Roma

“I’m surprised to hear you say that” Cormac admitted, focusing on his hands as he twiddled his thumbs rather than looking at Meredith. He couldn’t bare to see the pain that he was causing her spread across her features, she may be trying to convince him that it was okay but the fact she was choked up was giving it away.

She was as heartbroken as he was about the fact they had to end things.

“I know but it’s true” Meredith replied, wishing that her voice sounded more convincing. Even though she understood why she and Cormac had to end things, it didn’t mean it made it any easier to hear him say it aloud “Maybe it’s better this way, us breaking up before we become a couple who make one another miserable and fight all the time. This way we get to remember our relationship as nothing but a good thing” 

“Do you really think we would’ve made each other miserable in the end?” Cormac asked, speaking around the lump that had grown in his throat. He hated that doing the right thing always ended being so hard.

"Mer you almost die at least once every five years" Alex commented, taking a sip of his whiskey while she glared at him in annoyance "I knew you were going to beat it, I'm sorry but I didn't want to risk ending up in a bed beside you"

"I wish everyone else had been as sure as you, it was bad this time Alex" Meredith admitted, wondering if the two of them could slip back into the effortless dynamic they used to share. Of course, they still texted and called but it was a lot easier to avoid talking when the person you were confiding in wasn't face-to-face with you "Even I was scared..."

"Everyone was scared Mer but we all knew if anyone was gonna beat it that it was going to be you" Alex replied honestly, wondering briefly if he should admit to her about the frantic texts he and Cristina had shared about her worsening condition and the nearly-hourly calls he'd made to Maggie or Amelia each day "You feel good now though right?"

"Yeah, of course," Meredith trailed off, hoping the smile on her lips was at least a little convincing. Alex's brow furrowed in response and she sighed, wondering why it always seemed to be the male peds surgeons in her life who saw right through her "Okay, I'm not doing too good..."

"Because of the break-up?"

"It wasn't a break-up" Meredith replied firmly, glad that Alex had tried to guess at what was bothering her rather than simply asking her. If he had, Meredith wasn't sure if she would've been able to hide the fact her mother's voice was ringing through her mind at any given moment "He asked for time, his son needs time before he starts dating again and that's it"

"And you're willing to wait?" Alex asked, he'd never met the man that both Meredith and Cristina talked so highly off but he must be something truly special if Meredith was willing to wait for him. She simply nodded in response and Alex pursed his lips before asking "What exactly are the rules of waiting? Like are you allowed hook-up with someone else?"

"Why are you propositioning me?"

"Shut up" Alex rolled his eyes, knowing that once upon a time he would've given a response exactly like that to her "I'm just curious if you need me to polish off my wingman skills? There's a guy over there who can't take his eyes off of you"

"There's no need" Meredith shook her head, refraining from reminding Alex that he'd never actually been a successful wingman. it was one of the few things that he was notoriously bad at "I don't want anybody else, I'm waiting for Cormac"

"Are you he's worth the wait?" Alex asked hesitantly, not waiting to see Meredith get her hopes too high only for them to be crushed. After everything she'd endured, it was the last thing she needed.

Over the years working at Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital, Meredith had learned how to sleep in a number of places from on-call rooms to the coch in her office no matter what time of the day or night it was. She would snore softly and let herself be revitalised just in time for her next surgery. Some of her colleagues were dependant on caffeine, Meredith was simply dependant on naps.

In recent months, after a long stint of sleeping alone, Meredith had found herself falling asleep at night wrapped in the arms of one Cormac Hayes. A man who claimed to hate cuddling yet always seemed to be the one to initiate it. Wrapped in her boyfriend's arms, Meredith found herself sleeping soundly each night, her dreams being as sweet as the reality that she and Cormac were building together.

All of Meredith’s favourite activities seemed to be better than ever once once started doing doing with Cormac, not just sleeping. The surgeries became more enjoyable and the sez became more passionate. He improved her life in every possible way, having even manged to find away to make mornings enjoyable for her.

For as long as she could remember, Meredith had never been a morning person. She hated leaving the comfortable sanctuary that was her bed to face the drab and dreary morning yet Cormac had even managed to find a way to make that better. The first morning that he'd jostled her awake gently only to hand her a cup of coffee before greeting her, Meredith had thought it was just a one off. Something sweet that he'd to ease any awkwardness either of them might have felt have spending their first night together.

However, nearly six months into their relationship Meredith had gotten used to the routine of being woken gently by her boyfriend only to be immediately presented with a steaming mug of coffee as three words fell from his lips...

Although Liam and Austin were the ones who spilt the beans about Cormac's crush on Meredith, he himself tells her when they begin dating and asks for her advice on how to tell the boys that he's dating again. She simply tells him that they probably already know before telling him that if Meredith breaks his heart, she won't hesitate to come to Seattle to kick her ass.

When Irene does come to Seattle for a visit, she's just as eager, if not more eager, to meet Meredith as she was last time around. However, she's not struck by how odd it is seeing her sister's husband with someone else until she's sitting across from the couple at dinner. She takes a minute to herself to sorta process it and is touched when Meredith eventually comes to the bathroom to check on her. They have the sorta heart to heart that only happens in bathrooms and come back to the table practically thick at thieves.

