A Thank-You Letter to the LMK Community
Do you want to know something?
Sometimes, I feel terrified and sad
Some VERY painful things have happened in the last few months—things that made me think, “What if I just give up everything? What if I just walk away from everything and become an “upstanding citizen,” find a steady job, and… that’s it?” Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to find a psychologist to guide me, help me, or even diagnose me, but sometimes I think I’m suffering from depression. Sometimes the thoughts are so intense that they hurt me, over and over again
Even if it hurts, I keep going back and hurting myself psychologically: “You’re not good enough,” “Nobody cares about you,” “If X person left you, what do you expect from strangers?”
But even when I hurt myself and have those intense thoughts, rays of sunshine appear that make them disappear—a message on TikTok, kind words sent to my Ask Box, or even just people being there to support me, even if I’m not as active as others.
During those months when I went through those… those losses, I was very close to giving up everything, but then I thought, “Am I going to throw my dream away just because it hurts? Just because it hurts to even be here right now?” Am I going to throw away the dream of my younger self just because it hurts? And I was about to do it, until a friend from work comforted me and told me something I wasn’t aware I needed to hear: that I’m a good person—a very kind and gentle person who’s been through some bad things, but that doesn’t mean everything is going to be bad. At that moment it hurt—fuck, even now that I think about it, it still hurts—but I’ve come to understand that it’s okay for it to hurt; it’s part of life.
As I look at my babies (Au’s lmao), they make me reflect a lot on things I’ve been through, am going through, and will go through in my life. Even if many of you don’t have the full context, I’m going to have happy and silly moments because, HEY, I’m only 21 (still!). I’m going to have moments when everything is just pain, and I’ll have to endure it even if I don’t deserve it
But there will also be moments when, even though bad things have happened to me and I think I don’t deserve any support or love, there will be people—even if it’s just one—who will make me realize that I’m valuable enough to be worth considering :')
Simply put, thank you all for your support, likes, shares, and comments throughout this year, and I’ll keep doing my absolute best for you all
Tys to everyone ❤️🩹✨
