*overexcited screaming*

do you think truckers realize that theyre dentists of highways

explain

they both fuck twinks at gas stations

explain

what’s not clicking

talking to a new man can’t wait for it to fall apart within the week 

i was looking thru my posts and i have absolutely no idea who this was about so things went well

What episode is this

"claims to be pro life / dies anyway" is truly the gift that keeps on giving. we can get endless mileage out of it. thank you to whoever concocted this perfect little phrase and thank you especially to antonin scalia for setting the ball rolling here

I give anyone reading this permission to use my grave to lie to cops

i eat 15 apples for breakfast then drive myself to the hospital just to watch the doctors get blasted backward into the drywall bc they cant withstand my aura

it’s DIRT

unmute for comically aggrieved farmer

reblogging for the second time because I still laugh uncontrollably. in my mind the cows are trying to be gracious about their strange gift. ‘yes we love it thank u’