It takes Meredith a while to get used to the teasing nature that exists between Hayes and Irene but once she figures out their dynamic and how to be a part of it, she and Irene often team up on the man making him regret ever introducing them to each other.

Irene tells Meredith a lot of embarrassing stories about Hayes, despite the fact he begged her not to because she feels it's just the sisterly thing to do. Upon meeting Amelia and Maggie (who Irene instantly adores) she tries to press them for embarrassing stories about Meredith but they keep their lips sealed

As soon as the boys mentioned Meredith to her, Irene researched her and found everything from the documentary about the shooting to the article she wrote. Irene thinks the article was ballsy and tells Meredith as much. Irene is impressed by her.

Meredith always makes sure that Irene is invited to family holidays and things. Of course, she knows Hayes will already have invited his sister but Meredith wants Irene to know that whenever she's in town that she's totally welcome at her place as well for holiday parties and general hangouts.

If Cormac isn't responding to her texts for a few days (he gets forgetful about his phone when he's super busy) Irene spams Meredith until she talks Hayes into calling her.

"You look like absolute garbage" she stated, not trying to hide her amused expression given the fact that he had his eyes clamped shut tight to avoid being blinded by the lights in her office "You guys had a good night I take it?"

"The bits I remember were good" Cormac nodded, thankful that the only thing that awaited him at work that day were piles of paperwork for the peds department. Anything more and he would have surely had to have called in sick "I love my cousins but it's been a while since we've all gone drinking properly, I'm out of practice"

"I'll make a note to swing by your office later, make sure you're still alive" Meredith teased him, knowing that what she was about to do was a little below the belt. She truly couldn't resist though "If you feel less awful then, I might play you one of the voicemails you left on my cell last night"

"I left you a voicemail?" Cormac asked, sitting up so quickly that he almost got sick from the sudden movement. The delighted smirk playing on his friend's lips was enough to put the fear in him.

"Several, actually" Meredith corrected, twirling her phone around in her hand wondering if it would be cruel to start playing the messages in question to him right there and then “You’re pretty funny when your drunk, my favorite one is when you start explaining who you’re talking to one of them midway through the message about some genius breakthrough you had. I’ve never been called beautiful so much in thirty seconds before”

Austin or Liam always have to sit in between Ellis and Bailey in the middle of the car because if they sit next to one another they will spend the entire journey winding each other up and if Zola sits in between them she will only encourage the chaos. Austin is more likely to be the designated peacekeeper between the pair because Liam always wins (read as cheats at) the game of rock, paper, scissors that they play to decide.

Cormac always drives, it's not because Meredith can't or anything, she's just perfected the art of shooting a warning glare over her shoulder from the passenger seat to get the kids to shut up far better than he ever will.

Liam and Zola will conspire with one another to convince Ellis to ask their parents if they can go through a drive-through knowing that if anyone else asked, more likely than not Cormac and Meredith would just hand them back a pre-made snack. Cormac will immediately cave when asked by Ellis and thus start the grand debated about where they should go.

The longest they have managed to spend driving without anyone complaining or needing a bathroom break was forty-five minutes.

While Liam will put his headphones in and ignore everyone else, the other kids will play a riveting game of I spy with Austin indulging the younger ones. Cormac will always thank him for doing so by gifting him something or slipping him some few dollars - which is why Austin always Liam to cheat.

Meredith will take five-minute naps when in the passenger seat if they are driving at night, the motion of driving puts her at peace. She would nap longer but the kids end up waking her up.

Hayes has really bad road rage but because Bailey and Ellis are prone to repeating curse words they here, he curses in Irish which makes them laugh quite loudly. Favorite curses include:bisteach (bitch) and mór milteach (fuck off)

Cormac looked up and smiled at her. Sometimes he had to pinch himself when he saw Meredith like this. Most people wouldn’t see anything special about the scene but for Cormac this meant everything. It was the way that the minute she’d finished surgery and updating the family, she came straight to him. The way that they found comfort in the silence between them. The way his heart felt at peace whenever she was in front of him. He had to pinch himself because Cormac hadn’t thought love was possible after Abigail, but Meredith was testimony to the fact that he was wrong.

“I don’t have surgery for another so I’m not going anywhere right now.”

“Ugh,” Meredith swung her legs onto the floor, stretching her arms up and hearing her back click. She got up and walked over to Cormac desk and leant against it. Knowing he wasn’t going to get work done, Cormac shut the chart he was working on and pushed his chair back. “I don’t mean work; I mean do you really have to go back to Ireland?”

Grabbing Meredith’s hand, Cormac stood up and pulled her back over to the sofa. Wrapping an arm around her shoulder, Meredith was tucked under his arm, and she pulled her legs underneath her. She’d missed Cormac over the last week. Texting and video calls just weren’t the same as having him in front of her.

“It’s been a while since I’ve been back. I think my Ma would come over here and kill me If I didn’t take her grandsons to her then you really would miss me.”

“I didn’t say anything about missing you.” Meredith quickly shot. This man did not need an ego boost.

“Sure thing, Grey.” Cormac chuckled as he twirled a piece of her hair around his finger. “You can admit it, you know? That you’re going to miss your handsome, amazing, kickarse, paediatric surgeon boyfriend. I won’t be offended.”

