Jackmeats Flix

The Breach is like an all-you-can-eat horror buffet where none of the dishes match, but you're weirdly glad you stayed. #jackmeatsflix

I can't decide what looked faker. The stuffed dropbear, the CGI monsters, or the moving truck that clearly wasn't moving. #jackmeatsflix

Sunset Strip Killers proves one thing - love makes people do crazy things, like willingly joining a murder spree. #jackmeatsflix

Backrooms looks fantastic and creates some genuinely creepy moments, but even a supernatural office maze needs a better business plan. #jackmeatsflix

Somewhere, my old Atari is smiling because Pitfall proves falling into spike pits is bad for your camping trip. #jackmeatsflix

The body count takes forever to start, but the tallywhacker count wastes absolutely no time. #jackmeatsflix

Every grieving family in horror should seriously consider moving into a brightly lit apartment instead of creepy old houses. #jackmeatsflix

Horror movies really need to stop proving that séances are the worst group activity ever invented. Maybe just play Uno instead. #jackmeatsflix

If you've been missing those old-school rescue mission action movies, Man of War scratches that itch without reinventing the genre. #jackmeatsflix

Passenger proves the quickest way to summon a demon is ignoring literally every piece of travel advice you were just given. #jackmeatsflix

It doesn't reinvent the revenge movie, but when the fights are this good, why would you care? #jackmeatsflix

House Sitter has way too much talky talky and not nearly enough stabby bloody. #jackmeatsflix

Turns out retiring from the crime business is somehow even more stressful than staying in it. Who knew? #jackmeatsflix

I watched The Red Book Ritual: Gates of Hell so you don't have to. Even the characters wanted to quit halfway through. #jackmeatsflix

Even Enola couldn't solve the mystery of where all the fun from the first two movies disappeared to. #jackmeatsflix

Onyx the Fortuitous has enough fun and practical effects, If you can survive Onyx's infomercial voice for 110 minutes. #jackmeatsflix

Horror plus a 90s video store is basically catnip for me. Too bad the VCR accidentally chewed up the last ten minutes. #jackmeatsflix