dead.

He’s my main account so I’ll still be doing all my following/liking from here. My other sideblog is Cang Du ( @jiiaian ), and he’ll be around as well. 

“Oka-ch-- Miki already told me.” But he grins, ambling gently over to his new-ish beau, slinking his arms around that sturdy but slim waist. “Co-best man? Is that a thing?” It hardly matters, as he’s sure he won’t be involved but to cheer Rose on from the sidelines. “This is going to be a big deal, isn’t it? They’re both captains...”

“Holy shit--” He’s on his feet, padding around his desk to take her dainty hand in his, beaming at the utter rock she’s been given. “Oka-chan...” He’s not sure why he feels so emotional, or why he can’t stop a grin from forming on his gaunt face. “That’s great...” He embraces her, limbs skinny and weak, but he hopes she gets the idea, just how over-the-moon he is. Or would be, had he the energy. “When...?” He mumbles into her hair, his voice a little quaky. 

“Good.” He believes it, and he’s honest, even if he’s selfish. He wants Renji to find someone. He wants him to be happy. He deserves it, selfless as he is. “You guys gonna meet up?” His interest is not feigned, even if he sounds like he’s being forced to ask.

“Am I...?” How was it that Renji could so easily get past the rift between them? Izuru worried he was faking it, ignoring it...trying to restore things to a way they never truly were. “I was...I was in America, with Rojuro.” He hates how snide his voice sounds. It makes him want to cry, like the child he was when they met. “Look, Renji, I just...I need to know that you’re...that you’re okay. That you’re not...” Izuru’s self-esteem hardly lets him finish the thought. “Hung up, or whatever...” He wrings his hands, turns around, looking at Renji with an ancient desperation, like he once did. Back when he was the only person he had. “...I do miss you, you know...”

“Don’t.” He turns away, skinny arms folded, to look out the window of his pathetically shining apartment. It’s a monument to his abandonment of Renji, he’s decided, even if he knows that’s not true. His self-loathing doesn’t end. “You don’t have to do shit for me, Renji.”

“M’fine…” His protest is weak, squirming feebly in her surprisingly strong arms as she hoists him off the cold ground. “Just had a trip…on the thing…” The thing was air. He had simply fallen over his own toes. “You can’t…carry me all the way back, Oka-chan…” Not that he could do it himself with any measure of ease. His head was utterly spinning, and maybe hers was too. They’d been out together for hours, lamenting their lonesomeness, their bitterness. “Less just…sit down a bit…”

//I am genuinely going to miss him but honestly I can’t wait to be able to say “when will my husband return from the tour” once he leaves