Haru Daelite

If not for the pandemic, I'm pretty sure I'd still be in Dubai right now trying to adjust to a new job or workplace and still living my days off going somewhere in the city that I haven't been to or somewhere interesting. I'd also probably be living in a better accommodation. I'd meet more new people and make more travel plans. I'd probably still be single but heck! I'd be travelling to places where I have friends. Jordan, Armenia part 2 and probably finally opening my own bank account and applying for a Schengen visa so I can finally step foot into Europe where I have some friends as well. The possibilities of working abroad are endless over there. Sadly.... not as much as during a pandemic. Even old friends I met there have left the fast-paced Arabic city.

I notice how life there goes by so fast because there's so much to do and so many opportunities to feel independent and truly live a life where you make the call about what to eat and where to go. Not eating on time wasn't a problem because chances are, a lot of people share that kind of routine.

I eat a lot when I can but because I do so much even with the walking, commuting and thinking of places to go, you never really gain weight. There's just sooo much to explore.

But let me say this again... this was before the pandemic happened----an actual worldwide emergency.

My fast-paced life wasn't the only one that slowed down----the whole world did too.

Right now, you can say that the universe slowly took bits and pieces of what was distracting me and making me not live my life fully right now.

I reflect from time to time that life is also nice when the world slows down. I see what matters more to me and I just come home and look at what I truly need right now. God knows how stressed and emotionally frustrated I'd be if I were still back in Dubai during the pandemic. Like if I'd run out of extra money or anything during the pandemic, I wouldn't have a house to actually get home to. Being back home made me realize how important a home really is..... and it's not just because it's a house and an actual shelter. Right now, I am home and safe and well with people most dear to me.

Don't worry. I will make sure not to see your face again in the days to come.

You always think you win at life by blocking me out like whatever. For no particular reason, you just did. It makes you an asshole but you don't really care right?

The words I've been hearing and stuck on my mind recently:

"Don't be a martyr anymore."

"Start thinking you deserve more and the best kind of love."

"The rejection was a blessing. Love is coming."

1. Comparing current life to somebody else's

1. Would disappear for days or weeks and come back like nothing happened.

2. Would make it all seem like it is your fault for starting the relationship and make you look like you're the crazy one.

3. Would show a strong, loud front just so they can look, seem or sound like the bigger person.

4. Talks like they don't care about how you feel about the situation.

5. Convincing front but u can see the way they start to deteriorate when they run out of chargers / sources.

"I did it because I know that if you were me, you would do the same thing. You would lie."

"I would only do the same thing if I didn't do what I would definitely do first, and that is to be honest with the person the whole time. You simply forgot that I told you that I am not capable of wasting my time."

"I was afraid I would lose you if you knew the truth."

I saw this optimism in me thru so many guys, but in the end, nobody bothered to keep the light going. They just needed the light I had and moved on like it was nothing.

No matter how much you want to keep a person in your life, they will eventually always find a reason to keep you out or away if they can manage it. Most of them (especially those who are born under the sign of Cancer) seem so overly emotional in a way that they become blind logically to everything and give a fuck about stuff that shouldn't even matter a lot if you think about it. I've had enough dealing with such people. If not for the fact that we are all still geographically in close proximity, I would move away if I had the chance.

You know why I have trouble letting go of someone right now despite knowing the truth about how I can never truly be with them in some legally intimate way? It's the fact that they try hard to be present no matter what. They try to maintain the communication even if it was hard and it took some patience to keep it smooth and just to give both parties some peace of mind.

You can always try to choose someone who is legally free or single.... but if the person isn't good for you then you might as well stay single.

I choose the people who are nice to me thru actions and when I feel the sincerity through it. I try to understand what they are going through and why they did what they did eventhough it hurt me a lot back then.