~Elysian~

Dahil ako mismo pinipili ka araw araw.

Nais kitang salubungin sa dulo ng yong galit. Hindi para sa wakas kundi upang tayo'y magkaayos.

It's nice to bring back memories by scrolling through my blog. Kung nakakausap ko lang tong blog ko, I'd say a lot has changed. Di na gaya ng dati eh. People might ask "pano mo nasabi?" Change really is inevitable. Di mo mapapansin agad but yes there are changes. Dati, gustong gusto mo ko ipost, imention, itag Ngayon, "Date in private" . Understood it's part of maturing, growing but sometimes nakakamiss din pala maappreciate in that way. Kahit once at hindi lagi. Dati late night serious talks Ngayon, no more drama Memories good and of course the bad ones do haunt you. Good memories make you tear up as well as the bad. Overthinking that it might happen again. Kasi bumalik yung tao. What if ganto what if ganyan. Sa daming pictures ko noon puro puso at comment mo. Ngayon puro haha pero sa iba naka puso. Not of a big deal Sometimes gusto ko sabihin hindi ako okay. Namimiss ko to, yung ganto. Tama ka di na siguro babalik yun kasi tatapalan na lang ng panibago. Pero it still haunts me. Pero di ko maexpress kasi ayokong masabihang OA at madrama. Mahal kita. Nagkikita tayo araw araw. Pero bakit kahit araw araw tayong nagkikita at nagkakasama namimiss kita. Namimiss ko ba trato mo sakin noon? O namimiss ko yung mga oras na di na pwedeng balikan. Ako kung pwede lang maerase yung bad memories gagawin ko para hindi na ako huntingin. I have insecurities yes. Sometimes what the person makes you feel and say makes you insecure Padilim ng padilim mga naiisip ko nalulunod nanaman ako. Ayoko na maging maramdamin. The only time na magiging totoo ako sa nararamdaman without thinking na sasabihan akong OA at madrama, Pag lumalangoy na ko sa alak. Natatakot ako mawala yung tao, Ang tanong takot ba siyang mawala ako? Hahabulin mo ba ako, susuyuin mo ba ako? Ano ba naman to ang dilim dilim. Ang dami kong gustong sabihin Pero para akong may busal sa bibig Natatakot na pag may maling nasabi Wala na, di ka kakausapin, di ka susuyuin. Di ako galit sa tao. Mahal ko yun. Galit ako kasi ganto ako. Minsan gusto ko na lang mawala. Mapayapa kaya?

It's nice to bring back memories by scrolling through my blog. Kung nakakausap ko lang tong blog ko, I'd say a lot has changed. Di na gaya ng dati eh. People might ask "pano mo nasabi?" Change really is inevitable. Di mo mapapansin agad but yes there are changes. Dati, gustong gusto mo ko ipost, imention, itag Ngayon, "Date in private" . Understood it's part of maturing, growing but sometimes nakakamiss din pala maappreciate in that way. Kahit once at hindi lagi. Dati late night serious talks Ngayon, no more drama Memories good and of course the bad ones do haunt you. Good memories make you tear up as well as the bad. Overthinking that it might happen again. Kasi bumalik yung tao. What if ganto what if ganyan. Sa daming pictures ko noon puro puso at comment mo. Ngayon puro haha pero sa iba naka puso. Not of a big deal Sometimes gusto ko sabihin hindi ako okay. Namimiss ko to, yung ganto. Tama ka di na siguro babalik yun kasi tatapalan na lang ng panibago. Pero it still haunts me. Pero di ko maexpress kasi ayokong masabihang OA at madrama. Mahal kita. Nagkikita tayo araw araw. Pero bakit kahit araw araw tayong nagkikita at nagkakasama namimiss kita. Namimiss ko ba trato mo sakin noon? O namimiss ko yung mga oras na di na pwedeng balikan. Ako kung pwede lang maerase yung bad memories gagawin ko para hindi na ako huntingin. I have insecurities yes. Sometimes what the person makes you feel and say makes you insecure Padilim ng padilim mga naiisip ko nalulunod nanaman ako. Ayoko na maging maramdamin. The only time na magiging totoo ako sa nararamdaman without thinking na sasabihan akong OA at madrama, Pag lumalangoy na ko sa alak. Natatakot ako mawala yung tao, Ang tanong takot ba siyang mawala ako? Hahabulin mo ba ako, susuyuin mo ba ako? Ano ba naman to ang dilim dilim. Ang dami kong gustong sabihin Pero para akong may busal sa bibig Natatakot na pag may maling nasabi Wala na, di ka kakausapin, di ka susuyuin. Di ako galit sa tao. Mahal ko yun. Galit ako kasi ganto ako. Minsan gusto ko na lang mawala. Mapayapa kaya?

kelan ba magiging sapat at tama para di na bawiin ng mundo yung kasiyahan ko sakanya.

You are amazing. Amazing enough to handle me. Yes “ME” I know somewhere, there’s still a child in me. That makes me an immature person, but I can be mature too :) All I want to say is thank you for that day that you went out of your house and saw me. Thank you for the days that we would see each other and like I was secretly rejoicing for having the chance to see your face, to talk to you and to get drowned by looking at  those brown hazel like eyes. You literally took my breath away. It’s like I was brought to paradise, and how lucky and proud I am now to call you mine. Now, we’ve been through a LOT. Struggles, challenges. We passed them together. Thank you for staying with me. I never thought that I would be loved this way but I am very thankful to have you. I became a better person and since the day you were mine, I promised myself to love you from the bottom of my heart because all my heart says up to now is “he is the one”. If I would have a chance to be reincarnated I would find you. Thank you for all the love and care. Thank you for meeting me, and being that guy who showed me “home”

Thank you Justine Jaz Benares    

jaaydee