relationship : naim, amirr
tags : underage smoking, homophobia, internalised homophobia, mia mentioned, angst, not beta read
a/n : just amirr trying to bring up the fact that he dislikes naim getting into a relationship with mia. i didnt finish this the way i originally wanted to lol maybe in the future ill rewrite this :p + drop your thoughts below so that i can improve. andd as u can see im an ao3 girlie hehe
( english narrative, malay dialogue )
sounds of birds chirping could be heard throughout the whole school, along the echoes of azan through the mosque's loudspeakers.
amirr had gotten up early to study for their upcoming exams, besides to distract himself from the fact that his dormmate, naim was still sleeping.
usually naim would wake up earlier than amirr, although sometimes it is unnecessary, amirr never asked the reason and just thought that is such a naim thing to do. and the fact that ever since he got to reside with naim—his feelings had been growing more intense.
to the point that when naim mentioned that he is going to compete in manifesto to become next year's kapla—amirr could not concentrate at all in his studies.
it used to be so peaceful when it is just two of them. naim and amirr, two names that everybody recognised and related to prefect's organisation. amirr had always imagined to be working alongside naim. which naim will be the president of prefect, aka ketua pengawas and him, amirr as the vice president aka naib ketua pengawas.
amirr genuinely had it all planned out but when naim revealed that he is trying to involve himself with this stupid manifesto shits, amirr could never lie that he actually felt bitter. and things took turns for the worst when amirr sees how naim desperately wants to fit in with high council. with kahar.
amirr notices how naim would sneak out in the middle of the night to take kahar's goodies from a secret dealer—and which anybody could guess the goodies were cigarettes. it took a while for amirr to figure out that the not so secret cigarette dealer is their own dewan makan's worker.
and the very same girl that naim meets every night to smoke with. amirr was envious—naim rarely talked to him ever since he had been in a 'relationship' with this seventeen years old girl.. or eighteen. amirr could not care less.
amirr wanted to try smoking too— at least once, he wanted to fit in with other people his age. almost everybody around him smokes. tonight, while naim was busy chatting with mia on the phone, amirr slowly opened his bag—the zipper's screech distracting the silence of the room.
naim looked up, his eyes meeting amirr. "kenapa?" a short, brief question came from naim.
"aku.. aku ada rokok. nak tolong aku tak?" amirr gulped. as expected, awkward. this situation happened exactly the way amirr expected. "tolong apa?" naim put his phone down, sitting straight.
a scoff came from naim, putting his phone beneath his pillow. "jom ah."
both teens find theirselves sitting not far away from their dorm, just somewhere more secluded to make sure they do not stumble upon a junior—or worse, a warden. maybe, mr. sin? who knows.
they are both prefects, and know deep inside they should not be doing this. but there is nothing to risk.
naim held his cigar between his thumb and index finger—amirr who was sitting beside him fiddled with the white-brown coloured stick for a while, before deciding to just copy how naim held his cigarette.
"amirr, sini dekat sikit," naim said, which amirr quickly leaned forward—and with one lighter, naim lit up both cigarettes. the light that flicked on both cigarette butts casts a soft glow over naim's face—leaving amirr in awe by naim's beauty. also, the gesture and idea of sharing the same lighter at the same time to light up cigarettes feels oddly intimate for amirr, that heat immediately creeps up his neck.
so close yet so far from naim.
naim's gaze unmoved, still looking at amirr. watching his best friend taking his first puff of smoke is quite amusing.
"uh, naim." amirr spoke, staring at the cold cement floor under him. "kau still dengan akak dm tu ke? .. nia? lia?" his voice cracked, signalling that he is actually really, really nervous. amirr pulled his collar forward, the smoke and the question that rolled of his tongue made him feel suffocating.
"mia," naim corrected, taking another drag from the cigar. "aku dengan dia ke, eh? 'tah la."
"maksudnya?" amirr's head tilted slightly, letting go of the breath that he did not know he was holding. "kau tak suka dia ke?"
"suka la." naim bobbed his head up and down, disliking the tone that amir used—it is like amir trying to say that naim's feelings for mia was just nothing but a fleeting thing. maybe because it is?
there is no other girls in this school anyway.
"suka..." amirr repeated, zoning out as he mumbled the same words for a few times. "bukan dia habis spm dah ke? asal dia nak dekat kau, eh? pelik." amirr mentioned, rubbing the back of his neck.
"apa yang peliknya? daripada aku suka laki." the other laughed under his breath. then the awkward, ringing silence came almost too immediately. a topic that naim nor amirr would ever touch. "sorry, amirr."
"eh—takpe. aku okay." he shook his head. "sorry do, aku just—terkejut tengok kau dengan dia. ye la, fly dengan dia. kau bukan macam ni dulu."
"kau marah aku ke ni?" naim asked, dropping his cigar to the ground, stepping on it until the ember disappeared from his sight.
"ya Allah. mana ada—" amirr sighed, also slowly getting up from the seat the second naim stood up. "naim.."
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