Heaving a sigh, Meredith lay her head against Cormac’s chest. “Fine, whatever. I’ll miss you.”

“See, that wasn’t so hard, was it?” Cormac would take every opportunity he could to tease her. Riling Meredith up was his favourite pastime.

“It’s just that I was away last week and you’re leaving tomorrow for two weeks. It doesn’t feel right, not being able to see you.” She couldn’t help but pout at the thought of not being able to find solace in Cormac and his office for two weeks. What else was going to keep her sane?

“For the record, I’m going to miss you to but there’s always time for you to join us and before you even mention it, the kids can come too. They’re off from school.”

Cormac had spent months trying to convince Meredith to join him and the boys on the trip back to Ireland. They had been dating for over a year and his Ma was fed up of only every hearing about the woman he was dating and not having the chance to talk to her. And of course, she was more than excited to bring Meredith’s kids into the fold as well. Now, whenever he spoke to her, she wouldn’t only ask about her grandkids but also Meredith and her kids.

Meredith hadn’t been so sold on the idea. It had been two and a half years since Cormac had been back home. Usually, he went back at least once a year but between moving to the states again, getting the kids settled into school and starting this job, it hadn’t been possible to fly out there. She wanted him to enjoy this trip with his boys, not wanting to intrude with her family. Mer knew her kids could be rowdy at the best of times.

Not only that but she had never been a fan of meeting parents. She was worried that she wouldn’t live up to Cormac’s mother’s expectations. Abigail had sounded like the perfect woman, the perfect daughter-in-law. Cormac had never made a comparison between the two women, and she knew he never would but that didn’t stop the nagging feeling of not being enough when she thought about his family.

“Maybe next time…” Meredith muttered non-committally.

“I’m holding you to that, Grey. This time next year I’m taking you and the kids with us because we can’t go for the next 20 years without you going to my hometown and meeting my Ma.”

Meredith lifted her head up and looked at Cormac, “20 years?”

“And many more,” Cormac pressed a chaste kiss on her lips. “As long as you want that as well.” He quickly added to the end.

“I want as long as we can possibly have.” Meredith settled against his chest again.

She would take however many years she could get with Cormac. This wasn’t like the times with Nathan or Andrew. With them she always felt like there was just this missing piece. She’d put it down to the fact that they weren’t Derek, and he was the love of her life, so it was never going to be complete. But since being with Cormac, she realised that she could still feel whole and love Derek. Once didn’t diminish the other.

Cormac began to hum and old Irish lullaby. “You know, I think I like you missing me.”

He loved her strength, her beauty, and her passion but above all, Cormac loved Meredith's willingness to stick up for those too polite or too afraid to do it for themselves. He’d seen her do it time and time again since he had started working at Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital and had even been on receiving end of her harsh glare as she stuck up for patients that they had disagreed on numerous times. Never, though, had Cormac ever expected to be one of the many people whose defense his girlfriend would jump to.

It all started on the peds floor, a place that held many milestones for the couple including their first meeting, their first kiss and their first fight, when a perspective hire Dr. Fitz got a little too brazen in her insults to Cormac. Throughout their tour of the hospital, she commented on the disorganization of the NICU and the lack of interns and residents that he seemed to work with but the real kicker was when she began criticizing Cormac himself, who’d decided within five minutes of meeting her that there was no way in hell he’d let Bailey hire her.

“I just think men shouldn’t work in pediatrics” she’d admitted to him brazenly, seemingly haven forgotten that she had yet to secure the job and should still be trying to impress him. He’d bit his tongue, knowing it best not to engage with her but his lack of response seemed to only encourage her further “It’s not very manly is it, I’d feel almost uncomfortable letting you near my children”

“Say that to him again, I fucking dare you” Meredith’s tone was cold as ice and it shocked both Cormac and Dr. Fitz who practically jumper out of her skin. Meredith had her arms folded across her chest in anger and the way the fury danced in her eyes made Cormac thankful he was not the one on the receiving end of the harsh look.

“Dr. Fitz meet Dr. Meredith Grey, chief of residency and one of our fantastic board members” Cormac knew it was probably unfair to enjoy watching the woman scramble over herself trying to find the right words to say to impress Meredith but he couldn’t help it. Letting himself take amusement in her embarrassment was the least he deserved after putting up with her for the past hour “Dr. Grey, this is Dr. Fitz, the perspective peds surgeon that myself and Chief Bailey were telling you about this morning. We had just finished her tour”

“Yes, I remember” Meredith nodded, not even trying to hide her disdain  “I’m glad you’re finished, we can go give Bailey our recommendations. I have a lot to say and I’m sure you do too”

“Absolutely, we’ll speak soon Dr. Fitz” Cormac smiled politely before following Meredith towards the elevator, unable to stop himself from letting out a small laugh when the doors shut leaving them alone “Was that too mean of us?”

“I don’t think it was mean enough” Meredith replied shaking her head, unable to fully comprehend the stupidity of other people “I hope you know she was full of shit, you are one of the people I trust most with my kids and I personally think peds is hardcore”

“I’m glad to hear it” Cormac smirked before kissing her with as much passion as he could muster. Meredith was smiling largely when they broke apart, curious as to what had prompted her boyfriend to make such a move.

