;) what’s up swag gang

And now I’m 27, but I feel 21, on a king sized bed alone

Counting down the hours until the daylight comes in hopes I will be human again.

There’s a way out in the bathroom. In a bottle, in a blade.

My keys are on the counter, I could grab them and just run. Instead I’m shaking upright in the corner, blankets gone, just sheets.

I hear your voice when I hate myself, and hear it louder when I heal.

I feel like it’s my fault. Well of course, it always is.

You’re both sleeping on the kitchen floor, and you still wear my glasses. Prescribed to me. And you still can’t admit that I was right.

I think actually you’re an artist, of the highest degree, for the con you pulled on me.

I'm often seen as a guardian, but really I'm just guarded. Hidden away in some desolate place. I breathe in mist off the mountainside, breathe out fire and soot. I think that I was born to hide, balancing on one foot.

I am allowed to be everything I am. Dangerous and kind. I am the hero, and the dragon, and the treasure.

What questions do I shy away from asking? When I'm sitting alone with the creaks of my bones. What is it, really, I should be saying?

If I close my eyes and breathe it impedes- blankets of darkness- covering me. So lightless that it's quiet, I can't hide it:

I wish that I could go home, to where everything is known. I'll admit, I'm scared I'll always be alone.

it’s unfortunate.. but it’s true

lil cover of midwest indigo by twenty øne piløts I’ve been workin on :p

I want you pulling me close. 

I want to see you leak blood. 

Watch it mix

With your sweat 

Pull me close-

I’m close. 

Baby feel the heat 

Where your hips hit 

My thighs; 

Cherry trees and 

Okanagan skies. 

Gingham, lace, and honey 

Like a picnic in the sun

I’m on the run 

Chasing the high of you.

What would you say 

If I invited you to play?

I want to taste 

You in the rain.

I’d take you anywhere. 

I’ll take you everywhere. 

I want you terribly 

And for eternity 

I’m on my knees- 

Please.

Put your armour on, babe

I want to see you be strong. 

Put your arm around me, babe, 

Come on and sing me a song? 

I pay for coffee with the pocket change 

I used to use 

For parking. 

Invite me out, then walk me home; 

It’s twelve am

You’re barking. 

And you’re baring your teeth

And then I feel your mouth 

Against 

The inside of my knee. 

oh.

I used to date this guy who hated me. 

I don’t think you do. 

I just think 

the way I take up space in the hallways of your heart

is like the sun soaked sill atop which you place 

your changing arrays

of trinkets and toys,

keepsakes from boys and affairs 

of the week. 

I seek 

to know the way you’d smell 

if I were to rest my head

against your chest 

and look up at you. 

If you only knew

 the ways I dream of you, too. 

Because the moon returns each night, 

And I’m in love with her. 

Less like a doormat,

More like a fae.

I can’t escape 

The way

There is something less than human

Coursing through my veins. 

Like decay. 

The only way that I could love is supernaturally. 

I’m afraid that you will see me 

Decomposing in the street 

In the sun 

And still think 

That it’s a metaphor. 

You see, 

I will sink my teeth 

into your neck

 and drink

Until you ask 

for me to 

stop. 

I want you,

Closer, lover, closer, 

But I need you

To invite me 

Exhume the rotting flesh 

Of what used to be 

My body 

Buried in a field 

Where there used to a tent 

No crypt 

It’s cryptic

No grand mausoleum 

Couldn’t beat em

Guess I’ve joined ‘em 

When I want someone 

To hold me 

No ones there 

I guess it’s fair 

I’d love to say it’s not 

It is

It’s not that I will go to hell 

It’s that I’m very much right in it

I deserve it. 

I don’t know what it means to repent

I was raised agnostic 

And in cockpits 

Of fast flying vehicles 

It’s a curse 

To have been raised 

Being loved 

In all the wrong ways 

Rare rays 

Through the canopy’s 

And gravel all around 

I remember the summer 

The roads kept caving in

On a whim- 

Would you take me? 

What do you think I mean? 

I do

I used to spend a lot of time

On bathroom floors 

Passed out 

Vomiting 

Sleeping 

Spit it out and choke on it

Or watch me

Decomp and rot 

Pale, cold, chunky, 

Wet dirt below 

But the sun

In the sky 

Glares hot 

The fair grounds are packed 

It’s like no one can see me 

Shovelling six feet’s worth 

Of dirt 

Until I hit her ribcage 

Adolescent 

Neotenic

Bones not yet mature 

All the allure 

Of glitter and liquor 

Eaten away by the mites

Years ago 

I remember when 

the rain came down

You pulled me in 

And kissed me 

On the top of my wet hair 

And I know 

That you thought 

That I was sleeping 

I remember when the floodgate fell 

And the floor dropped out

From under me 

I think that’s where 

I’m standing now 

Past town

If you take that east exit 

Off the highway 

Going south 

I think I’m getting pretty tired 

Call me back if you have anything to ask me? 

Try not to worry

I love you 

See you Monday

Can you see me?

Am I real? 

I’m not sure that 

I’m alive 

I hide 

In all the negatives 

But maybe 

Once it’s all developed 

You will see me 

Maybe somebody will see me

It’s raining again

I’m alone 

To atone 

This original sin 

Since now I’ve been awake 

In a way