cae·su·ra

Have you ever felt like no matter what you’re doing and how much of an effort you are making into solving your own problems, that they just persist?

That’s basically been my month on all fronts.

My housing situation is awful. I went from being really excited and happy, hopeful it would work because on how the first two months were going, to becoming anxious, paranoid, and angry whenever I’m here. I don’t feel like it’s a comfortable or relaxing place to be anymore. It’s just another source of stress.

Compounded by stresses of my day-to-day work, that I try my best to accomplish. I feel like no matter how much work I do or how hard the team and I are pushing to accomplish things, we’re only remembered and mentioned for our failures.

And then coupled with health issues. IT’S BEEN ALMOST THREE YEARS SINCE I FAINTED COMMUTING TO WORK AND MY HEART HAS NOT IMPROVED. With all the added stress, I can barely sit or stand comfortably. Imagine spending all your time in a fetal position with your hand clutching your heart....that’s basically me at this point. After hundreds of dollars and multiple tests, I still have no fucking clue what’s up with me.