“What was that for?”

“Grey, come on.” An easy smile was on Cormac’s face.

Not wanting to have this conversation overheard, Meredith did another quick look around before dragging Cormac into a nearby supply closet. She put as much distance as she could between her and Cormac in that small space. Seeing that Meredith wasn’t in a teasing mood, Cormac furrowed his brow. He wasn’t quite sure what was going on.

“You’re not seriously upset about the OR, are you?”

Meredith huffed out a breath, turned away from his for a moment to collect her thought before turning back around, hands placed on her hips. “Yes. Yes, I’m upset about the OR. All the stupid innuendos and the little comments.”

Cormac feigned being wounded, “I thought you enjoyed my innuendos.”

“This isn’t funny,” Meredith hissed at him. “I’m not joking around here.”

“Then help me understand what the hell you’re so upset about because I don’t know what’s going on.”

“We said that we weren’t going to tell anyone we were dating. We said that we were going to keep it quiet and you pulling a stunt like that-“

“A stunt? That’s what you thought?” Cormac couldn’t help the annoyance and hurt that seeped through his voice.

“You know what I mean. We said we were keeping this quiet and you go and do things like that and people are going to end up figuring out that we’re together.”

Cormac was speechless for a moment. Not quiet sure how to respond to his girlfriend. “Would it really be the worst thing in the world? If people found out about us. We’ve been together four months, Meredith.”

“I haven’t even told my kids yet!” She didn’t understand why he was hellbent on telling everyone. They’d had this conversation multiple times over the past two weeks and she thought he understood that now wasn’t the time to tell everyone.

Cormac ran a hand over his face, “I’m not pushing you to tell your kids, Grey. I wouldn’t do that, but you won’t even tell your sisters about us. Irene and the boys know. They’ve known for months now, and you refuse to even tell Shepard and Pierce and I can’t for the life of me figure out why.”

“And I don’t know why you want people to know!” Meredith’s voice began to rise, the upset rising within her.

“Because I love you, Meredith. I love you.”

There was a deafening silence in the room, Meredith wasn’t sure what to repond to that. She wasn’t sure if she even should.

Finally, Cormac decided to break the silence. “I wasn’t planning on telling you between the latex gloves and the bandages, but I’ll work with what I got.” His facial features softened, and he took a step towards her. “I love you, Grey. I’m not quite sure when it happened but I love you and I want people to know about it.”

“I, Cormac… I’m sorry… I didn’t think…”

Crestfallen, Cormac put distance between himself and Meredith again. “You didn’t think we were what, Grey? That serious?”

When Meredith didn’t reply, he knew that he had gotten his answer. He let out a bitter laugh, “You have to be kidding me. This is why you didn’t want to tell anyone? What? This was all just a bit of fun to you?”

Shaking his head, Cormac looked down at the floor. “You must think me such an eejit. Bloody hell, Grey. After everything I went through with Abigail, you thought that this was a good idea. Well, I’m glad I got the chance to know what you’re really like.

“Cormac, I didn’t-“

“No, you know what Grey, I think you’ve said more than enough. You knew when I was going to tell my boys and you didn’t say a word.” In his voice was utter disbelief.

A hurt ached in his chest but he refused to acknowledge it. Anger was easier to deal with that hurt. And anger was all that he wanted to feel. Anger at Meredith for fooling him. Anger at himself for being so stupid as to not see the signs earlier.

Refusing to give Meredith the chance to reply, Cormac stormed out of the supply closet slamming the door behind him. Meredith just stood there for a moment, her mind still processing what had just happened. Suddenly she felt a lump in her throat and tears began to roll down her face.

She hadn’t thought for a second that they were anything but serious. Meredith was just being… cautious. She had gone through so many firsts since Derek had died but she knew that Cormac was doing all of this for the first time. She hadn’t wanted to rush him, hadn’t wanted him to feel pressured into telling other people but instead of talking to him about this, Meredith had just done what she thought was best.

The boys were teenagers now, It wouldn’t be long until they were off to college and there was no one home with Cormac. No one to vent to, no one to laugh with. All Irene wanted for Cormac was for him to fall in love, but the stubborn, dumb Irishman seemed to be digging his heels in even when it was staring him right in the face. More like even when he was staring at it right in the face. Repeatedly.

Pulling her eyes away from the film for a moment, Meredith looked down at the floor and smiled at the sight of her kids. A quiet laugh escaped her lips when she saw that Ellis had fallen asleep, half on top of Austin. Curious as to what had amused Mer so much, Cormac looked over and grinned.

“Looks like Ellis found a pillow,” he whispered.

Shaking her head Meredith stood up and stretched, “I’m surprised she didn’t crash earlier if I’m honest.”

She crouched down to where Austin was sat with Ellis, “I’m really sorry about her.”

“It’s cool, really. She was talking to me about the movie and two seconds later she passed out but I don’t mind if she stays here.”

Meredith laughed, “That sounds like her. I should probably get her in bed though and you can have your arm back.”

Gently, Meredith rubbed Ellis’ back, trying to coax her out of her sleep. “Come on, baby girl, it’s bedtime.”

