Nostalgia and Loneliness

I just don’t fuxking care anymore. What is there to care about.

God fucking dammit

Give up. It’s no use. Nobody likes you. They just pretend to. Trust me. They’ll show their true colors and when you need help, and ask for it, They won’t be there. And they’ll act like they didnt agree to help, and you’ll be left waiting for the help you expected. The only one who cares about you is you, and you barely care about yourself to begin with. So what’s the use. They’ll leave you, they’ll talk to you, make you feel like things are good. And then they’ll all leave you when you’re struggling. Duck people. Duck connections. Be a ducking hermit. It’s the same amount of emotional returns, with none of the effort you put into gettting people to lien you. Spend that effort on bettering yourself. Because setting aside that time, that energy? I. The end it’s not worth it. They’ll leave tou. Whe. You’re feeling you’re lowest. When you’re feeling like they’re your only source of hope. When everyone else has left you. And they’ll ghost you too. Trust in yourself. Because nobody else gives a dakn

Give up. It’s not use. Nobody likes you. They just pretend to. Trust me. They’ll show their true colors and when you need help. They won’t be there. And they’ll act like they did t agree to help. The only one who cares about you is you, and you barely care about yourself to begin with. So what’s the use. They’ll leave you, they’ll talk to you, make you feel like things are good. And then they’ll all leave you when you’re struggling. Duck people. Fuck connections. Be a ducking hermit. It’s the same amount of emotional returns, with none of the effort you put into gettting people to lien you. Spend that effort on bettering yourself. Because setting aside that time, that energy? I. The end it’s not worth it. They’ll leave tou. Whe. You’re feeling you’re lowest. When you’re feeling like they’re your only source of hope. When everyone else has left you. And they’ll ghost you too. Trust in yourself. Because nobody else gives a dakn

I lowkey hope that I die on the way back to Missouri

And we’re back here. Because I want to vent but I don’t necessarily want people to see. I’m a fucking mess. I don’t want to live here anymore. I feel worse off than I ever have. Which is saying a lot. I can’t find a new job. I’m broke. I’m single as fuck with zero prospects now. My best friend out here won’t talk to me. My favorite person is very clearly pulling away. And I’m lost. SHd, more than ever, and everytime I think I get something figured out, something else breaks. I haven’t felt comfortable (outside of maybe a week or so) in more than a year. I’m too depressed to take care of my room so it looks like a fucking tornado. I’m just so tired of this all. When are things supposed to start getting better?