hh @jackvent - Tumblr Blog

me: [sees a cis person] me: um? triggered?

#tjhsi is....mostly a joke #listen when i see cis boys i get sad okay bc i am.. not cis #idk idk idk i jusst really hate being trans and im feeling angsty rn

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t b h why am i mentlaly ill how much longer do i gotta do this...

#why am i triggered by fruit stickers #w h y a m i t r i g g e r e d b y f r u i t s t i c k e r s #EWHY AM I LIEK THIS ITS LIKE #ITS LIKE FUNNY #BUT N #NOT FOR ME #BC IM FU CKING GOD FUCKIGN TRIGGERED #WHY DOES THUS HAPPEN #why do #i break down when i see someones FINGERNAILS #WHAT THE FUCK ? ? ? ? ?????#LITERALLY WHAT TH EUFCK ??#how come when i want to make a good first impression with someone #i have to fickign twitch and jerk and i end up looking like im ??????? hate to say it but crazy?????#whY DO I HAVE TO YELL DEATHTREATS #WHAT ?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#WHT THF CUK #do u ever just get.....fed up #whhy cant i jsut be like...a normal cis girl please #please #pl ease #plea se id do anying #anything #honestly #likkekeeee mym meds arent helping to me anymore my intrusive thoguhts are so abd i cant think straight and when i drive my eyes are closed #like 40% of the time #annd im gonna get someone fucking killed #i want to fucking die but im staying alive to take care of my friends but #isnt there smth wonrg with that??#im supposed to stay alive for myself right??

glorifiedmediocrity

the worst thing about BPD is when you get that vibe that the person is mad at you

you just…feel it. in your being, can’t let go of it, they’re upset but won’t tell you and are going to leave you

but you know, logically, that there is a really good chance you’re misreading the situation and they’re not upset with you at all

so…you either sit with the feelings and let those color your interactions with them forever, always in fear of saying it because if you say it it’ll come true and they’ll realize you’re terrible and leave you

or bring it up when you feel it and they’re like “wtf no i wasn’t mad” and you feel stupid for being so paranoid and fear your worrying about them being mad will push them away

there is no way to win you’re always scared and get more and more frantic and i just really hate being this way

#aaahhh #aaaaaAAaaajhhhhhhh

me: [touches hand to shirt] brain: so basically yr gonna rip yr sternum out now,, heres a vivid image:

not to be fake deep but LITERALLY what the FUCK ISWRONG WITH ME

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me: what a lovely drawing me: u probably drew that me: with a pencil me: what if me: what if the pencil was in my eye me: [breaks down]

i wanna fuckign die everything i do is emmbarrassing

#ii literally feel bad for people who have to exxist around me lmao

stop pretenddnig to care about me 2k16

everything sucks

#like tbh idk if medicine can even help me anymore snd like #aaa/\GAaAaaaaaaAAA

immm asorry

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im gonnna trust u!

#dmdjsja #someone: ily #me: so u hate me or #whyam i like this lmao like i can see how stupid it is but i cant help it

aa im being !! a lot more social lately and its rlly hard and kkinda scary ;-; iim nit v good at sustaining relationships but i jusst want ppl to know that im tryingg !

#i wrote this for my main but chickened out #basicallt im fickin scared lmao #i am not good with liek mssging ppl often and keeping conversations going and ppeople oftenseem to think o avoiding them orr #'tossing them aside' and thatss #thats nnot at all oi h m y gid #oh well more friends more ppl to dissapoont i guess #ahh #worry

feelin... good i think

me?useless? probably

mm

#everything suxks rn

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this is literally all me dint fret l m a o

friendsuggestions

it’s like you don’t even want to make an effort to help me or ask me how I’m doing or hang out with me or

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