Ellis slowly opened her eyes, rubbing them with and looking around, slightly disorientated. “But the film,” she whined.

“Ellie Belle, I think you’ve already missed most of it. Come on sweet girl, I’ll put it on for you another day, okay?”

Ellis thought about it for a minute before nodding. As Meredith stood up, Ellis reached up both hands wanting to be carried up to bed. Cormac could sense Meredith’s hesitation; he knew that she had was still struggling with exhaustion and the effects of Covid.

He quickly got up from the sofa and scooped Ellis up off of the floor, lifting her in the air before placing her on his hip. Her giggles reminded him of Meredith, she truly was her mother’s daughter.

“I hope you don’t mind if I help you take this little munchkin up to bed, Grey.” He knew that if he had offered to help her pick Ellis up, Meredith would have flat out refused.

“Please, momma,” Ellis big, puppy dog eyes had broken any resolve that Meredith had to tell Cormac that there was no need.

“Alright then,” she tapped Ellis on the nose.

“Do you want us to pause the movie, mommy?” Zola looked up at her mom who shook her head.

“It’s okay, sweetheart. We won’t be long.”

Irene watched the three of them as the trooped upstairs and couldn’t help but thing how domesticated all of this was. For two people who weren’t dating, they certainly had a good family unit between them.

Meredith led the way to Ellis’ bedroom and as soon as Cormac had put the little girl down she made a beeline straight for her bed.

“Uh, uh. I don’t think,” Meredith stopped her in her tracks. “Teeth first and then you can get into bed.”

“But momma!”

“No buts, come one! You want strong, healthy teeth, right?” Ellis nodded at her. “Then you have to go and brush them, come on, I’ll help.”

“I want Dr Mac to help!”

Meredith turned to Cormac and raised a brow. “Dr Mac?”

“Aye, well, I may have spoken to your kids on the tablet whilst you were in hospital and Ellis wanted to know who I was.”

This was definitely full of surprises. Meredith had known that he had visited her in her room whilst she had been in a coma, even if he hadn’t admitted it to her when she’d asked. She hadn’t expected him to have spoken to her kids though. It made sense why they had felt so comfortable with him coming down today though. She knew that her kids could be a little protective over her at times, especially Zola.

Meredith turned back to her daughter, “Come on, then. I’m sure Dr Mac would love to help.”

She held out her hand for Ellis to grab and went to the bathroom that the kids shared with Cormac trailing behind them. Whilst Meredith got Ellis’ toothbrush ready, she wasn’t willing to tidy up the inevitable mess of toothpaste around the sink today, Mac lifted Ellis up so she was sitting on the counter, legs kicking back and forth.

When she was done brushing her teeth, Cormac picked Ellis back up and carried her into her room.

“You’re spoiling her you know.”

“Princesses were born to be spoilt, Grey,” he called over his shoulder, Ellis giggling away in his arms.

As Meredith tucked her into bed, Cormac leant against the doorframe. He couldn’t help but admire Meredith as a mother. He had seen as a doctor, as a friend, as a colleague but this was a new side of her that he hadn’t been exposed to and it just caused another rush of emotions within him. He saw how the way she made each one of her kids feel important, how she was determined to make time for them regardless of how busy work was. She was more than just her job and he wanted to know every single thing about her. He wasn’t quite that even that would be enough.

Meredith sat on the edge of Ellis bed, whispering to her and stroking her hair until the little girl fell back to sleep. Kissing her forehead, Meredith gently and quietly got up from the bed and almost jumped out of her skin when she turned around and saw Cormac still standing there. Ushering him out of the room, Meredith turned off the light, whispered one last goodnight to her youngest and quickly shut the door behind her.

“You know you could have gone back downstairs ages ago; you didn’t have to wait here.” They moved further along the passage, so their voices wouldn’t wake Ellis up.

Cormac slipped his hands into his pockets and shrugged. “Well, I didn’t want Ellis thinking that Dr Mac was running away from her the first chance he got.

“You know you’re going to have to tell me what you’ve said to my kids to make them like you so much.”

“Well, that just for us to know and for you to find out. You know, Grey, they were exactly like you when you first met me.”

Meredith narrowed her eyes, “And what’s that meant to mean?”

Chuckling, Cormac lent back on his heels. “Oh, you know, a little apprehensive of me but they warmed up to me a lot quicker than you did.”

“You think I’ve warmed up to you?” She teased.

Cormac took a step towards Meredith. “I sure as hell hope so, Grey.” The teasing tone was gone, his voice dropped.

Meredith’s breath hitched in her throat and Cormac took another step towards her, closing any distance there was between them. He cupped her face, running his thumb up and down her cheek. Cormac leaned down and Meredith stood on her toes, their noses brushing before the sound of china smashing on the floor downstairs made them jump apart.

“We should- uh, go and see what that is…” Meredith suddenly didn’t know what to do with herself, looking anywhere but at Cormac.

Rubbing the back of his neck, Cormac winced, annoyed that yet another chance had been blown between them. “Yeah, you lead the way.”

Hearing the disappointment in his voice Meredith finally looked at him and realised that he wanted that moment to happen just as much as she had. “We should pick this up another time, maybe when there are so many people around?”

