations I do regret but cannot fix

Times I struck together like newly laid bricks

Despite all of the things I have done wrong

I still find reason to become I'm strong

I'll let you in on something I will NOT do

I won't give up

Because of you...

Catch your nightmares

With my bare hands

How I'd love to

Take away your insecurities

And replace them

With the wonderful thoughts

I have about you

How I desire to

Rip out your frustrations

And make u smile endlessly

Maybe then you'll see

How beautiful u really are—

That I love her so much?

That something inside me aches

When she's not herself

And far away from these arms

To wrap around her

Tell her that it's all okay...

That my eyes go numb

When I hear her muffled voice

Cracking in middle to take a breath

Just to shed more tears

How do I tell her...

That it's not her, or anyone's fault?

That it's life...and it's meant to be hard

Harsh lives where we find our happiness

In small unexpected things

How do I tell her...

That I see the good warm place

In her stone-cold attire

And I don't have any expectations

Because I know how they feel like a burden

And no one can live up to them

How do I tell her...

That it's gonna work out

That it's not that bad

And it's all right

Because we got each other—

I'm sick and tired of these voices

Calling out my name. It's scary

Another night, I stare at the empty

Nowhere in my room

Thinking to end it all

Thinking to take a blade

And let it run around my wrists

Kill these voices that love me so much

End this misery once and for all

I can't. How can I?

Thinking about her, i wish to see

Another shitty day

Neglecting the other stuffs just for her

Yearning to touch her

Maybe she could cure me

Or maybe she'll become another reason

Rigged in my heart, is her

Eternal love that makes the voices fade.

All we need to hear is a beautiful lie

An untrue melody that fiddles with the heart

Giving the defeated soul, a hint of hope

To win again

In the unfair game called Life

Where no one's a winner, and no one's a loser

All we are, are mere players

Playing to live,

Cheating on death

Running from something

Running for something

Trying to escape the harsh truth

Disguising ourselves in superficial joy

Hiding from our inner regrets

With a broken heart

And a fucked up mind

We play in hope

Sometimes a lie can heal wounds faster than love

It's a cafe—

We expect love from strangers

Serving our coldness to the close ones

It's like a subway—

We board the train of delusions

Leaving the reality behind

Being hard on ourselves

Trying to be someone we're not

"Oh he just wants attention"

But we change for the sake of others

To see that faint smile

Struggling to find a reason to live

A reason to love

But who am I to judge

Who am I to say

I'm also a player

You can never see both sides of a coin

I'll just flip mine

Accepting the fate

Playing by rules

Win

Lose

Who cares

I'm running the track

Even if it isn't the one I was meant to run

I feel like I'm flying

And I wanna take u with me

Just grab on

Let's fly

Let's win together

Let's lose together

At the end,

It's that smile I breathe for

Let it be the one I'd run for

So tell me...

Will you be with me,

When the Game's over?

Let's stay awake till 4am and blabber about random things, and not fall in love

Let's go for long walks with no destination, and not fall in love

Let's sing our favourite songs together and pretend to have our own concerts, and not fall in love

Let's go to all the restaurants and eat like we haven't eaten in a long time, and not fall in love

Let's hold hands and let our fingers play, and not fall in love

Let's do everything we dream of inspired from all those books and movies, and not fall in love

Because I've heard, that love ruins everything

So let's do every little things we can except fall in love, Deal?

They keep flying in me

They live in me now

They come back when she comes

They won't leave

Even if she does-

These butterflies

Are the only closest thing to me rn

But why doesn't she gets it

It's call cuz of her

"Wut do u want then?"

Ppl ask

With actually no interest whatsoever

I just say...

"Let them be free"

Someone take these petty things

These butterflies

Flying in my stomach

And let em reach out

Fly to her

Let her know

They're now no more there—

The flowers blooming

The wet grass with a hint of dew

Burst into color that day

When i saw you gazing at the crimson sky

And fell in love

Every dream we painted on

That blank film roll of our mind

Will stay forever etched

In my memories

It was you, my special one

Who opened my eyes

When we hold hands

The stars in the night sky above us

Will show us

There can be light in darkness

So stop hiding your sorrow

Behind that dazzling smile

And let me meet you

Touch you

Let those stars shine brightly on you

The hopes and fears we cling to

Let them be the guiding lights

That leads us into a whole new world

Where we'd be together

Forever—

I stood by your shadow and abode

Winds and walls all heard us

I took your palm , cold with desire

Touched my lips , like a reverie

It wasn't a kiss , it wasn't a touch

It was a promise of forlorn ages.

I'm certainly not the last

But I am the one who cares about you

Whether 2 in night

Or 7 in morning

I'll be there... whenever you'll need me

I may not show it

You may not see

But the feelings are real

It hurts sometimes

When someone does not appreciate

The point of your existence

It hurts

When you say things that are not true

When your voice turns harsh

That's so not you

The things you said

You knew that wasn't true

I was broken

Shattered into pieces

Still you threw daggers at me

Knowing they would wound me

Leave a deep scar

Which might take forever

Or never to heal

But what's done is done

It's wasn't your fault anyway

It was me all along

Putting my guard down

Thinking you were not like the others

Sharing my secrets

My deepest desires

The pain, the agony

The happiness within misery

U knew all of me

Yet I didn't know you at all

I was shocked

Petrified

I never expected it to come from you

But I guess that's the truth

If you say so

U know I love you

But do u as well?

But that doesn't matter now

I trusted you once

I might do it again

That's the human nature

Once we trust someone

We can't let them go

It's just that....

Will you do the same

If I did that to u?

Papers lying around

Hands stained in ink

I gaze outside

Wondering about us

The future-

Would it be what we dream of each night?

Would it go like we want?

I see birds on branches

Chirping

Maybe ranting to those wooden scars

Made by their own claws

Flying away

The branch still waits

Knows they'll return

Cuz both can't stay away from each other

For too long

I see children on streets

Two 4-yo holding hands

It takes me back to you....

I see them play

Walk down the path

With hands to hold

And i see the look on their faces

Their face shouting,

"We'll make it, I'm here"

Here i am-

Surrounded by metaphors and anaphoras

Writing on the back of my question paper

Thinking of you again

After every good

As the bell rings

I don't wanna leave

Hey paper,

Are you my best friend?

Why am I telling you all this?

Why am i sharing my pain with you?

Can you connect me to her?

Can you tell her how I feel right now?

Just relay my feelings to her wil you?

Just whisper in her ears

Or let her fingers feel the dried ink

Forming words....

Cuz i know her eyes are blurry

Just let her know-

I love her

I miss her

And I'm nothing without her