She smiled gingerly at him, hoping that she hadn’t completely misread the signals because that would be just her luck. The smile that appeared on Cormac’s face was enough to ease the worries she had though.

After a restless night, Meredith was determined to try and make it into work but after throwing up twice in the space of half an hour, Maggie had called Bailey telling her that Meredith wasn’t coming into work today. So, once the kids had left for school and Maggie, Amelia, Link and Winston had gone to work, Meredith was left moping on her sofa, half dosing off as she yelled at the daytime tv talk show.

“Of course, you shouldn’t marry him! Why would you marry a man that hates your dog!”

Meredith was stopped from throwing the remote at the sceen when the doorbell rang. Groaning, she pulled herself upright and to her feet. She wrapped the Ellis’ unicorn fleece blanket around her shoulders, slipped her feet into her slipper and shuffled over to the door. The constant throwing up had made her feel exhausted and even though the nausea had begun to pass, she still felt awful.

Pulling open the door, Meredith was ready to yell at whoever was bothering her argument with the tv until she saw who was on the other side.

“Were you ever going to tell me that you were unwell?” The thick Irish accent was like music to her ears.

Stood there in dark wash jeans, a grey shirt, holding Tupperware, Cormac Hayes did not look best impressed.

Rolling her eyes, Meredith shuffled her way back to the sofa. “Close the door on your way in!” She called over her shoulder.

She was just getting comfy laying on the sofa again when Cormac came in, placed some Tupperware on the table and lifted Meredith legs so he could sit before resting them back on his lap.

“Grey, you know as your boyfriend some might say that I’m privy to some information about you. You know, like when you’re feeling unwell and calling in sick.”

Meredith twisted her body so that she could see Cormac properly. She could tell from the look on his face that he wasn’t joking around. Worry etched across his expression making Meredith feel bad for not saying anything earlier.

“Sorry, it’s just been a while since I’ve had to let someone else know about this kind of stuff.” Shuffling, Meredith sat upright. “I didn’t think it was a big deal, just some food poisoning, I didn’t think there was any point bothering you with.”

Cormac gave Meredith’s legs a squeeze, his features softening as he took in his girlfriend’s state. “Meredith, I’m always going to want to know about these sorts of things. You’re not bothering me by telling me.”

“I’m sorry,” she reached over and grabbed one of his hands.

Cormac broke into a small smile, “You don’t need to be sorry, Grey, just know you’re not doing these things on your own. We’ve got each other.”

“Always.”

The two of them couldn’t help but stare each other for a while. Even with Meredith running on three hours of sleep, in a worn-out hoodie and hair flying everywhere, Cormac still thought she was gorgeous.

“I bought that Tuscan orzo soup you like if you’re feeling any better.”

Cormac had invited Meredith down for dinner one night when the boys had a sleepover and she had fallen in love with the soup. He’d offered on multiple occasions to show her how to make it but Meredith stood by the fact that she would probably ruin the recipe and never be able to eat it again.

“I feel less nauseous, but I just want to sleep. I’m too tired to eat right now.”

She fell back onto the pillows and closed her eyes, relishing in the quiet of Cormac’s company. Suddenly, she felt her legs being lifted and placed back onto the sofa. Frowning, she opened on eye and found Cormac looming over her.

“Get up,” he demanded, shrugging his jacket off and placing it on the arm of the sofa.

“What do you want?” Meredith couldn’t help but be a bit whiney as Cormac took her hand and pulled her up to sit. Why didn’t this man understand that all she wanted to do was sleep.

Cormac took her seat beside her, kicked off his shoes and laid down on his side, pulling Meredith back to lie down again and wrapped his arms around her torso. He kissed her cheek before pulling some of her hair out face. Meredith drew herself closer into his cocoon, savouring the warmth that Cormac provided her.

Before her eyes fluttered shut, she turned her head around to face Cormac who quickly kissed her before she could say anything and couldn’t help but roll her eyes at him. She wouldn’t admit to Cormac how much she loved the affectionate side of him, he already teased her about way too much.

“You know you’re going to have to leave before everyone comes back, right?”

“I know, Grey. I checked everyone’s schedules before I came over.”

Meredith murmured in response, getting herself comfortable again.

“You know, I’m pretty sure they think we’re dating anyway.”

Yawning, Meredith replied, “I promise we’ll tell them soon.”

***

Christmas morning had passed. By the times the boys had woken up, it was more like afternoon. They’d opened presents, lit a candle for Abigail and the boys messed around with their presents, which included a new set of goalposts in the garden that were a bit studier than the ones that Cormac had put-up when they had first moved there, and a drone. Cormac and Irene spent most of their time in the kitchen sorting out Christmas dinner. Afterwards, they’d all sprawled out around the living room, half comatose, wondering why they decided that a second helping was a good idea.

It was 5pm by the time the four of them had managed to haul themselves out of their seats and change out of their pyjamas. As he shrugged on his jacket, Cormac couldn’t help but feel slightly jittery at the thought of seeing Meredith today. He had texted her that morning to wish her a merry Christmas and ask if they should bring anything over to hers. She’d said that there was no need, they had enough food to last them until the end of January but said she was looking forward to seeing him.

“Mac, you ready?” Irene nudged him with her elbow. “What are you smiling about?” She teased.

Cormac hadn’t even realised that he had been smiling in the first place and quickly replaced his expression with a more neutral one.

“Probably thinking about Dr Grey again,” Liam joined in on the teasing as Austin made kissy faces behind his brother.

“You know it’s not too late for me to take those drones back.” Cormac threw an arm over each of his sons’ shoulders and began walking towards the door.

***

There was a large park that happened to be smack in the middle of the route between Cormac Meredith’s houses. After taking a long walk around it and having a kick about with the football the boys had bought with them. They began to make their way to Meredith’s.

“Are you sure we shouldn’t have brought anything with us?” Irene asked him for the 20th time as Meredith’s home came into view.

“We’re bringing Da, I’m sure that will be more than enough.”

Cormac groaned, a red flush crawling up his neck. He stopped in his tracks and turned around to face his family. “Can I trust you all to behave when we go in there?” He was praying that they wouldn’t make any comments in front of Meredith, or he would be mortified.

“I’ll have you know that me and my nephews are the best-behaved people you know.” The smirk on their three faces told him otherwise and he shook his head and he began walking again.

“Heathens, the lot of you. Don’t know why I put up with it.”

He was responded to with snickers and rolled his eyes. As the Hayes family walked up to Meredith’s door, Cormac cursed at the butterflies in his stomach. Damnit, he was a grown man with two teenagers. He should be past this stage of feeling nervous about seeing a woman. It wasn’t like this was a date. She’d invited him over as a friend, their kids were going to be there.

Cormac continued trying to convince himself of this as he knocked the door. It didn’t work though because the moment Meredith opened the door to his family an entire zoo erupted in his stomach. She wasn’t dressed up to the nines, in matching white loungewear and hair half pulled up but it was the flush on her cheeks that caused a wave of feeling to wash over Cormac. The grin on her face, the glint in her eyes and the ease of her shoulders. She was radiant.

“Hey, sorry it took a while to get to the door. We’re used to people just walking in and out. Come in!” She ushered, Cormac, his boys and Irene into her home.

Before Cormac was able to say anything, Irene stepped forward with a grin on her face. “Meredith, I have to say it’s nice to finally meet the woman behind the name. I’m Irene, Mac’s sister-in-law.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Irene. Sorry we couldn’t meet sooner.”

Irene waved off the apology, “I hear you were a bit tied up, so no worries. Thank you so much for inviting us to your home.”

“I have an open-door policy at this house, you guys are always free to drop in if you need anything. Most people do. Austin, Liam, feel free to hang your coats up. You guys have a good Christmas?””

Mer turned to the boys who were slightly surprised that she had managed to identify them both correctly. They’d only met two or three times and they hadn’t even expected the surgeon to have paid much attention to them.

The boys nodded and launched into how their Christmas had gone so far. Cormac couldn’t believe with how much ease and comfort the boys spoke to Meredith. Sometimes he found it hard to get two words out of them when he got home from work.

Meredith began to herd the four of them into the living room where everyone else was lounging around. Cormac realised he hadn’t actually said anything to Meredith since he had gotten there, he reached out and gently grabbed her arm, pulling her back towards him.

“Hey?” Meredith looked at him, slightly confused.

Cormac quickly let go of her arm, “Uh, sorry.” He rubbed the back of his neck, “Just wanted to say Merry Christmas.”

“The same thing you text me this morning?” Meredith teased, arching a brow. “Merry Christmas to you too, Hayes” She grinned at him, seeing him slightly bashful was a new thing. Cormac was usually a lot surer of himself.

“Come on, let’s head in.”

Meredith found that there was no need to make any introductions to the kids. Austin and Liam and sat on the floor with them, which was covered with blankets and cushions. Liam had started to chat with Zola and Bailey whilst Austin was taking a keen interest as Ellis showed him what she had gotten for Christmas.

As Cormac said hello to the other surgeons in the room, Meredith headed into the kitchen and began to heat the milk to make the hot chocolate. Whilst she was never going to be the next MasterChef, hot chocolate was one thing that she could manage.

Stirring the pan of milk, Meredith looked out onto the living room. Seeing the way both Cormac and Irene had settled into conversation with everyone else. Seeing both her and Cormac’s kids getting along so easily. A feeling passed over her that she had not felt in a very long time. Not since Derek had been alive.

She’d always felt at home here, a sense of belonging but now there was a feeling of completion within her. There was nothing missing, her heart didn’t feel as though it was yearning for anything. It was like something had just clicked into place.

“Can I help you out?”

Meredith had even seen Irene approach her, “You’re our guest! Go and relax.”

“You wouldn’t let us bring anything, the least I can do is help you with the hot chocolate. Where can I find the mugs?”

Knowing that Irene wasn’t going to take no for an answer, Meredith directed her towards mugs. “They’re in the cupboard to the left of the sink.”

“You know, I haven’t seen Mac like this since before my sister died,” Irene placed all the mugs on the counter next to the stove and began to spoon the cocoa powder in there. “When he first moved back to the states, I was excited to have him and the boys here but he wasn’t himself. Not that I was expecting him to be after everything he’s been through.”

Irene sighed, placed the spoon on the counter and turned to face Meredith. “Ever since he told me that you were awake again and leaving the hospital, there’s more light in his eyes. He’s more playful, like he was before. His tread isn’t so heavy anymore.”

“I, uh,” Meredith wasn’t quite sure what to say. She knew that things had changed between her and Cormac, but she didn’t think that any of the changes that Irene had mentioned were down to her. “I mean, work has gotten a lot more manageable lately with the Covid numbers going down so that’s probably helping.”

Chuckling, Irene began to stir the hot chocolate and Meredith poured milk into the mugs. “We both know that isn’t true. My brother-in-law has started to fall hard for you, Meredith. I just don’t want to see him hurt if you don’t feel the same way but from the way you’ve been looking at him, I’m going to guess that you do.”

With that she picked up two mugs and walked into the living room with them. Meredith stood, mouth agape as she watched Irene walk away. Her own sisters had only danced around the topic about Cormac and her, teasing her and making the odd comment when they were seen together. They definitely had not been as forthright as Irene had just been with her.

“Momma! Hot cocoa time!” Ellis’ voiced pulled Meredith out of her thoughts as she took as many mugs as she could carry into the living room.

Eventually there were only two mugs left and as Meredith made her last trip from the kitchen, there was only one person, other than herself left without a mug.

“Hot chocolate?” Meredith offered the mug to Cormac who took it gratefully, their finger brushing against each other.

“Thanks, Grey.”

Looking around for a place to sit, Meredith found that the only place left was next to Cormac on the two-seater.

“Do you mind?” She asked, motioning to the seat next to him with her head.

“That you sit on your sofa in your house?” The glint in his eye made simultaneously made Meredith’s stomach flip and made her want to punch him

“I don’t know why I bothered asking…” Meredith muttered under her breath, but Cormac managed to hear and laughed.

Meredith would be lying if she was to say that she wasn’t curious about Cormac’s time back in Ireland. He had shared a lot about Abigail and the boys, their years in America and his short tenure in Switzerland but Ireland hadn’t come up in conversation at all.

“What do you want to know?” Cormac’s Irish accent had become surprisingly soothing to Meredith.

“Where in Ireland are you from?”

“Athenry, it’s not far from Galway.” A nostalgic smile was placed upon Cormac’s lips as he thought about his hometown. “Beautiful place and thankfully was never privy to the tourists Galway had to suffer with.”

Meredith continued to work rhythmically as she listened to Cormac.

“Full of fields that were miles long. Ma would have to tear me and Aoife away from them when it was time for dinner.”

“Aoife?” Meredith asked about the unfamiliar name.

“My little sister, pain in my backside most of the time,” Cormac answered with an eye-roll.

Meredith’s laughter filled the OR room, “Must have been nice growing up with a sibling though.”

“You should know, with Maggie.”

Sometimes, Meredith forgot how much Cormac didn’t know about her or this hospital. She felt like she had known him for years but there were moments like these when Meredith remembered that Cormac didn’t know her entire life story like everyone else in the hospital. It was refreshing to know that there was someone who didn’t know how many times she had been admitted as a patient into the very hospital that she worked in.

“Actually, I didn’t even meet Maggie until a couple of years ago,” she said sheepishly.

Cormac arched an eyebrow at her, ready for her to continue but Meredith just shook her head. “My family history is… messy, it’s a story for another surgery. I want to hear more about Ireland.”

“I’ll hold you to that, Grey.”

The playful glint in his eyes made Meredith’s stomach do flips and she felt like she was a teenager all over again. She quickly moved her eyes back to exposed organs in front of her, not trusting herself to look back up at Cormac.

“Do you miss it?” Meredith finally asked when she managed to control her butterflies.

“Home? Every damn day.” Cormac’s voice held a sense of longing. “No place like it. I’m planning on heading back there when the boys are off for Summer. My ma’s going to kill me if she goes any longer without seeing her grandsons.”

“You know, I’ve visited Ireland before.”

“Oh really?” Cormac was always a little sceptical when people told him they’d be to Ireland. The most they’d seen was Dublin, a lot of pubs and the Guinness Factory and whilst they were great places to visit, Ireland was a lot more than all of that.

Meredith smile as she thought about her trip made the corner of her eyes crease. It felt like a lifetime ago. “I did a gap year before Med School and went backpacking around Europe with a friend. Spent a week longer in Ireland that we thought we were going to. It was beautiful though, did a few days in Dublin and then headed to Killarney. Kilkenny was just out of this world and then did a few days in Kinsale before we headed to Galway.”

“I’m impressed, Grey, most people just see the inside of a pub whilst they’re there.”

That elicited another laugh from Meredith and Cormac suddenly found himself in awe of the spitfire that stood opposite him. She’d been through a lot in her life and yet still laughed so freely, the darkness she had faced had not overshadowed the hope she had in life.

“I wouldn't be too impressed, I did spend an awful lot of my evenings in the pubs. Gave a lot of the men there a run for their money, they didn’t think I could keep up with their drinking games.”

“And naturally you proved them wrong,” Cormac smirked.

Meredith gave him a smirk of her own in response before continuing with her sutures.

“So, are you going to tell me more about this gap year of yours?”